Every server has his or her “go-to” book of phrases and actions for every diner. Some customers might not understand why we are asking certain questions or saying and doing certain things, but there is usually a reason behind every single utterance and move. Here are a few of them.
“Hello, my name is Bob and I will be your server tonight.” You may not care what your server’s name is and the truth is that Bob probably doesn’t want you to know his name either. In some restaurants, especially chains, it is policy to state your name when you greet a table. And you know that restaurant where the waitress writes her name on the paper table cloth? She’s probably required to do that too. Every once in a while, a server voluntarily announces their name because maybe they’d rather hear you bellow out “Bob, I need more Ranch!” than “Hey, I need more Ranch!” I would venture to guess that nine times out of ten, when a server tells you their name, they had to.
Placing a bev nap on the table. What do those things really do anyway other than get balled up or thrown on the floor? Are they acting as coasters? Are they to stick under the wobbly table leg to make it level? Well, in some restaurants, a bev nap on the table is a signal to other staff that this table has already been approached. It’s a marker to let the manager to know that ‘Yes, I greeted them and I am aware they are here.”
“Would you like bottled water or tap?” Of course everyone knows this is an attempt to raise the check average so that the restaurant can make more money and the server can get a bigger tip. However, in some places, a server’s shifts are determined by their sales, so for every person who orders tap water, that server’s sales are a little bit lower and consequently their shifts may dwindle. Is it fair? No, but now you know why so many servers are pushing bottled water.
“How is everything?” We genuinely want to know how how your food is. This is the time for customers to voice their concern about any problems that the server can take care of. If your steak needs to be cooked a little bit more, now is the time to say so. Don’t say “everything’s fine” and then grumble to your friends how miserable you are with your food. If a server asks how things are, tell them. If you say it’s good when it isn’t, you missed your chance to have it made right. And don’t leave a bad tip because the server didn’t so something for you when you didn’t let the server know there was a problem in the first place.
“Can I offer you dessert or coffee?” See bottled water explanation above.
“It’s my pleasure.” Does anyone really think that a server receives pleasure from removing a plate of leftover baby-back ribs? Of course not. It’s just what the server was told to say instead of “you’re welcome” or “no problem.” Pleasure usually involves something that does not happen while clocked in at a restaurant and wearing an apron. That is unless you worked at a certain Bennigan’s in the early 90’s where the hostess was sometimes known to offer pleasure to a couple of different bus boys in the walk-in.
“Do you need change?” Yes, this is annoying and I agree that all servers should assume that change is needed, but they really are just asking if you need change or not. They aren’t trying to finagle a $40 tip on a $60 check. A better way to say it would be, “I’ll be right back with your change” which would then give the customer the chance to say “Yes, thank you,” or “No, it’s all yours.”
Failing to fill your water glass up after you have paid the check. The server is officially done with you. Giving you more water is going to make you possibly stay longer when the server is ready to say good bye to you, clear the table and get someone else seated in their section. The more turnover there is, the more money there is to be made.
“Thank you, come again.” Even the worst of servers knows that their income is dependent on customers. No matter how phony it may sound, the server wants you to come back because if you don’t, their job is in jeopardy. If you left a 20% tip, the phrase may sound genuine. If you left a 5% tip, it may sound sarcastic. Your tip will determine the tone.
Josh M.
Hey, I have a question. Do waiters/ waitresses get tired of saying ‘your welcome’? Like what if a customer thanks them after every small action? Like everytime, they come to the table for something. Do they get tired of saying your welcome? Would they prefer it if you thanked them less? It’s a dumb question, but I always thank them, and I have always wondered this.
Chelsi
I’m just here to wait for the Raven Edition of Comment on Comments…
Chelsi
Oh shit it’s already here!
Lisa
Raven has to be joking, right? She’s TRYING to sound as ignorant as humanly possible, right? Wow…I’m just shocked at how fucking stupid she is. I never really read these comments, but this was like a train wreck. I couldn’t look away. Tap water? Free money? I think she is faking it just to get a rise out of us. But damn, it worked. What an illiterate loser piece of shit.
Michael K.
My favorite thing about reading this blog is having the same thing I read about during the day happen to me that night at work. It gives me a good laugh and I get to feel better about it. It’s like therapy. Thank you Raven for all the future free therapy sessions. Your punishment will be to live with yourself for the rest of your life. I could say all sorts of mean, nasty, and vile things to you, but I like better to think of you finally realizing the stain you have left on humanity. Thanks be to Bitchy Waiter, and all bitchy waiters everywhere!
Raven
…And due to this article, I WILL complain LOUDLY to a manager the next time some idiot waiter puts a fucking bill on my table when I HAVE NOT ASKED FOR ONE AND THEY DONT KNOW IF I’M FUCKING DONE YET. And then I will stay at that table as long as humanly possible, maybe until the restaurant closes if I’m not busy that day, and make sure to complain as loud as possible and swear a lot at kids and explain exactly why the fuck i have a right to eat and order whatever the fuck I want after I have already paid exorbitant prices for it, doing it this way in order to cause other customers to leave or not want to come back. You don’t get to fucking dictate when I am finished eating and/or ordering things.
The Bitchy Waiter
For you, Raven: https://thebitchywaiter.com/2015/04/a-comment-on-comments-the-crazy-bitch-edition.html
Lo
And I hope someone shits in your food, cunt.
Reginald van der Slythe
I truly hope you do that, because the look on your vapid face when they turf you and ban you for life for your behavior would certainly entertain everyone for years to come, you brainless slag. None of those are rights, you cretinous troll; and honestly, one classless troglodyte acting like a spoiled brat isn’t going to cause others to leave and not come back. If anything, they’ll stick around for the delightful moment you’re out on your ass and screaming empty threats of lawsuits to the air, applaud whoever threw you out, and then tip extra-well to make up for your hideous behavior.
Gogo
This is a repost, as it is necessary for Raven:
Being a waiter for 11 years in the past, whenever I had the misfortune of waiting on a douche bag, and it was very apparent at the onset, I would simply decide to forego any tip at all from said douche bag and intentionally make their dining experience as miserable as I could get away with. My reasoning is that I’m going get a really shitty tip anyway, so throw it out the window and enjoy the game of who can make whom the more miserable. I always won, and many times you’d never see that douche bag again. And that was precisely my intention, weeding out the assholes for the future.
Karen
Oh Raven,
Isn’t the real reason you have so much time to complain about such things because you are a nasty, lonely, no doubt frumpy, no one wants to fuck bitch that has nothing but time on her hands? Get a life sweetheart, and rest assured, the manager may nod and apologize to your face when you are spewing ignorance from your yawning bottomless shithole, but after you leave,we all get a good laugh and plot the next “secret ingredient” that will go into your next meal. I’m sure you have the same level of dissatisfaction with the person who cuts your hair into what I can only assume is that soccer mom hairdo that all the nasty, impossible to please bitches wear.
MAYO AND SPICES
Go ahead and swear at children and make a scence. I’d love to call the cops on you 🙂
Raven
Saying “Thank you, come again” is quite obviously going to make a customer return, it’s just going to make them wonder why the fuck you are so retarded. And oh yeah DUMBASS YOU DONT GET TO DECIDE WHEN THE FUCK I LEAVE RANDOMLY PUTTING BILLS ON MY TABLE WHEN I HAVE NOT ASKED FOR IT. WHEN I WANT TO LEAVE I WILL FUCKING LEAVE THAT’S HOW BUSINESSES WORK. I WILL CONTINUE TO HAVE MY DRINK UNTIL THEN AND IF YOU WANT SOMEONE TO LEAVE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE BETTER FILL IT UP. PROBABLY PAID NEARLY THREE DOLLARS FOR THAT DRINK; DO YOU THINK SOMEONE IS SO RIDICULOUSLY STUPID AS TO LEAVE BEFORE IT HAS BEEN REFILLED AT LEAST FOUR TIMES?! YOU TAKE AN HOUR TO REFILL THE DAMN DRINK THEN THAT’S AN EXTRA HOUR THAT THE PERSON HAS TO STAY IN THE RESTAURANT OBVIOUSLY. OH AND BY THE WAY ARE YOU NOT AWARE THAT THE NEW CUSTOMERS WHO COME IN CAN SIT AT THE OTHER FUCKING TABLES AND SOMEONE SITTING AT ONE DOES NOT “COST” ANY MONEY? FUCKING IDIOT, YOU DONT REFILL A DRINK THEN SOMEONE OBVIOUSLY IS NOT GOING TO COME BACK AND *******SURE******* AS FUCK WOULD NEVER LEAVE ANY TIP FOR A WAITER THAT CANT EVEN REFILL A FUCKING DRINK!!!!
Reginald van der Slythe
Simple math, you execrable hag: the more people that can use each table, the more money for the server. If they have five people come and go in the course of four hours, that’s five chances for tips; if one stupid, loudmouthed jackanape (that would be you, swine) hogs the table (see what I did there?) for those same four hours, that’s one tip (probably no tip, since you seem like the kind of miserable, subhuman beast that uses any excuse to stiff their server). Also, you don’t get to call anyone else “dumbass” or “retarded,” you hypocritical imbecile.
Nick
As a server, I agree with most of the things on the list. At the restaurant I work at, we aren’t required to ask if they want Tap or Bottled Water, if they ask for water we usually give them tap. Sometimes they’ll ask if we have bottled and we will tell them our options.
As for the change comment, I believe someone mentioned the fact that guests put the payment (whether cash or credit) in the book and close it. If its a card, it is usually peeking out. However, if cash, it’s hard to see how much it is so i usually ask if they need change. This isn’t me saying “PLEASE say no so I get a bigger tip!” this is me asking genuinely if I need to get you change or if I can say “Thank you, have a wonderful day!”
I always say “No Problem” or “You’re welcome” I never say “My pleasure.” To me, pleasure sounds fake. A simple You’re Welcome suffices for me when I am in the guest role.
As far as the name goes, guests hardly ever remember the server’s name. It’s usually physical descriptions, which as someone stated, is silly when you say you have the blond haired girl and there’s 5 of them working currently. I give out my name because I want my guests to know it so they could ask for me if they need something, instead of screaming “Hey you!” like others have mentioned. If I truly enjoyed a table, I’ll remind them at the end of their meal to come back and see me and ask for “Nick” and even go so far as to tell them my last initial, because we have 5 nicks working in my restaurant. That’s how I get repeat guests, is by going a step beyond.
Finally (I talk a lot, I know) when a guest has paid, I don’t completely ignore them, I just don’t go out of my way to service them. If a table that has paid is still sitting in my table, I will sometimes go back and ask if they need anything. Usually that’s my hint to them to please leave so I can get sat again, but sometimes the guest would like another water, in which case I’ll refill it. But if you are truly done, please just leave the restaurant so we can make more money.
Raven
TAP WATER WTF???!? It is NEVER okay to give someone fucking TAP water, unless you specifically inform them that that’s the kind of water you use at your restaurant, first. No one is interested in being poisoned without first agreeing to it!! When you order water at a restaurant, you are of course expecting for the water to come from the drink fountain, so you know it’s not tap. Are you telling me that restaurants have been poisoning me with fluoride and now for the rest of my life I have to specifically ensure that they are using water instead of poisoned water??!? But even McDonald’s does not use tap water! Why the hell wouldn’t you specifically make sure the customers know if they will be being given tap water when they think it has been filtered?!
Lo
Die you fat ugly piece of shit. It’s obvious you have never been laid. Whale.
Kristin
You can’t honestly think that the soda guns and fountains at restaurants are filtered water? lmao. Raven, seriously, I can’t tell if you’re just saying these stupid things for fun or if you’re honestly ignorant enough to believe the shit your typing.
bubbles
Ha, ha, ha! Oh my f-ing gosh golly retard. I have been reading ALL your many, many comments on this thread, but this one is by far my favorite. You have got to be THE MOST IGNORANT PERSON ON THE PLANET, but the awesome part about that is you have NO CLUE how dumb you actually are, or how amazingly stupid you come across as to the rest of us here. You are so bold to state your OPINION as matter-of-factly on a topic you are so obviously clueless on. When you enter a restaurant the entire place suffers all the way down to the quiet sleeping baby on the opposite side of the place. I would hate to end up as a member of your party somehow, I could handle you if I was your waitress with a goddamn smile on my face to boot (God forbid, but there are people like you, right?), but just to be clear, so maybe you can understand what I am saying NOT A SINGLE PERSON ON THIS THREAD WOULD WANT TO BE IN THE SAME RESTAURANT AS YOU AT THE SAME TIME. As someone who is very particular about the water I drink I have also done my research on the subject. Let’s say some make believe place actually does go above&beyond to change the water filters before they are recommended to, u will most always be drinking “poisoned water” anyway. Even great water filters DO NOT FILTER OUT FLUORIDE in most cases. To tell u the truth, you might be better-off asking for it straight out of the tap if you only knew how nasty a lot of those machines get on a regular basis. So, what you get is tap water plus other contamination, and please tell me you believe the ice is filtered, too… think slime, Raven. Ice machines are a very nasty creature in places all over the country. Sorry to be the one to break it to you. You can stay in la, la land with your selfish, dumb-bitch outlook on everything, or make a decision to join the real world where imperfection is a joy to behold, and people are sometimes willing to forgive others for simple bullshit mistakes. Sorry if I was slammed&didn’t follow the script you had played-out in your head before I was your waitress, and I’m sorry you feel such a strong urge to convince everyone to think like you. Before you start to criticize anything in the future learn about sentence formation, grammar, and how to communicate in a way others will understand because if I wasn’t disgusted by myself for having spent this much time on your-ass already, I would totally rip you a new one. Please note, unlike you, I extremely rarely post anything on comment threads, but you Definately deserved&earned this one. Good luck to you, Raven. I cannot even imagine how people like you come to be, and I feel bad for you.
Raven doesn't know what she's talking about and should just go home
Hahahahahaha I can’t figure out if you’re for real or not Raven. Do you think those guns the water comes out of are hooked up to a big Evian bottle somewhere or a bag of water? Where do you think your water is coming from? You’re funny
James
I’ve been pretty fortunate in picking good restaurants wherever I travel, whether it’s been a food truck or white table cloth with all the swirling and sniffing. I spend a little extra time picking the restaurant if I can, and I tip 20% as a minimum standard, and more if they’re really good. I work in restaurant training for a living as well, so I have a good eye without letting anyone know I’m watching. I’m usually just damn happy to be eating. Customers: If you don’t feel a reasonable tip is part of the meal, kindly stay home and don’t show up like a dick at a restaurant. Karma will get you. Treat your servers and bartenders well. Chances are they’re having a crazy day. I’m floored by all of the nerdholes who exert the energy required to berate people in this industry. You wanna make fun of someone’s job? I’m sorry your Dads were mean to you as kids.. holy shit.
Good on you, dishwashers, bussers,servers and the cooks in the back sweating their asses off for no tips at all. There is great honor in all of your work, and eventually there will be more money if you work hard. During the recession, the restaurant industry was growing. Think about that. The person at the top of the mountain wasn’t dropped off there. Have an above average service.
Raven
OKAY YOU REALIZE THAT WHEN THE PERSON YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT GIVING FREE MONEY TO MAKES MORE THEN YOU DO YOU DO NOT FUCKING TALK ABOUT “THEY MIGHT HAVE KIDS” OR WHATEVER I HAVE KIDS TOO, JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE “HAS BILLS TO PAY” DOES NOT MEAN ANYTHING, *UNLESS* YOU HAVE MORE MONEY AVAILABLE THEN THEY DO. WHEN YOU HAVE MORE THEN SOMEONE ELSE THAT IS WHEN YOU GIVE THEM FREE MONEY (or when you have stuff that you don’t need and they do need), NOT WHEN THEY HAVE MORE THEN YOU!
Stephanie
I feel very sorry for your children and wonder who in the hell would sleep with you in the first place. Free money? What the fuck are you talking about? Probably the government assistance you receieve, you sound like a DPA’er. It’s not free money, we work for it, you dumb bitch. Learn how tipping even works before you troll the internet.
Lexi
It’s not free money you stupid twat. They’re providing you with a fucking service. You wouldn’t go to a mechanic and then expect not to be charged, fuckwit. If you don’t want to tip take your fat ass to mcdonalds where slobs like you belong. Otherwise, you’re fucking stealing from that server, cause they still have to pay taxes on your fucking meal. If you don’t like the tipping system then stay the fuck home you stupid selfish cow.
MAYO AND SPICES
Free money??
We literally just served you for an hour. That’s called working, honey. Servers are on their feet for 10 hours, carrying huge trays and hot plates, providing customers service, and generally busting our asses.
Maybe you should try it sometime, instead of being a dick to servers venting about people like you on the internet.
You couldn’t last a day in our shoes 🙂
Sharon
@ Raven… You are using the word “THEN” when you should be using the word “THAN”.
monica
ah shit. maybe i’ll just get the bottled from now on
i wish people were generally smarter and cooler and servers could say “you’re welcome” instead of “my pleasure” and things like that. i’m aware some people think serving would be the undignified side of the transaction, but i honestly think being served is more so. let me explain:
our species went from going out and murdering/gathering/farming food for each individual, to having so much of it that we can make restaurants and use it to feed the regularly-fed masses who can afford (sustenance-wise) to be picky.
so theoretical restaurant patron is sitting there, for whatever reason prevented at the moment from murdering/gathering/farming and cooking food, possibly even incapable of doing at least some cooking, and has made himself or herself completely submissive to the server. the server is still capable of getting up and bringing all this shit. water, bev nap, beverage, food, fucking UTENSILS for god’s sake. and theoretical restaurant patron sits there in their dining room, completely vulnerable, eating.
who’s the loser? it doesn’t necessarily have to be either but if one is weaker, i say it’s the bastard sitting there paying to eat. our ancient ancestors would laugh at this reversed power hierarchy. servers should be some of the most respected members of society and should fucking be allowed to say “you’re welcome” or not have to pretend to enjoy shoveling shit crumbs off your nasty table.
jesus i wrote too much, i may have taken a little too much sudafed
monica
oh and not that there’s anything wrong with being submissive or vulnerable but i guarantee typical asshole restaurant complainer thinks there is. maybe that’s where some of the internal conflict comes from that makes them such assholes
erika
hahaha sudafed’s the shit
Zososcott
Ummm… I worked at Bennigan’s in 91 and 92. I was a love shack for sure!
Zososcott
It, not I! haha That was in King Of Prussia.
#ONTHEFLY
I love when the guests pay their small tab with a hundred dollar bill (oozing with sarcasm). That gives me the opportunity to ask them if they need change, and watch the look of horror appear on their face as the comment registers..when they assure me that they do, I simply say, “a girl can dream, can’t she?” Which is met with nervous relieved laughter. Last night, I saw a group counting money and approached them to see if they needed change and/or parking validation. I don’t like to immediately snatch money from guests the second they set it down, but due to past experiences of customers not leaving enough money, I use the guise of stamping their parking stub. This group handed me the empty check presenter and bolted. They scattered in every direction, and it seemed like a well-organized and perfectly executed way to ruin my day.
Laurel Knight
I am by no means no to the restaurant business I have been there since the age of 18 and I am now 48 I say those things because that’s what I want to say I still greet my tables with my name I still tell them I will be the one taking care of them.I ask my table for example if they bottle water not so much for a big tip but I am old school bigger sale mean alot to me. I stil ask my table if everything is ok after the first bite.and yes I asked if they would like change when its appropriate. And my table is still my table till they leave the restaurant….
Paulina
I have always wondered if waiters ín the U.S. really give their first name when greeting a customer. As far as I know, nobody does that over here. O.k., we are very much Old Europe and would not like to be on a first name basis with a stranger. Also, in some European countries it is considered extremely rude to address an adult by his or her first name when he or she is supposed to call you “Sir” or “Madam”. Do the waiters give their real names or do they just invent one for work?
Karen
I have never heard of somebody making up a name while serving a table. The reason you tell them your name is how you build repeat customers & prevents them from yelling “hey you” and everyone looking…or asking another server for you ” Who is your server?The blonde girl” There is 3 of us!!
Raven
Well they are going to know who your waiter is anyway since they can see which table you are sitting at. It does make sense to give the names so that they can say your name if they need something instead of not knowing which waiter is being called, but then, it is weird to call a waiter by their name so at the same time it is weird. I think it’s better to just wear the name tag but make sure the name tags are big enough that everyone can always see them. Then you don’t have to worry about the awkwardness of saying what your name is and the customer does not have the awkwardness of not knowing how to refer to you and trying to avoid saying the name if there are four waiters around because you never said “My name is…” so they know it’s less weird to use your name if they need to.
amy
The restaurant I currently work in requires a bazillion different things to be said to each guest, but they are flexible about how we say them. I am with everyone else on the change thing. “I will be right back with your change” has the same results, without sounding rude or giving the wrong impression. Although, if you tell me its all set and I “accidentally” bring the change, its because I’m hoping that you have horrible math skills.
ashley
Lol @ laurel…somebody’s new to the restaurant business
Chris
As far as lemon in tea or water to “skippy mom” up there; thats ridiculous that you would get upset about it… its a stupid thing to be upset about; I’m personally not sure when it became customary for people to request lemons with water and tea but it is 97-98% of all customers that “require” the extra garnish with their beverage… therefore you should understand that unless you specifically request it NOT be in there it will most likely end up in your drink, as it has become 2nd nature to add right after pouring each and every galss of the thousands most of us servers fill each week
Serenity
lol, yeah, “SkippyMom” has a stick up her bum. I’ve “seen” her around, and while she claims to be/have been in the industry, she always comes across as though she thinks she’s superior, and as somewhat of a troll. You can ask for “no lemon” all you want, but since 99.9% of people want it, chances are auto pilot is going to kick in and lemon is going to end up in there. Oh, the horror!!! Anyone who has been in the industry and is going to “deduct” tips for that, should spend purgatory waiting on all the “bad guests”….like themselves!
Raven
She didn’t say she will deduct tips for having a lemon. She said she will deduct tips for having a lemon after she specifically asked not to AND ALSO THEN ASKING WHETHER THEY NEED CHANGE REGARDLESS OF THE FACT THAT THE BILL IS LESS THEN THE AMOUNT OF MONEY THEY GAVE YOU.
It should be to deduct tips only when you say, “Uh, I asked for no lemon??” and the waiter gets annoyed by this, or if they just drop it on your table and walk away before you can say anything. If they do the normal thing instead and immediately turn around when you say, “Hey, this wasn’t supposed to have lemon!” and then say, “Oh, sorry, let me get you another one” and then immediately bring it (since it was obviously your turn in the queue since they have already brought you one), then there should be no reason to affect a tip.
Tipsykit
I will also throw out there that if you ask for no lemon, I might forget and put it on there anyway, remember that you asked not to have it, and then remove the lemon and still give you that same glass. So the lemon nastiness still touched your glass, sorry!
Raven
Then you need to be immediately fired because you should not be putting your fingers in people’s drinks. This is not the equivalent of scraping the mayonnaise off the bun on the side of the counter. It is the equivalent of putting the mayonnaise on the bun in the first place with your fingers instead of a knife, and THEN scraping it on the side of the counter.
Thomas
Lemons are often cut into wedges and cut so they can rest on the rim of the glass. So, no fingers in the drink.
Kristin
You’re a fucking idiot Raven. You do fucking realize, you ignorant slow-minded moron, that our fingers TOUCH THE LEMON WHILE THEY ARE BEING CUT to put into your fucking water and then our fingers touch them AGAIN WHEN THEY ARE PUT ON THE GLASS!?!?! If you are scared of fingers touching your drink or food, stay the fuck home bitch. I will bet you at any given time I’m working my hands are 99% cleaner than your filthy grubby nubs.
MAYO AND SPICES
Wow.
You have clearly never worked in a restaurant. I f there is literally nothing on your plate but “mayonnaise and spices,” you are insane to assume I will leave it there for you to lick clean. Pre-booking is our job. I usually ask, “can I take that out of your way?” But if there is MAYONNAISE AND SPICES LEFT, I won’t ask.
Btw… most managers won’t replace your meal because you FAILED to tell the server that you weren’t done and let them take away your FUCKING MAYONNAISE AND SPICES. He’ll ask if you ate it, check the trash, apologize, and politely decline your request. If you get rude, so will he.
MAYO AND SPICES
Raven:
Cooks don’t wear gloves, honey. Where I work, it’s a hazard because the gloves can actually melt to their skin from the heat of certain appliances we use. So, they touch your food all day long with their un-gloved hands, all day long. Deal with it, or cook at home.
management
she said she specifically asked for no lemon and the server should listen to her request. 99.999999 percent of the time lemons are not washed and are nasty as hell. be gracious and get her more water without thinking shes being bitchy. I hate lemon in my water becuase its discusting
kron
People make mistakes, especially when a restaurant is slammed…because/becuase(lol)
Really
Lemons are disgusting, eh? Haha… Really, it amazes me the things people get tripped up about at restaurants… people who won’t drink out of the glasses, freak out about a lemon wedge – oh the horror!!! – who request to-go cups and to-go silverware… but then eat off the plates, touch the salt and pepper shakers that haven’t been wiped for an entire shift, and eat food that someone else prepared. How about the cook that fixed your steak who has the flu but was told that he had to work because they’re short-staffed? Or the server who just went back and made a side salad with their bare hands because the cooks were too busy… after handling money? Hell, I’ve seen plates where the cook put the wrong steak with the wrong side… and the server’s solution was to pick the steaks up with their bare hands and switch them. So yeah. Worry about those LEMONS.
None of these things are GOOD, but having been in the industry for over 10 years, they HAPPEN. All kinds of crazy shit goes down when it’s balls to the walls and everyone’s trying to take shortcuts to get things done faster so that they don’t have an asshole freak out on them. If you can’t accept that, you should probably stay home in your sanitized environment.
Having said all that, if you forget a guest’s request to have no lemon, you apologize, roll your eyes on your way to the kitchen, and get them a new glass. It’s far from a huge mistake, it happens to every server at some point or another. A guest who punishes you for something so trivial is just a douche, and dealing with a douche here or there (or every other table on some nights) is what we signed up for.
Gogo
Being a waiter for 11 years in the past, whenever I had the misfortune of waiting on a douche bag, and it was very apparent at the onset, I would simply decide to forego any tip at all from said douche bag and intentionally make their dining experience as miserable as I could get away with. My reasoning is that I’m going get a really shitty tip anyway, so throw it out the window and enjoy the game of who can make whom the more miserable. I always won, and many times you’d never see that douche bag again. And that was precisely my intention, weeding out the assholes for the future.
Raven
And since he HAS SPECIFICALLY REQUESTED THAT IT NOT BE IN THERE before making this comment, then how is your comment relevant at all since you are referring to people only who don’t specifically request it?
Chris
when i am about to get my customer ‘cashed out’ i have found that the best reaction is when i say “May I get you some change” as i reach for the bill or book with the money- sometimes it is unnoticed and i get change unnecessarily however it usually grabs the customer’s attention and i get a response of “no thank you the change is yours” or a simple “thank you” or “yes” if change is needed
SkippyMom
There is never, ever a reason to say “Would you like/Do you need change?” As a server and a guest, I know it is a trip saved to know if a return of money is needed, but stop peeving off the dining public with an assumptive sentence.
“I’ll be right back with your change.” Acceptable and works everytime.
Asking “Do you need change” and dropping a cut lemon in my ice tea, after I have asked for no lemon, will send the 25-30% tip I was going to leave going downhill. Nothing really bothers me but those two things. I understand and appreciate all the other things are required and mean something. Heck, I got over the server crouching at the table thing at corporate restaurants b/c I know they have to do it, but more times than not I am giving you ALL the change and sending my ice tea back because I don’t want the nasty in my tea.
enid oreilley
To be fair, asking “Do you need change?” is not assumptive. It is a neutral, straightforward question, requesting a simple “Yes” or “No”. It is assumptive to say, “I’ll be right back with your change.” You have made the assumption that they need change. I understand that asking if someone needs change sounds like an assumption to the diner, and I agree, it does get me a little defensive when I am dining out. I am in agreement that there are typically better ways to phrase this, but I also understand that there are times when you are so slammed that you don’t feel like going through the rigmarole of saying, “I’ll be right back with your change” to a table that is clearly distracted and/or most likely is leaving the change for you.
Michael K.
Leave the semantics of it alone. Just pick up the check presenter and go to process the payment. I have on numerous occasions said, “I’ll be right back with your change” only to have the customer say “no, it’s all for you.” Meanwhile back at the server station I realize their change is a 10 dollar tip on a 120 dollar bill. Now I can’t bring the change to illustrate how poor their tip is. See what I’m saying?
cjane
Yeah, why spoil your complaint with silly things like logic and accuracy. Go, you.
kron
Funny how different things annoy us. As a guest I hate running out of drink in the middle of my dinner and it doesn’t get filled, and when dirty finished plates aren’t removed. Needless to say, I am on top of those things as a server. I could care less about being asked if I need change, although I rarely ask them that myself.
erika
To me, being weirdly particular about one unimportant thing is as bad as being weirdly particular about everything.
“Oh I’m totally cool with everything EXCEPT… [insert total who the fuck cares minor thing]”
No, you’re still a dick. All these people too “used to be servers” wtf??
Raven
…Of course, he did not insert any “minor thing,” but rather, he mentioned that he doesn’t like it when the thing he ORDERED and PAID FOR is LITERALLY UNDRINKABLE, and when some idiot waiter just ASSUMES that not only are you going to give them a tip, but also even assumes the AMOUNT of the tip!
Now as for the dishes… I don’t recall you stating that you had informed the waiter that you want the dishes to be removed? Because sure as fuck is a damn problem if they are taken when you are still eating like they usually are… in that case, I will expect a free replacement of the food item that was on the plate they took away, and if not then there will be a complaint to corporate, a bad Yelp review, and a campaign for friends not to go there, as generally businesses that you are paying for service from are not supposed to steal from you. As a waiter I am quite sure that your manager will not appreciate it when he has to replace an entire sandwich because you took the leftover spices and mayonnaise without permission otherwise known as FUCKING STEALING from the customer. And as the manager I am sure he is not happy about doing this either. Do not be a theif and take plates away if the customer has not specifically said, “Please take this plate.” I should be allowed to go to the bathroom without having to specifically fucking inform you not to steal from me, and to perhaps have to wait 20 minutes for you to walk by my table just to do this.
Thomas
“you took the leftover spices and mayonnaise without permission”
WTF
You are not serious.
Larysa
You simply can’t be making a real statement right now. You really want to take home spices and mayo?
On the off chance I ‘steal’ those from you (and let’s not forget that you’re paying for the sandwich, not the mayo- with or without mayo the sandwich costs the same), I will happily replace the mayo and spices at no charge- in fact I’ll give you more than you originally had. But just because I took an empty plate someone told me you’re done with, I am not getting you a free new sandwich.
You cannot be a real person, I swear.
Llama
Or they are super fat and just want to lick the plate. Idk anyone else who would complain about that except for a fat person who just wants extra, free, food.
Kaile
RAVEN: Dumb bitch. You should not be allowed to go out in a public. Most people get annoyed when you leave empty plates in front of them. If there’s just mayonnaise left on your plate the server will most likely take it away because what kind of nasty bitch eats straight mayonnaise but even still they’ll probably ask because of fucking pyschos like you who will push their practically empty plate away and start talking and then freak out if we go to ask if your finished. If you’re that concerned about it you should make it more clear what the fuck youre doing. We are not trying to steal from you, just give efficient service. Let’s say you didn’t want that mayonnaise and we just left it there you would probably bitch about the fact there a plate left on your table. Based on all of your comments you’ve clearly never worked in a restaurant and its basically pointless trying to communicate with you. .
Mj
basically, Raven is a lazy server and doesn’t like to pre-bus.
Sarah
wow Raven, you are just quite the bitch, aren’t you dear? You, and people like you are exactly why blogs like these exist. I’m extending an open invitation for you to come to my restaurant, I would so dearly love to put you in your place.
Megan
you’re a special kind of special aren’t you
Monica
Stealing from you?? Technically you have not paid for it yet, so fuck you. Even if this was a cafeteria style place and you HAD paid for it, I don’t know how in your psycho mind a minor restaurant misunderstanding turns into a felony. Crazytrain!
Karen
Oh Raven…Where do I begin?
Many people have responded to the douchbaggery that was your comment about removing plates, so let’s move on to the more pressing issues. First of all, ” some idiot waiter just ASSUMES that not only are you going to give them a tip…”. Wow, have you ever waited tables, Raven? Obviously not, because the ones who are “idiots” are the ones who leave crying after their first shift alone, never to return, probably because they had to wait on some dumb bitch such as yourself. Secondly, should we not assume to be tipped? Or should we be satisfied with watching you suck down ranch dressing chased with as much Diet Coke as you can pour down that yawning bottomless shithole you call a mouth?
On to your next ignorant statement. “there will be a complaint to corporate, a bad Yelp review…blah blah blah.
Isn’t the real problem that you have nothing but time for these small minded, petty, bitch no one wants to fuck activities? And honey, if it takes your server 20 minutes to walk past your table, it’s because you are a nasty, waste of skin pitiful excuse for a human being, and your server is hoping you choke on your food and doesn’t want to be obligated to give you CPR.
Sheryl
FYI – saying “I’ll be back with your change” does not work everytime. I use that all the time and very often end up getting the change as the tip.
PSA – anyone with a teenager who goes to restaurants with servers – teach them to tip and/or behave in a restaurant.
Geoff Burkman
My hackles went up when I read “Do you need change?” Happily, they relaxed when you pointed out the far superior alternative, “I’ll be right back with your change.” The first should never be used unless, perhaps, you are extremely familiar with the party and know it won’t be taken as conniving, and you’re in a hurry hacking through the weeds.
The second accomplishes exactly the same results with no hint of faux pas. It’s far more professional, and has the added benefit of never provoking a response of, “Yes! Every last penny!”
anne marie
“That is unless you worked at a certain Bennigan’s in the early 90’s where the hostess was sometimes known to offer pleasure to a couple of different bus boys in the walk-in.” – talk about job benefits! bwhahahaha!
Thomas
Applebee’s wants us to say our name. I don’t I have a name tag. When I go out, I often forget the name of my server, right after they tell me. (just bad with names)
Bev Naps..check
I stopped asking if they want bottle water…
I ask how is everything, because I really care if they like the food.
I say “Can I intrest anyone in desert?” Or, “Will there be desert in your future?” If there are kids, I say “Is there anything else I can get you tonight?” So the parents don’t get pissed off.
I NEVER say “no problem” I say “of course, or right away”.
I say “I’ll be back with change”.
Applbee’s want us to say “See you tomorrow!” I just say “thanks for coming in, hope to see you soon.”
Keebs
I don’t blame you for not wanting to say “see you tomorrow!” – that sounds so corny. Your version is much better.
Is it rude to say “no problem” at a casual restaurant? I usually say either “no problem”, “absolutely”, or “certainly”. I didn’t know that was rude 🙁
sharon powell
No, I don’t think it’s rude to say no problem. I do think it’s weird when McDonalds says see you tomorrow and I only go there like one every couple of months…
Faith
When there are younger kids, I say something “What are you doing for a finale? ” With older kids I still use what’s for dessert? But if the parents say no to the kids request for dessert I just say sorry I got vetoed! Works every time.
Allie
The change thing is not because I’m finagling for a larger tip, it’s to save me a bunch of time making change and running it back, only to bet old, ‘Oh, no, you didn’t need to do that.’ No biggie when it’s slow, but when you’re slammed, it makes a huge difference. I’ve tried to stop asking people if they ‘want’ things, as I don’t like how it sounds. Instead, I’d say ‘would you like’ or ‘do you need’.
‘It’s my pleasure’ is something I say only when genuine. A simple ‘you’re welcome’, ‘of course’, or a chipper ‘absolutely!’ I get pleasure from serving when the people/dynamic is right, and sometimes I to s a pleasure to wait on a table, especially when contrasted with the dicks, impatient people, endlessly shrieking children, people with voluntary diet restrictions that come in and make that MY problem somehow, and so on.
Keebs
I agree. Many times if I say “I’ll be right back with your change”, a guest will not say anything, and it turns out I made change for nothing (which can eat up a good chunk of time).
It might be perceived as rude to ask if they need change, but at my restaurant the guests usually will put cash in the book, so I have no idea how much money is in there until I open it. I mean shoot, it could be exact change down to the penny in which case they wouldn’t need change.
If they leave the money out in plain sight, then I’ll say “I’ll be right back with your change”, but if the money is hidden in the book, I’ll ask if they need any.
Keebs
If you say “I’ll be right back with your change”, a lot of times it doesn’t seem to register with the guest, and I’ll end up making change when they didn’t want any. (I don’t blame them – I’m certainly not always at full attention in a restaurant, especially at the end of a meal). But asking a question engages a guest and gets an answer.
My guests don’t seem to mind as far as I can tell, but maybe I’ll switch since everyone here is saying it’s rude. It’s just hard to accept wasting the time to make unnecessary change every night because I work at a restaurant where servers keep our own banks, run all the food, bus the tables, and assemble the desserts and salads.
sharon powell
I don’t really think it’s rude, but I have had a pizza delivered and it comes to like 25.00 and all I have is two twenties, I have had them ask if I need change..ummm yeah. LOL
Frappuccinos
I am curious, how is it not your “problem” that a customer might have special diet restrictions, even when “voluntary”? Not even trying to sound like a jerk here; I’m genuinely inquiring about why this is not considered to be part of a server’s job. If I’m trying to lose weight, for example, I still might go out with friends and family, and I might need to order with my goals in mind. I don’t understand why so many servers are mean-spirited like this. 🙁
Hash Slinging Slasher
Because so many others are complete assholes about it, that’s why. You know the story of the little boy that cried wolf? Apply that to the hoardes of fakers and attention seekers. After a while, restaurant staff just quits caring. It’s shitty, I know, but it is what it is. Do your part to help, if you know someone who is a toolbag with that practice, get them to stop….. by any means necessary.
Any. Means. Necessary.
kron
I get people who ask questions such as…”so what do you have that’s gluten free?” They ask things before they even look at the menu. When your busy you cannot go through the menu with them and most of it is pretty self explanatory. Choose a few things you might like and then ask the questions.
Raven
Not really, almost everything has gluten in it. Simply answer the question. “We have ____ and ____.” Or, “That menu section is on ____ page.” Or, “I don’t know. Are you aware of what types of foods cannot have gluten in them? Or would you like me to bring you the manager to see if he knows?”.
Mary J
No almost everything does not have gluten in it! And if you are trying to eat gluten free for some assanin reason because 99% of you are not celiacs, then fucking research before you come into restaurants asking what’s gluten free before you even read the menu. Here’s a helpful hint: order a salad.
Bunny Boo
HAHA exactly
MEL B
AGREED!
dtugbf
If the restaurant your at doesn’t make things the way you want to be made be an adult and just eat it, or don’t. If it’s actually essential that you need something made a specific way go to one that does and stops bothering me or go home and cook it yourself. Professional Chefs bust their asses to design menus with intricate ingredient and cooking methods. You coming in and expecting things to be made special for you is ignorant and self centred. There’s an entire restaurant full of people that now have to wait a little longer for their food because you need gluten free pasta (btw screw anyone who claims to need gluten free except the .01% of the population that actually have celiac desires).
If you still insist on being the person that everyone hates you better tip 20% or don’t come back.
Raven
Uhhh, if you think that “everyone hates” someone just because they don’t want some disgusting thing like tomato on their food, you have a fucking problem and need to quit immediately regardless of whether it makes you homeless or not. For some people, THAT’S THE WHOLE POINT of going to a sit-down restaurant in the first place… so that they can actually order something without some idiot at Burger King screwing it up.
Stephanie
You’re a fucking idiot. He’s not talking about just leaving out tomatoes. He’s talking about people that want to totally change a menu item until it’s almost unrecognizable or substitute a bunch of shit. It’s time consuming and irritating, especially when people try to kind of create their own dish using items on the menu. Keep your ass at fucking Burger King, unless you’ve already been banned from there. Dumb ass
aaron
I’ve worked in a restaurant where altering the menu was common, and completely acceptable, but I’ve also had the pleasure to work with Chefs who have spent the time, and put their hearts and souls into perfecting their craft, solely to offer their creations to the public. I wouldn’t go to a concert and give the band my set list, and expect them to alter the entire show to accommodate it, because that would be ridiculous. There are places that cater to looser interpretations of the menu, and if you absolutely can not sit down to a meal without putting your personal spin on it, I recommend you patronize those places. I don’t think it’s rude. I would never hold a gun to your head, and force you to stay. Quite the contrary, I would be the first to recommend another restaurant that better suits your needs.
Charlotte Broccolo
I work in a place that bends to dietary restrictions. It can be a pain in the butt and a lot of times are not compensated by a nice tip. On the other hand, I have people that come in at least once a week with those restrictions who tip beyond generously. They ask for me and tip so well I honestly feel guilty. It’s a “take the good with the bad” kinda thing. But, I’ll tell you, I make more in this restaurant than I did in my dental profession. When it got to the point that I had to pick one job over the other, the answer was clear.
tabitha
Because.your special dietary restrictions are going to delay your food. Say I work at a copy place. And its a busy copy place with about 4 customers and 4 different designs apiece. Denny diet comes in and now needs me to change to paper reel reformat the machine and step c, d and e…. before I can begin on his 6 specially unique copies. Leaving all my other customers mad that im not doing anything for them. I complete each and every step and denny diet then throws it all in the trash on his way out the door. Did taking food out of it make it easier. A true medical “I will die on ur floor after I swell up and vomit” I dont mind at all doing anything for. If u tell me your a vegetarian I will point out the hidden meat products. I dont mind, its my job. You decide you want to eat “raw” or the south diet or the cucumber diet or whatever….please tip. Because the extra time to do these things is Literally money from our pockets. I may as well pull money out and burn it. If you cook ur special meal at home you know its perfect for you. I serve because I enjoy it but also because I support a small daughter. We have families and you are ripping the cereal from there mouths when you insist on each lettuce leaf washed and dried with only fresh lemon squeezed on it. I get it lose weight. Lower ur blood sugar I r blood pressure. But do it with respect forct him e person who got up of bed dressed and drove to work to be your puppet. And if you order chocolate cake for dessert with extra ice cream please know that you are being made fun of.
livin the dream
Because I am your server, not your dietitian. That’s why. I’m willing to work with someone, but within reason.
Kalia
We aren’t trying to be “mean-spirited.” I usually don’t mind when customers ask for specialized dishes. But on a busy night when I’ve got 10 tables and we’re short on cooks, explaining the ingredients to SEVERAL dishes, and telling you where substitutions can and cannot be made, simply because you came to a seafood restaurant and claim to hate seafood (but want a little of it anyway), takes up too much time. It takes away from my service at other tables and so they tip me less because I spent so much time with you, explaining things.
If you have dietary restrictions or dislikes, make sure you pick something that doesn’t require too many substitutions or complications, and we won’t complain. Be considerate of us, please. Your time is our money.
P.S… yes, I do like my job.
Melissa
Ahh because when you go out of your way to endure their dinner is dairy or gluten free so they don’t die then they go ahead and order key lime pie for dessert or eat another guests bread believe me you stop giving a shit
Eric
As a server, I say all these things. Except “Do you want change?” This sounded rude to me so I’ve always said “I’ll be right back with your change.” I love my job, the interaction, the pace, and the crazy adrenaline laced nights. I do my best to make my guests repeat guests, but I’ll admit, there are a lot of lines I’m absolutely required to say which I would rather not because they seem to irritate a lot of our ‘oh so dear’ online guests/critics.
Laurel Knight
I think you are so very wrong I say those thing because they are the proper things to say, you make them sound very negative and misleading. I love working in a restaurant and I know it will never make me rich, how many people can say they love their job.
chelsea
Oh sweetheart you must be new…when you work in the industry as long as we have it’s going to get to you and if you don’t think it’s the truth or that it’s not funny then you are in minority and probably the managers pet but just wait you’ll see. I love my job too and I usually mean it when I say my pleasure but I wouldn’t do it for free so it’s not correct to say that this is negative. I love Bitchy Waiter because he speaks the truth and no one else has the ability to connect with so many servers like he does. It’s a joke and he is probably the best employee, don’t hate on this because it’s 100% the truth everyone has job issues there’s not very many jobs out there that don’t have little problems because we’re not perfect!
Bunny Boo
Oh this is so a newbie!! Good come back.