Pro Tips From an Ex Red Lobster Server on How to Survive Endless Shrimp

Thank you to Jake Columbo, former Red Lobster sever for this most important of blog posts.

Take as many orders for shrimp refills as they will let you when you take their initial order. Overload them with shrimp. Fill their table with shrimp. Bury them alive at their table in popcorn shrimp so that they must eat their way to freedom. Dump buckets of the buttery shrimp scampi over their heads so they can’t stand up on the slippery scampi buttered floor, but must crawl to the door, sliding their fat little shrimp filled bodies across the tile floor to the exit so they can finally leave this shrimpy nightmare that red lobster had lured them into. Make it so that just the thought of the meaty little sea buggers makes them panic. Make them never be able to see a shrimp again without screaming and having flashbacks of their red lobster endless shrimp nightmare.

That, my friends, is how you deal with Red Lobster Endless Shrimp.

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