Applebee’s Mourns the Loss of Maureen

Applebee’s employees around the globe are in mourning after learning the news that Maureen has boycotted the restaurant. Even though Maureen loved eating there and has spent a lot of money at the esteemed eatery, she has decided to throw all of that history out the window because her usual “2 for $20” is now “2 for $25.” Maureen feels that the “2 for $20” stuff is more appropriate to enjoy at Wendy’s so rather than pay an additional five dollars to have what she actually wants, she has decided to never go to Applebee’s again. Understandably, many employees are in shock.

“I just couldn’t believe it when I heard,” says Cindy McCormick, a 15 year-server at the Clarksville, Indiana location. “I mean, customers come and go, but I thought Maureen was in it for good, you know? I don’t even know if I can keep working for Applebee’s if she’s not a customer anymore. It just hurts.”

McCormick is not alone in her dismay. Greg Plumb, a newly hired busser at the Cleburne, Texas location is equally shook up. “What? Maureen boycotted Applebee’s? Man, I was just hired like three days ago and she’s the only reason I wanted to work here. I was hoping that one day I’d be able to bus the table of Maureen.” Shortly after Plumb was interviewed for this story, he put in his notice, started using meth and fell into a deep depression.

Greg Flynn, the founder and CEO of the Flynn Restaurant Group and owner of over 1,200 Applebee’s released a statement about Maureen’s decision:

I find it difficult to put into words how devastating it is for us that Maureen will no longer be a valued and faithful customer of ours. I wish I could somehow convince her to come back and give us one more chance at a “2 for $20,” but she seems resolute with her decision and I respect that. Since prices do vary by location, there is always the possibility of Maureen relocating to a new city and getting her “usual” at the price she is accustomed to paying. We wish her all the luck in the world and hope she finds happiness at Wendy’s. Or maybe I’ll just send her a gift card for a free order of spinach artichoke dip since that’s probably all she fucking wants anyway.

With the departure of Maureen, the future of the Applebee’s chain is uncertain. The loss of her bi-monthly trip to Applebee’s where she spent $20 is definitely going to factor into the profit margins.

Says Flynn, “We may need to reconsider the price of our dollar vodka raspberry lemonades for the month of June. Without Maureen, these drinks may end up costing $1.25 or even $1.50. We’ll just have to see how it goes.”

There is no word on how Maureen feels about the hamburgers and chicken tender salads at Wendy’s, but it’s only a matter of time before she goes to their Facebook page and expresses her opinion. When she does, this blog will be here to report about it.

I wait tables and bitch about it on my blog, The Bitchy Waiter.

10 thoughts on “Applebee’s Mourns the Loss of Maureen

  1. Is this the b*tch that inspired your song on Staffvibe (which was amazing btw) ? Either way, you should link this post there…this is a perfect opportunity for some shameless self-promotion!!! Lol

  2. Oh… you’ll be back. They ALWAYS come back, no matter the price. Sure we start off feeding girls like you at a paltry $20 just get you hooked. In a month or two, you’re gonna come back Maureen. You will. But you’ll be different. You’ll be sweaty and shaky and sleep-deprived. You’ll realise WENDY’s just isn’t doing it for you. You’ll pay ANY price for our DOUBLE CRUNCH BONE-IN WINGS. You’ll perform unspeakable acts just to get your fix of GRILLED CHICKEN WONTON TACOS. You’ll sell your soul to lay your hands on those DOUBLE-GLAZED BABY BACK RIBS.
    WE OWN YOU, Bitch. You’re hooked. And not even AA (Applebees Anonymous) can help. You know I’m right baby….

  3. Why can’t ANYONE who posts these whiny self-absorbed screeds about their disappointment with the world learn to f*cking SPELL and PUNCTUATE? Here, Maureen … (look, I’m using using your favorite ellipses; plural of ellipsis!)
    i=I (well, unless you feel you are too unimportant to be capitalized but I KNOW that isn’t the case
    spent lot of money=spent LOTS of money
    memu=menu
    id=I’D (see note above)

    Now go away and have a nice meal at Wendy’s, OK?

  4. I dont know, if I can continue to climb the chain after losing such a devastating part of our company. Every day when I start the day. I always take a moment to pray that today was the day I would be able to cook a savory mouth watering meal for Maureen. Now my dreams have been crushed, and working in the kitchen will never be the same again.

  5. I have no counseling background, but I just want all of Applebees employees to know if you need someone to talk to about this life altering news I’m here for you.

  6. Welp, I lost the office betting pool! Of all the things we brainstormed in the “What can we do to piss off Maureen?” super-secret 3-day retreat I thought for sure switching out the color of the napkins or making plastic straws request-only would be the straw that broke the camel’s back.

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