Applebee’s Mourns the Loss of Maureen

Applebee’s employees around the globe are in mourning after learning the news that Maureen has boycotted the restaurant. Even though Maureen loved eating there and has spent a lot of money at the esteemed eatery, she has decided to throw all of that history out the window because her usual “2 for $20” is now “2 for $25.” Maureen feels that the “2 for $20” stuff is more appropriate to enjoy at Wendy’s so rather than pay an additional five dollars to have what she actually wants, she has decided to never go to Applebee’s again. Understandably, many employees are in shock.

“I just couldn’t believe it when I heard,” says Cindy McCormick, a 15 year-server at the Clarksville, Indiana location. “I mean, customers come and go, but I thought Maureen was in it for good, you know? I don’t even know if I can keep working for Applebee’s if she’s not a customer anymore. It just hurts.”

McCormick is not alone in her dismay. Greg Plumb, a newly hired busser at the Cleburne, Texas location is equally shook up. “What? Maureen boycotted Applebee’s? Man, I was just hired like three days ago and she’s the only reason I wanted to work here. I was hoping that one day I’d be able to bus the table of Maureen.” Shortly after Plumb was interviewed for this story, he put in his notice, started using meth and fell into a deep depression.

Greg Flynn, the founder and CEO of the Flynn Restaurant Group and owner of over 1,200 Applebee’s released a statement about Maureen’s decision:

I find it difficult to put into words how devastating it is for us that Maureen will no longer be a valued and faithful customer of ours. I wish I could somehow convince her to come back and give us one more chance at a “2 for $20,” but she seems resolute with her decision and I respect that. Since prices do vary by location, there is always the possibility of Maureen relocating to a new city and getting her “usual” at the price she is accustomed to paying. We wish her all the luck in the world and hope she finds happiness at Wendy’s. Or maybe I’ll just send her a gift card for a free order of spinach artichoke dip since that’s probably all she fucking wants anyway.

With the departure of Maureen, the future of the Applebee’s chain is uncertain. The loss of her bi-monthly trip to Applebee’s where she spent $20 is definitely going to factor into the profit margins.

Says Flynn, “We may need to reconsider the price of our dollar vodka raspberry lemonades for the month of June. Without Maureen, these drinks may end up costing $1.25 or even $1.50. We’ll just have to see how it goes.”

There is no word on how Maureen feels about the hamburgers and chicken tender salads at Wendy’s, but it’s only a matter of time before she goes to their Facebook page and expresses her opinion. When she does, this blog will be here to report about it.


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