A Comment on Comments, the Google Questions Edition

A Comment on Comments

A Comment on Comments

Last week I wrote a little something based on the questions that Google predicted I was typing in when I did a search about waiters. I was surprised at what other questions people had typed into Google and I decided it would be fun for me to give my own answers to those question. One of the questions was “Why do waiters put salt on napkins?” I admitted that I had never heard of that practice and did not even attempt to come up with an answer. Lo and behold, I was bombarded with people telling me what the correct answer is: it seems that placing salt on a bev nap keeps the napkin from sticking to the glass every time the glass is picked up. I also learned that it is mostly customers who do this little trick rather then the servers because it makes a mess and no server is going to intentionally create more of a mess that they will then have to clean up themselves.

At first I thought, “Oh, what a neat trick to know” and “How have I never heard of that before since I have been serving since the olden days of yore?” Most people who let me know about the trick were kind and happy to impart their knowledge to me and to others. A couple of people though were downright rude about me not knowing the little bar trick and were rather insulting to me. I know of insulting because I do it on a daily basis. To those two people, I shall reply.

Real waiter said: You don’t understand the salt on a bev nap? Clearly, you’ve never worked in a restaurant.

Okay, look, Real Waiter. No, I have never heard of the stupid fucking “salt on the bev nap” technique. Plenty of people mentioned that it most often happens in bars and places like Chili’s and TGIFriday’s so forgive me for not knowing every single thing that has ever happened in every restaurant over the history of fucking time. For you to imply that I have never worked in a restaurant is quite frankly the rudest thing anyone has ever said to me. Of course I have. And I still do. Why, this is a bathroom selfie I took at work just a few days ago as I was about to mop the restaurant. (I am the one on the left.)

I am the one on the left.

That’s me with the glasses.

Does that look like the selfie that someone would take in their own restroom? Of course not. It is clearly a selfie taken by a restaurant server who is slightly buzzed, very bored and holding a disgusting mop. (Again, I’m the one on the left.)

bartenderD said: My bar guests know more about serving than Bitchy Waiter and they work construction lol I agree that some of those questions are not the best but the answers from Bitchy Waiter show more ignorance than the people asking the questions. Lost all credibility IMO.

bartenderD does not understand what satire is. Yes, I answered some of the questions in a facetious way and it went right over his head lol. For example, when answering the question about why waiters pour a little bit of wine, I wrote it as if the only time I pour wine is when it is for me to drink. Of course I understand about pouring a taste of wine for the person who ordered it and I understand about proper wine pours when filling a glass. The answer I gave does not show ignorance but your statement certainly does because you say I have lost all credibility. Well, the joke’s on you, bartenderD, because I didn’t have any credibility to begin with, so there.

Both of these commenters have cut me to to the quick, for they imply that I do not deserve to be called a waiter. Well, I am a waiter and a damn good one, albeit a little bit bitchy. I take offense at what you both say and although I just spat out about 700 words to prove my point, the video below explains exactly how I feel in three short words.

35 thoughts on “A Comment on Comments, the Google Questions Edition

  1. Karma Girl

    I’m not a bartender or a server, but I don’t remember a server ever sprinkling salt on my cocktail/drink napkin. Then again, after the first alcoholic beverage things do get a bit blurry for me so…

  2. Besus

    Rarely do I voice my opinion, unvoiced the Bitchy grows strong, then diareahs out mouth to fellow dregs in this rabble against unknownst Comrades in Arms!!!! Fuck that bev nap! Salt ur own fucking drink. Jesus if they wanna drag that damn flag everywhere. Boredom is often saved by these Touched Shits, just a touch o Tard or down. Fuckin Boo Wendy Boo!! There prestriked but fuckin self righteous pricks who rant about absolute Retarded Garbage dissing this shcmuck. Bra never a selfie w a mop. No mop unless it’s the patron’s mop Bobbin along dragging that bevnap fucking Worldwide her (or his: prison)Baahahaha… Damn I’m seriously cocktails the fuck up.Dude abides but damn… Y’all fucking cut throat ranting fucks…Can’t we all just Whooo de Whooo?? I may or may not be medicated by my Doctor. I’m a Bartender I’m the fucking Doc. Respect Bitches. Your welcome.

  3. Jill

    I’ve never worked in a restaurant, but I learned about the salt trick while accompanying my beloved husband to dine at…Hooters (hangs head in shame). The server salted a napkin before setting a beer mug down on it. He asked her why she was doing that and she explained the physics.

    Also, I am a VERY accommodating wife.

  4. andrea

    I absolutely hate it when customers do this! Its so annoying and it gets salt all over the table. Usually you can’t even see the salt so when you lift up the napkin, salt everywhere! For those people who think its a fun cleaver trick it’s stupid as shit and I loath those customers.

  5. Mangler

    My favorite are people who will complain and send items back at applebees and fridays? How does that go? “Waiter, my 2 for 1 deep fried extra well done turd tastes more like shoe leather than normal. Also, there’s salt all over my lap from the bev nap. Can I speak to your manager?”

  6. Parvati

    10 years in the industry in Napa as a host,server,bartender, and manager. I’ve bartended at local dive bars and wine bars. NEVER heard or have EVER seen ANYONE put salt on a beverage napkin or coaster. NEVER. EVER. So those guys can bite me.

  7. Jacklyn Davis

    Never heard of the salt thing either and I have, for better or worse, been doing this for about twenty years. I have worked in a diner, a steak house, a bar, corporate places, and a nice white linen & candles wedding venue; never heard of this and would never do it ( like you said who wants the mess? ).

    You are amazing, your comedy routines are awesome, your songs lift my spirits and everyone I work with thinks you are absolutely delightful. Ignore the haters.

  8. Diana

    Hi Bitchy, long time fan first time commenting here as well. I’ve been in the biz a mere 5 years, and hopefully (for me, because I’m really passionate about the other stuff I’m trying to accomplish, not implying being a server is horrible for everyone. Wth it probably does suck for everyone most of the time) not for much longer. I have however worked at a myriad of establishments in NYC, from low key drinks in mason jars place in Brooklyn, to douchey cocktail place in Flatiron, to fine dining in Upper East Side (kill. me.) to bar in Washington Heights where staff drinks whiskey/gets high at work openly on the reg (heaven!). NEVER seen salt on napkin thing.

    Since I’m here I also wanted to say serving eats away at my soul and your blog makes me smile through the tears and gives me strength to carry on and I fing love you!! Carry on being awesome!

  9. SlumSlut

    Be very careful going forward. At first I thought the mop was you and the “one on the left” was Woody Allen. Good thing you said something in the caption.

  10. Allison

    Long time reader, first time commenter. I’d never heard of the salt trick in all my nine years of serving/bartending, and now that I know it, it seems childish and stupid. Stop creating more messes for me to clean up, you cretins! Also, this is the first time I’d seen proof of that stellar coif, my friend. I’m sorry I ever doubted your hair was so glorious. Don’t let the haters stop you from doing you!

  11. Stevie

    Lol I’ve worked as a waiter for over 35 years in every conceivable venue from fine dining to frat bar to greasy spoon and this is the first I’ve heard of this salt thing. Pretentious people are quick to assume that their own limited experience is the gold standard.

  12. Hippie's Chick

    I have worked in the food industry and bar business for about 7 years. I managed a very nice pub for over 3 of those years. I never heard of the salt/napkin thing. Sorry. It is impossible for any one person to know everything. I am sure that this is an industry where you could learn something new every damn day. Also I would never do it. Why would I create more work for me?? Whose the smart one now?

  13. Elizabeth

    Those people are negative morons. You are amazing! I love your blogs and sassy comments. They make my day better when it just sucks ass.

  14. Still in the business

    Behind the bar why in the hell will I just throw salt around because the cocktail napkin sticks to the bottom of the glass? (20+ in the biz BTW) Sorry when I’m behind the bar I know how to entertain and make drinks, good ones. Salt napkin people put your big boy/girl pants on and peel that shit off or leave it. Fuck it get crazy! Foolishness. Keep being you Bitchy waiter I like your style.

  15. Rebecca King

    I think it’s best not to overdo in the service industry ie putting salt on napkins, like the night my sister was serving and one of her customers had something on his mouth so she picked up his napkin and tried to wipe a mole off his lip!!! LMFAO #AWKWARD

  16. Rebecca King

    I have been working in bars and restaurants for forty years and I have never put salt on a customers napkin. I have however seen in done lots of times by the customers themselves. I think it’s best not to overdo in the service industry like the night my sister was serving and one of her customers had something on his mouth so she picked up his napkin and tried to wipe a mole off his lip!!! LMFAO #AWKWARD

  17. Kelly

    I have three words for you, I love you. You make me laugh everyday. I have everyone at work following you. I’ve been in the restaurant business for 20 some years, and just recently saw a customer put salt on their napkin. I was like wtf! Then I read your post and learned something for the day.

  18. Dan O

    I used to do the trick, until one time when I was on the other side of the bar, the bartender salted my napkin. He made a nice little mess around my area and I thought: “Hey man, thanks for making a f*cking mess for me”, and never did it for another guest again.

  19. Jordan

    i have worked in fine dining for 10 years and have served plenty of drinks….and I nor any of my coworkers or customers have ever heard of this. Sounds like corporate nonsense.

  20. Ashley S

    I’ve been serving for sixteen years, but mostly in more upscale establishments, and I’ve never heard of the napkin salt thing either. It does sound like am annoyingly messy waste of salt, and something no one who had to clean up or refill salt shakers would do. We’re probably just too classy to know about it. I’m always really amused by the people who’s comments indicate they don’t understand certain types of humor.

  21. Krista

    I have worked in bars and restaurants for 30 years (fuck, that long???) and i have NEVER heard of this salt on a napkin thing. Would it not be easier to just use a coaster, or, god forbid, just NOT use a napkin?

  22. Marsha

    I am 51 years old and have worked on and off in the industry for 30 years. I have NEVER heard of the salt-on-the-napkin “trick”.

    I guess people who work in FINE DINING or INDEPENDENT restaurants do not dirty tables intentionally, nor do their guests.


    1. BobbyAnn

      Exactly. The fact that BW mentioned it happens more often in places like Chilis and TGIF says it all.

      I have never worked corporate, nor do I eat at those restaurants, but after a decade serving it isn’t a wonder I have never heard of it either.

  23. Mae

    Your posts always brighten my day!!! And I did learn the salt on the napkin trick from my horrible ex boyfriend on our first date 13 years ago, at an Applebee’s in Iowa. So there ya go. You always speak the truth, BW.

  24. Nick

    I tended bar for years and never heard of the salt on the napkin! Now that I’m a regular on the other side of the bar, drinking away after a day of boring office work, whenever my glass sticks to the napkin I grab another napkin or a coaster and voila! Problem Solved! ;-D

  25. Emsizz

    Funny, because right before I read this, I was thinking, “well, this guy is pretty anonymous as it is, so he can say whatever he wants to these people.”

    Sometimes I think I control the universe.


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