A Comment on Comments, the Crazy Bitch Edition

A Comment on Comments

A Comment on Comments

Having been on vacation for a while and being up to my bloodshot eyeballs in writing my book (it comes out Spring of 2016, so start saving your pennies, because I need everyone to buy a copy), I have not had time to write a new blog post. Today, I have found the time and the inspiration. The time comes from me avoiding other responsibilities like laundry and bathing but the inspiration comes from someone named Raven who sharted out about 15 comments on a blog post, each comment covered in more dingleberries than the one before it. In a blog post called “Why Waiters Say and Do What They Say and Do,” I did my best to explain the reasoning behind so many of the things we do at our jobs. Raven was having none of it. She felt the need to comment about everything and now I feel that same need in this Comment on Comments post.

Raven said: TAP WATER WTF???!? It is NEVER okay to give someone fucking TAP water, unless you specifically inform them that that’s the kind of water you use at your restaurant, first. No one is interested in being poisoned without first agreeing to it!! When you order water at a restaurant, you are of course expecting for the water to come from the drink fountain, so you know it’s not tap. Are you telling me that restaurants have been poisoning me with fluoride and now for the rest of my life I have to specifically ensure that they are using water instead of poisoned water??!? But even McDonald’s does not use tap water! Why the hell wouldn’t you specifically make sure the customers know if they will be being given tap water when they think it has been filtered?!

Raven, I think most restaurants are using tap water, so chill your tits, bitch. While I agree with you that most people are not interested in being poisoned, I find it highly unlikely that you will find anyone who agrees to it.

“Good evening, ma’am. Would you mind if I sprinkle cyanide on your salad this evening?”

“Well, ordinarily, I’d say no, but since you are asking me first and giving me the chance to agree to it, yes I would love it. Extra cyanide, please. And can i have fresh ground pepper as well?”

I wonder what water fountains Raven has been using that produce magically filtered water? If a server brings you a glass of water that you did not ask for, you can bet your ass that it came from the dreaded TAP. I’ve never worked at McDonald’s (thank God for small miracles) but I bet they use tap water too. I guess Raven has been poisoned with fluoride her whole life and despite the fact that she may have fewer cavities in her chewing bones, she is not happy about it. She’d rather have rotted teeth covered in decay than be given water that she did not ask for. Raven, pull that Evian bottle out of you ass, fill it up with air and choke on it.


Actually, Raven, placing a check on the table of the customer who is going to pay it, is far from random. It’s very specific. Random would be if I just reached into my apron and pulled out any check and then gave it to any person not caring whose check it was. You can leave whenever the fuck you want and we can give you the check whenever the fuck we want. That’s how business works. It’s a two-way street, bitch, so why don’t you go sit in it and finish your three dollar drink before a truck runs over your ass?


I’m pretty******SURE****** as fuck that you don’t leave any tip ever.

And she had even more to say: …And due to this article, I WILL complain LOUDLY to a manager the next time some idiot waiter puts a fucking bill on my table when I HAVE NOT ASKED FOR ONE AND THEY DONT KNOW IF I’M FUCKING DONE YET. And then I will stay at that table as long as humanly possible, maybe until the restaurant closes if I’m not busy that day, and make sure to complain as loud as possible and swear a lot at kids and explain exactly why the fuck i have a right to eat and order whatever the fuck I want after I have already paid exorbitant prices for it, doing it this way in order to cause other customers to leave or not want to come back. You don’t get to fucking dictate when I am finished eating and/or ordering things.

Raven, get a fucking life. What you’re saying is that you are willing to sit in a restaurant for an entire day (providing you aren’t busy that day, and why would you be? It is abundantly clear that you have all the time in the world to leave comments on a blog which leads me to believe that you do nothing with your days except watch Maury Povich and troll the Internet) in order to prove the point that you can leave whenever you choose to leave? You can complain as loudly as you want to the manager about your check being presented too early and that manager will reply with a curt, “Your check was given to you so that is ready at your convenience.” And then when you continue to complain loudly and start to swear at kids, all the manager will have to do is call the cops and say, “Yeah can you come and escort this crazy fucking bitch out of my restaurant?” You see, the restaurant does have the right to ask you to leave. If you chose to sit at a table for nine hours all the while yelling and cursing, you can bet your flat ass that you will be escorted out and told never to return.

Raven, thank you for your comments. They were very entertaining and I truly hope you see this blog post dedicated to them. I am here to be the voice of servers across the land and your idiotic remarks were in dire need of a reply. Kindly crawl back into your hole, turn on your wi-fi and find someone else to annoy because I’m done with you.

64 thoughts on “A Comment on Comments, the Crazy Bitch Edition

  1. kim Barnouin

    Oh Bitchy Waiter, I love your posts. You fucking crack me up. Thank you for doing what you do! Keep it coming.

  2. Zak

    I’m a server in a downtown location in a college town, so we’re actually disturbingly used to things like this happening, because what Raven is doing is pretty much exactly what a drunk 20 year old will do. We’d 86 her ass about twelve seconds after she first raised her voice about “tap water.” Bitch, we don’t even have bottled water, so have fun being escorted off the property.

  3. Barreleh

    I think I waited on Raven some years ago. She ordered a glass of wine, and was outraged that when it arrived to her table, it wasn’t filled to the brim. I tried to explain to her that the wine needs that extra room in the glass to breath, she yelled ‘Wass this sh*t??? Wine don’t breeve!!!’ The bartender came over and told her the same thing, but she concluded that since both I and the bartender were white, handing her a not full to the brim glass of wine was racist, and she’d make sure the manager heard about this.

  4. shannon

    Unless someone specifically requests bottled water, they’re getting tap. And 9 times out of 10 I drop the check before it’s asked for, because I assume you don’t want to spend the rest of your day in our restaurant and I have already refilled you $3 beverage at least twice! If you’re planning on staying until you get a gallons worth of drinks, that is a. kinda unhealthy and b. Extremely ridiculous!

    1. Tammy

      Unless you’re somewhere like DC a few years ago (when they found lead in the water from old pipes), chances are the water from your tap has gone through tons of testing and filtering, and is no more contaminated than bottled water.

  5. Lapsed Altruist

    Well, she did spell ‘exorbitant’ correctly. Gotta hand her that.

    Bitchy Waiter, you make me laugh. Bitch on…

  6. Myriki

    She complains about the water and yet she eats at McDonalds….. not much more needs to be said on that comment then, and as for refills, there is no law that requires restaurants to provide free drinks, maybe if people weren’t downing 4-5 glasses of coke etc each and every meal the obesity rate in the US would go down and without all that extra sugar and chemicals people like this wouldn’t be so rude…healthy body healthy mind!! I don’t usually comment on things like this but not only did her remarks bother me but so did the responses to it. Everyone is quick to call her names and insult her and in doing so you are no better of a person than she is. I like to think this is somewhere people can learn about how taxing our jobs are and that we too are as hard working and deserve as much respect as anyone and yet comments like this just validate peoples low opinion of service industry employees.. I really hope I never stumble across the restaurants where some of you work. I have been in the service biz in many capacities for many years and have rarely encountered the type of people that are so often written about in these posts. Maybe you should try to work in a better establishment or maybe if your attitudes were a bit better your customers would treat you with more respect. I’m not saying its ever ok to be a rude guest regardless of your servers capabilities but to all the grown ups out there, rise above it and move on, there will always be ignorant people going out to eat and yes sometimes maybe we sadly have some in our section but don’t lower yourselves to their standards, raise yours. Im pretty sure ill get slated for this but hopefully some of you will appreciate it.

  7. Kate

    Oh Bitchy Waiter, I had tears rolling down my face with laughter reading this post. So glad you’ve returned to blogging. Good luck with your publish, I will definitely buy a copy, or 20 and give them as gifts to my service industry family.

  8. betty

    This lady is the most uneducated. At Denny’s on Sunday mornings we’re required to leave the checks on the table once the food is delivered. I still take refills and check on them. Doesnt mean she has the right to be rude and obnoxious about small detail that can be fixed. She clearly needs attention. I suggest you don’t make anymore comments raven, one day the tables might turn on you, and the jokes on you.

  9. Juliet

    Why is it that so many people are incapable of saying that someone is low class or tacky without bringing racism and trailers into it? I have been in the food service industry for thirteen years, and spent eleven of it in a trailer, but you would never know any of that, and even if you did, you have no right to judge my situation or the next person’s… It honestly sounds like this woman has a serious mental illness and now has been publicly mocked when she should have been helped by someone long ago… Even “crazy bitches” deserve SOME dignity…

  10. Henry

    I bet Raven takes a bindle of empty milk jugs to fill with water from the Culligan machine when she takes her grandson, Latarian Milton, to the Walmart deli for that fried chicken. Little does she know the Culligan machine is piping in the same city water she can get back in the trailer park, except they say it’s filtered. Except that filter is usually broke, bypassed or wore out, so she may actually be getting some bonus mold.

  11. hc

    If a waiter drops the check on my table without asking if I want anything else I am not a happy person. I may want dessert and coffee. I am not at a nice restaurant to stuff my face as quickly as possible and leave.

    It is only common politeness to ask before dropping a check.

    1. Anonymous

      The check isn’t chiseled in stone. If you want something else, tell your server and they’ll add it. Dumbass.

      1. hc

        Or the waiter can ask if I want anything else, to which I reply, no, just the check, or yes, I’d like some coffee and pie.

        I think the standards are different at fine dining restaurants and more casual restaurants. I can tell you that at Le Bernardin they do not just drop the check.


    2. Brad

      My company policy (corporate family chain restaurant) is to leave the check upon first check back (after 2 bites). I never do this(without a long explanation) as I feel that the customer will think I’m never going to come back to see if they need anything. On the other hand, I am pissed off when customers who I just glanced at and were still eating suddenly get up and go to the cash station without a check (implying that I never came back).

  12. Strip Club Bartender

    I guess all this really proves is that, like Gwenyth Paltrow and her readers, there’s a disconnect between us and the people we’re serving.

    If everyone worked a year of retail or food service the world would be a better place.

  13. ivana

    Lol it’s not a racist thing, but can you honestly tell us her race? I mean from her writing she OBVIOUSLY was a Canadian(that’s restaurant slang for a black person, and if you haven’t heard that expression you’re either a fool or lying to yourself) and everybody was thinking it. Lol not ignorant because I said what everybody was thinking (p.s. for all you self-righteous glib followers, a racist is a person who believe their race and their race alone is superior to every other race, saying a dumb bitch who eats watermelon without mentioning of her race and assuming I’m talking about a black person, that in itself is racist)_

    1. em

      This is definitely not what everyone was thinking. If it’s not a racist thing, then why even bring it up? Also, you’ve defined racial supremacy, not racism. Racism is judging people (often negatively) based solely on their race. And if you haven’t heard that “watermelon and fried chicken” are racist stereotypes for being black, you’re lying to yourself.

    2. Headset Hellion

      Actually, I was picturing a white woman, who grew up low-income and low class but married lower-middle class, with a raging sense of entitlement.

      Also, it is common knowledge here in the US that comments made about people eating watermelon and fried chicken are referring to black people. You just confirmed that yourself. It doesn’t make us racist to understand what you’re saying. So, nice attempt at gaslighting but it’s not going to work here.

  14. rey

    If you need at least for refills, may I suggest you go get your blood sugar checked. Consistent thirst is directly connected to diabetes. I don’t know where you come from but even tap water comes out of the sofa fountain. It’s filtered. Still tap. Now it is standard policy at my restaurant to drop the check at check back at lunch service. It’s not rude. Quite the opposite really. It’s for your convenience. Now I implore you dear Raven, sweet(not really), delusional Raven, to never,and I mean not ever sit in my section. I have been doing this for seventeen years, in saying that, I’m not scared whatsoever to put you in your place. Thank you. Have a beautiful day!

  15. colleen

    She seems like a horribly miserable person. I can not imagine her having many friends,or family that enjoy being around her. Unless that is, they think like her… God save us all.

  16. Hippie's Chick

    If she came into our dining establishment and acted like this…. I would have asked her to leave…. and said PLEASE DON’T COME BACK.

  17. katy

    Wow. Just wow. Pay $3 for a drink and get at least 4 refills? Don’t know how she is complaining about prices – maybe she should compare it to other countries and then rethink, cos if she walks into where I work (in Australia Australia) she is sure as shit paying for each of those refills…
    Also wondering which magical filter she thinks removes fluoride…

    1. Jarzmom

      Oh how I wish wish wish we didn’t have free refills!
      It hasn’t always been so; I’m old enough to remember when it started. I knew then that my life as a server would never be the same!

      1. Monica

        Ditto Jarzmom!! I too am old enough to remember that. Glad to know I am not the only “mature” gal here!!

  18. ivana

    With a name like “Raven” and the ignorance she displayed, if I was a betting man I’d say she loves fried chicken and watermelon

    1. Raven

      Wtf man.
      Why would you say that or assume that?
      My name is Raven and my mom was just a hippie!
      (Hi, Raven Jade, pleased to meet you)

    2. lin

      So does that make me racist? If I were a black man I’m sure it would be acceptable, the American society is too hypersensitive

      1. Headset Hellion

        At the very least, you’re a bigot. You don’t get to speak for black men or determine what’s acceptable for them to say. What’s really funny about your comments, though, is that by identifying yourself as Asian (for reasons unknown) you’ve stereotyped yourself.

    3. Henry

      Probably the same girl shoving pancakes in her purse at IHOP on free pancake day. ‘Cause they’re free, yo!

  19. Er-ock

    I think this bitch sat in my section yesterday.. 6 hours. Left $2 & change after giving attitude because her original server hadn’t filled up her coffee (whi had been gone over an hour already and the check was sitting there for an hour before I came on).

  20. Marissa

    Uh,most restaurants have their filters in the back, so whether water is coming out of the soda machine or the sink, it’s all been filtered the same way. Not sayin, just sayin.

    1. Parvati

      California law has all water used for drinking in restaurants to be filtered to some degree. This water is poured from the tap. Of course bottled water is always an option for guests that are concerned. I suggest Raven be more educated ( in general, and ummm MANNERS?) and conscientious about her water if she is that concerned about it. Buy a bottle and choke on it you fucking BITCH.

  21. Jmoney

    Raven you dumb cunt. All water you get is tap. Unless you request bottle or filtered. Then they bring the bottle to you. IT IS ALL TAP. Placing the check on the table is more likely than not part of the restaurants training manual. Which means managers require us to drop the check off and mention it’s only there for your convienicne, no rush. And refills. OMG refills. Hey Raven did you know most restaurants only have one drink station? Also my restaurant only has a soda station at the bar for a two level floor plan. Which means any soda, drink, or refill must have a ticket and must be made by a bartender. 400 people want drinks at the same time. Nightmare. If you can suck down 4 sodas while you eat diner you need to be more worried about what’s in those sodas than the tap water. God forbid you get lemons for the H20.

  22. Stephanie

    I am seriously wondering if this bitch doesn’t have some sort of a mental disorder that we should be feeling sorry for her. Seriously, who the fuck acts like this and is obsessed with sitting at a restaurant until they close, screaming about tap water and being given her check? Either she has some serious problems and should be heavily medicated and kept under doctor care, or she’s on crack.

    1. Monica

      I thought that also. Truly some mental issues going on here. I certainly don’t feel sorry for her as she reached out to “us” and my beloved Bitchy Waiter with all her crazy. RAVEN: I hope you get some help dear as it is not normal to get in a rage over things like this and especially things you know very little about. I am serious in my advice to seek help RAVEN. Good Luck.

  23. Lo

    What a vile piece of shit. If I had to wait on that cunt I would drop her food on the floor and then serve it to her fatness. The bathroom floor. I guess she doesn’t realize servers will absolutely do this to fat trolls like herself. She undoubtedly is an ugly troll with a fupa.

    1. Alecta

      My, aren’t you a hateful individual! Fat hate? Wow. That’s just pathetic – this “Raven” provided plenty to be angry about, but instead you have to hate on fat people.
      Choke on your own bile.

      1. Reginald van der Slythe

        Why aren’t you on TBW for saying she has a flat ass? Isn’t that skinny shaming, you two-faced, addle-pated homunculus?

        Kindly wander on back to tumblr, would you? No one wants any social justice wienies leaving their droppings all over the place.

  24. Heather

    This woman is ridiculous. Where does she think the water from a “drinking fountain” come from…if it was not tap water she would be paying for it, I am sure! I am sure no server randoly hands her a check without first asking IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE I CAN GET FOR YOU THIS EVENING… my guess is she is the bitch at the yable that doesnt pay attention when her server asks questions to the table. She is prob the one asking for a to go order after you bring the check. I find it hard to believ that she has friends that would wanna stay in public for an extended amount of time, either.

  25. servergirl

    Also, filtering only removes fluoride if it is filtered with a reverse osmosis filter, which is not at all standard. So, filtered or not…. your water still has fluoride.

  26. anythingbutmel

    Wow, Raven….brav-the-fuck-o!

    It is standard verbiage at even super upscale restaurants to refer to non bottled water as “tap.”
    Have you ever seen the inside of the nozzles of a coke machine? Mold! Screw that. Health departments dictate where served water is from in every state, and guess what! It is all filtered! Are you a rookie in this business? Bless your heart! And by that I mean suck it.

    Checks are presented at the end of the meal and some lunch service standards dictate leaving it during the meal. Not rude in the least!

    The only beverage you could sip on where I work for $3.00 is an iced tea and it is actually a tad more than that. Hopefully that keeps people like this Doll from camping in my house all night.

    There is a special place for diners like Raven. APPLEBEES! TAKE YO COUPONS GIRL!


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