Do NOT Change a Diaper at a Restaurant Table

baby-diaper-jpg-838x0_q67_crop-smartHow many times must this be said? It is NOT alright to change a poopy diaper at a restaurant table! Recently, a woman named Stephanie Plahn in Brisbane, Australia decided to spend a couple of hours at a coffee shop, Park Bench Espresso Bar, with her 12-week old bundle of poop and joy. When it came time to change the diaper, she said she was unable to find a public restroom so she did what any other idiot would do: she rolled out a changing mat onto the table and attempted to spread fecal matter all over the damn place, claiming “this was the only solution.”

No. No. No.

Understandably, an employee gave her a “dirty look and made some comment.” I do not know what the comment was exactly, but my guess it was something like this:

“Aww, bitch, what the fuck? People are trying to eat and you got your baby’s private parts and poop all out here in the open. Are you crazy? Why would you think that is okay? How would you feel if I told you that 30 minutes before you were eating your scone and vegemite that someone had used your napkin to wipe their ass? Nasty, right? Poop stays in the bathroom. Get the fuck outta here, mate.”

To which the mother may have replied:

“Well, I was unable to locate a public restroom! And I’m a new mother so I am the most important thing in the whole entire world!”

And then the employee was all:

“Did you even look? And if we don’t have one, then your diaper changing drama is your issue, not mine and certainly not that table of two woman over here who just threw up when your kid’s shit odor wafted in their general direction. And bitch, please. I am not impressed that you had a bay. That ain’t no new news.”

Stephanie, never one to take things too lightly, went right on over to her keyboard and wrote a review of the place for Google:

“To this woman (manager Jocelyn Ridgway) and the 2 other customers who made comments regarding this. Mothers don’t need your judgment or criticism. We have enough pressure and stress we deal with on a daily basis. We rarely get the opportunity to get out and have a coffee amidst the long list of things we are doing for our families every single day. I am sorry (not sorry) you are so terribly offended by a tiny baby’s tiny little dirty nappy and that you think it necessary to criticise.”

You’re right, Stephanie, mothers do not need our judgment and criticism, but you know what? I didn’t need that third margarita last night but I had it anyway. You can refer to your “tiny” baby’s “tiny” diaper full of crap, but what you did was wrong. It’s gross and you need to realize that just because you have a baby does not mean anyone else should have to deal with the consequences. If there was no restroom for you to change the diaper in, you need to come up with another solution. No, I don’t have kids, but if I did I can guarantee you that I would never, ever change a diaper on a restaurant table. It’s rude, gross and unhygienic. When you are at home, you can let your baby take a dump right in the middle of your dining table for all I care, but when you are out in public, you have to make sure that your decision to have a baby does not inconvenience (or gross the fuck out) other people.

Sorry, not sorry.

11 thoughts on “Do NOT Change a Diaper at a Restaurant Table

  1. seeme

    When I go into a restaurant that claims it is a family restaurant and, at some point during my stay, I find out that my baby needs a diaper change and I go into their “family bathroom” and there is no diaper changing station. No counter at all. You tell me where it is that I’m going to change my baby’s diaper… the floor of this fine establishments bathroom… or a clean vacant table as far away from others that I can be?
    The choice is easy.
    Oh yeah, the management will year about it. It’s possible quite a few other guests will hear about it.
    And I won’t be back to this “family” establishment.

    That said, your article is a rant. You don’t seem to be looking for honest discussion or solutions. You already seem to have all the truth you need. So this post will likely be preyed upon by others sharing your same viewpoint.
    There are a lot of reasons to not change a diaper at a restaurant table or subject others to such a thing.
    There are a few reasons why doing it makes sense.

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  3. JD

    I once was at a restaurant when a woman at the next table changed her baby’s diaper on the table, but she didn’t bother with a changing pad. Right. On. The. Table.

  4. Mellie

    I have three kids and when they were small went out to eat probably 5-6 times a week, not always fast food crap either, often times sit down restaurants… (my husband and I work full time and yes, I’m a lazy ass about cooking during the week), I can tell you this, there was never any diaper changing at any table EVER and I had kids in diapers forever. That is ridiculous and disgusting. You can always solve that situation some other way. Go to the car, go to the bathroom, go to a coat closet, just get the fuck away from other people who are trying to eat. And to respond to the above comment about the crayon “unwrapper”…we always brought our own crayons/paper/crackers/little games too. Some of these people act like this is the hardest fucking job in the world, it’s common sense and organization and sometimes you might have to actually get off our ass and take care of your kids. Jesus, some people just make my head hurt.

  5. Loretta

    I somehow managed to raise a child through her diaper-wearring years without ever ONCE changing her anywhere other than a restroom or other designated baby-changing area. I was never ONCE out of those little scentes bags to put said dirty “tiny baby nappy” into so the diaper wouldn’t totally stink up the place. And I have never ONCE found myself so distraught or distracted that my kid was allowed / able to run around a public area like a wild animal or scream continually, thus ruining someone else’s day. Guess I must have just stumbled into the luckiest and most stress-free set of parenting circumstances in the world. Either that, or I dealt with as much stress and sleep deprivation as every other mom, I just decided that being a parent did not give me the automatic right to be an a-hole.

  6. freewhitebaby

    It doesn’t matter to me how big or tiny it is, I don’t want a turd of any kind near me while I eat (and yes, that includes self-entitled “mothers” who feel it’s their duty to share their little crotch muffins’ bodily functions with everybody).

    1. Anonymous

      Some people do not have any couth. I work in a breakfast lunch family resturaunt in Tampa, Fla. We are a family resturaunt and offer crayons and coloring books for children to use while in the resturaunt. Well there is a couple who come in with there 3 year old and instantly starts peeling the paper off every crayon we have. So I say to the dad he can use the crayons if he doesn’t peel the paper off. We have other children that also like to color and would actually like to read on the crayon what color it is. The idiot dad says to me( he lives to peel the paper off crayons.) WTF. How about this you idiot you raplace all the crayons the little brat has destroyed and pick up all the crayon wrappers our staff has had to clean up. Give me a break some people need to keep their kids at home until the parents learn some etiquette.

      1. freewhitebaby

        OMG. Psych nurse here (not a waiter, sorry if I misled). Something is wrong with that guy along the lines of OCD, I’d guess. Or he’s just a giant dick. Hard to tell. But I’d save all the naked and broken crayons from that family and take them back to their table every time they show up. In the psych world, we call it “fuck that shit.”


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