Everyone is jib-jabbering about the California waiter who Tweeted about getting stiffed by the actress Jane Adams. If you have been living under a fucking rock, here is the link to the full E! True Hollywood Story. I guess he tweeted that she walked on the check, his boss found out and then they tweeted his ass to the curb. Fired. Supposedly, she forgot her purse in her car and went out to get it and then just didn’t come back in to pay. We’ve all heard that one before. That’s right up there with “the check is in the mail” and “trust me, I’ll pull out.” One of her people came back the next day and paid the tab, but left no tip. So he tweeted about that too. Long story short, he is unemployed for talking about his own personal life. Pity. So many people have sent me this news piece as a sort of warning I suppose. Thank you, people. What can we learn from this sad story?
First off, we can assume that Jane Adams may or may not be a thieving celebrity who may have had no intention of ever paying her check in the first place. She may or may not have done this before as well as shoplifted, kidnapped, burgled, counterfeited and committed grand theft auto and arson. I don’t know any of these things for sure, I’m just saying that she could have.
We also learn that maybe it is not the best thing to Tweet, blog, Facebook, text or whatever about the specifics of your job. That would just be career suicide. Follow my lead. I never never ever talk specifically about the place that I work or have worked with the exception of Bennigan’s, Houlihan’s, Pizzeria Uno, VYNL, Black Eyed Pea and every other place I have ever worked. Stay vague. And do not talk shit about your boss, unless his name is John and he owns VYNL in New York City, because he can suck it. Honestly, I don’t give too much of a shit because everything I said about him and his crappy restaurant is true so what can he do? Sue me for truthfulness?
Finally, we learn that if you wait on a famous person, treat them like every other nobody in your station. Famous people are whores who want more and more attention and if you fawn over them or give them special attention, their heads swell to abnormal proportions. When Miss Famous Actor said she forgot her purse, the waiter should have told her the same thing I say to some loser bag who tells me that tired excuse. “Well, you better call someone to bring you some money or get your ass in the kitchen and introduce yourself to the stack of dirty dishes, because you owe me some cash, bitch.” The only famous person I have written about serving is that old man who played Palmer Courtland on All My Children and I didn’t say anything bad about him. (He was with a really hot younger guy who I can only assume was his gay homosexual lover. Can we say Sugar Daddy?) I also wrote another story about Doris Roberts from Everybody Loves Raymond, but that story was told to me by someone else so the fact that she was a bitch is just secondhand information and might not be true at all. Although it probably is. I’m just sayin’.
The Bitchy Waiter wishes good luck on the poor server who was fired for speaking the truth about his famous customer who tried to steal. Hopefully, one door closing will mean another door is opening and he will soon be living life to the fullest again and taking food orders and carrying drinks to people who are much more successful than he is. Godspeed, waiter. Fare thee well. And Jane Adams, you might be habitual criminal. Just sayin’.