Author: The Bitchy Waiter

I wait tables and bitch about it on my blog, The Bitchy Waiter.

What Evil Lurks Among Us?

There are many dangers lurking in a restaurant. Something as simple as a melted ice cube on a tile floor can be almost deadly if it makes contact with the …

The Laziest Girl in Town

Have you ever heard of that song called “The Laziest Girl in Town?” It’s a classic that has been sung by everyone from Nina Simone to Marlene Dietrich to Dolly …

The Clean and Melodramatic Lemon

It has been said in the past that some of the fruit in restaurants may not be as clean as it should be. Or clean at all. Particularly lemons which …

Incomplete Parties Piss Me Off

You know what I hate? I mean other than babies, Holly Hobbie and bathroom attendants. I hate incomplete parties who sit in my station and act annoyed that I am …

I Drank Five Mojitos

I went out to dinner the other day and found myself in a Cuban restaurant. I don’t know much about that country other than they make cigars, Fidel Castro lives …

Shove a Pancake in My Mouth

Get out the Aunt Jemima and powdered sugar, because today is National Fucking Pancake Day, bitches. You know I am all about National Pancake Day since my whole life revolves …

Waiter in Training

Training for a new restaurant job sucks ass. It just does. Especially when you have been a hash-slinging waitress for as long as I have. I feel like I have …

One Stinky Lady at Table 3

In keeping with my pledge to refer to certain customers as characters from 1970’s and 1980’s television shows, I would like to discuss one “Mary Ann” who comes in on …

Who Really Gives A Crap?

Sometimes it’s not easy to think of something to write about and then lo and behold, I look in my inbox and someone has sent me a story that cries …