Do NOT Change a Diaper at a Restaurant Table

baby-diaper-jpg-838x0_q67_crop-smartHow many times must this be said? It is NOT alright to change a poopy diaper at a restaurant table! Recently, a woman named Stephanie Plahn in Brisbane, Australia decided to spend a couple of hours at a coffee shop, Park Bench Espresso Bar, with her 12-week old bundle of poop and joy. When it came time to change the diaper, she said she was unable to find a public restroom so she did what any other idiot would do: she rolled out a changing mat onto the table and attempted to spread fecal matter all over the damn place, claiming “this was the only solution.”

No. No. No.

Understandably, an employee gave her a “dirty look and made some comment.” I do not know what the comment was exactly, but my guess it was something like this:

“Aww, bitch, what the fuck? People are trying to eat and you got your baby’s private parts and poop all out here in the open. Are you crazy? Why would you think that is okay? How would you feel if I told you that 30 minutes before you were eating your scone and vegemite that someone had used your napkin to wipe their ass? Nasty, right? Poop stays in the bathroom. Get the fuck outta here, mate.”

To which the mother may have replied:

“Well, I was unable to locate a public restroom! And I’m a new mother so I am the most important thing in the whole entire world!”

And then the employee was all:

“Did you even look? And if we don’t have one, then your diaper changing drama is your issue, not mine and certainly not that table of two woman over here who just threw up when your kid’s shit odor wafted in their general direction. And bitch, please. I am not impressed that you had a bay. That ain’t no new news.”

Stephanie, never one to take things too lightly, went right on over to her keyboard and wrote a review of the place for Google:

“To this woman (manager Jocelyn Ridgway) and the 2 other customers who made comments regarding this. Mothers don’t need your judgment or criticism. We have enough pressure and stress we deal with on a daily basis. We rarely get the opportunity to get out and have a coffee amidst the long list of things we are doing for our families every single day. I am sorry (not sorry) you are so terribly offended by a tiny baby’s tiny little dirty nappy and that you think it necessary to criticise.”

You’re right, Stephanie, mothers do not need our judgment and criticism, but you know what? I didn’t need that third margarita last night but I had it anyway. You can refer to your “tiny” baby’s “tiny” diaper full of crap, but what you did was wrong. It’s gross and you need to realize that just because you have a baby does not mean anyone else should have to deal with the consequences. If there was no restroom for you to change the diaper in, you need to come up with another solution. No, I don’t have kids, but if I did I can guarantee you that I would never, ever change a diaper on a restaurant table. It’s rude, gross and unhygienic. When you are at home, you can let your baby take a dump right in the middle of your dining table for all I care, but when you are out in public, you have to make sure that your decision to have a baby does not inconvenience (or gross the fuck out) other people.

Sorry, not sorry.


  1. seeme
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  6. freewhitebaby
      • Estelle
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