Last week I wrote a little something based on the questions that Google predicted I was typing in when I did a search about waiters. I was surprised at what other questions people had typed into Google and I decided it would be fun for me to give my own answers to those question. One of the questions was “Why do waiters put salt on napkins?” I admitted that I had never heard of that practice and did not even attempt to come up with an answer. Lo and behold, I was bombarded with people telling me what the correct answer is: it seems that placing salt on a bev nap keeps the napkin from sticking to the glass every time the glass is picked up. I also learned that it is mostly customers who do this little trick rather then the servers because it makes a mess and no server is going to intentionally create more of a mess that they will then have to clean up themselves.
At first I thought, “Oh, what a neat trick to know” and “How have I never heard of that before since I have been serving since the olden days of yore?” Most people who let me know about the trick were kind and happy to impart their knowledge to me and to others. A couple of people though were downright rude about me not knowing the little bar trick and were rather insulting to me. I know of insulting because I do it on a daily basis. To those two people, I shall reply.
Real waiter said: You don’t understand the salt on a bev nap? Clearly, you’ve never worked in a restaurant.
Okay, look, Real Waiter. No, I have never heard of the stupid fucking “salt on the bev nap” technique. Plenty of people mentioned that it most often happens in bars and places like Chili’s and TGIFriday’s so forgive me for not knowing every single thing that has ever happened in every restaurant over the history of fucking time. For you to imply that I have never worked in a restaurant is quite frankly the rudest thing anyone has ever said to me. Of course I have. And I still do. Why, this is a bathroom selfie I took at work just a few days ago as I was about to mop the restaurant. (I am the one on the left.)
Does that look like the selfie that someone would take in their own restroom? Of course not. It is clearly a selfie taken by a restaurant server who is slightly buzzed, very bored and holding a disgusting mop. (Again, I’m the one on the left.)
bartenderD said: My bar guests know more about serving than Bitchy Waiter and they work construction lol I agree that some of those questions are not the best but the answers from Bitchy Waiter show more ignorance than the people asking the questions. Lost all credibility IMO.
bartenderD does not understand what satire is. Yes, I answered some of the questions in a facetious way and it went right over his head lol. For example, when answering the question about why waiters pour a little bit of wine, I wrote it as if the only time I pour wine is when it is for me to drink. Of course I understand about pouring a taste of wine for the person who ordered it and I understand about proper wine pours when filling a glass. The answer I gave does not show ignorance but your statement certainly does because you say I have lost all credibility. Well, the joke’s on you, bartenderD, because I didn’t have any credibility to begin with, so there.
Both of these commenters have cut me to to the quick, for they imply that I do not deserve to be called a waiter. Well, I am a waiter and a damn good one, albeit a little bit bitchy. I take offense at what you both say and although I just spat out about 700 words to prove my point, the video below explains exactly how I feel in three short words.