How To F*ck With a Phisher

As anyone who reads this blog knows, I can be a little bit of a bitch. Even if you’ve never read this blog, the title alone should be a good indicator of what to expect. Last week, a friend of mine mentioned on Twitter that she had been hacked and to possibly expect an email that would appear to be from her, but wouldn’t be. Someone was using her name and asking for a favor. Sure enough, that afternoon, my inbox pinged with an email from Kat showing an innocuous “hello” in the subject line. It had arrived and I had a plan. I wanted to see how long I could tag this scammer along and how ridiculous I could get before they finally gave up on me. And so it began:

December 12, 2019, 2:04 PM

How are you doing and how is everything going with you and the family?

December 12, 2019 2:13 PM

Hi Kat!

Thank you for asking! Actually it’s been a long road for my dad, as you know. Ever since his amputation, he finds it really difficult to see life from a positive perspective. I guess I can understand. I mean, as if it wasn’t difficult enough for him to lose his sight now he hast to lose his leg too? My mom is great, however. She was acquitted of all charges so that’s good news! I couldn’t bear the thought of spending another holiday with her behind bars. 

What about you?? Did your brother ever find that missing hubcap? I swear to God, that was the funniest thing I have ever seen. Has he been allowed to Disney World since? 

Thanks for reaching out. You always know how to brighten my day. I hope you are well. Happy holidays.

Love, 

Betty White

December 12 , 2019 2:26 PM

Hi, Betty 

Thanks for getting back to me and am very happy to hear from you, I’m spending the Holiday season with him next week Thursday night. I need a quick favour from you i don’t know if you are busy or not to get what I need at the store because I can’t get it here and it very urgent.

December 12, 2019 4;10 PM

What do you need? Just let me know. Please don’t ask me to mail another bottle of tequila. We KNOW how that went last time. (My suitcase still smells like lime juice and baby powder!)

Betty

December 12, 2019, 7:14 PM

Yes, please!  I need to get an Amazon gift card or Google play card , i tried purchasing online but unfortunately no luck with that.Can you get it from any store around you? I’ll pay back as soon as i am back. Kindly let me know if you can handle this so i can tell you how to send the card. Await your soonest response.

Thanks,

Kat 

December 12, 2019 9:21 PM

Sure, is everything OK? How can I get the card to you. Aren’t you with your brother? Is Chad OK?

I have a couple American Express gift cards here at home that I have had for a while. With those be helpful? I have had them for about six months. I won them at work for perfect attendance and for most improved. I was so proud!

BW

December 12, 2019, 9:24 PM

Yes, everything is fine. Thank you very much. Total amount needed is $2,500, $100 denominations. You can get it from any store around you and I need you to scratch the back of the card to reveal the pin, then take a screenshot of the back showing the pin and have them sent to me including the purchase receipt.

Thanks,

December 12, 2019, 9:31 PM

Are you getting the card now

December 13, 2019, 12:06 AM

Hey, wait a minute… This is starting to sound fishy. Kat? Is this really you? Prove to me that it’s you and tell me where your birthmark is. I know you know I know where it is. Ha ha ha! 

I think my AmEx gift cards are for a total of $150. I can mail them to you tomorrow if you want. I also have a $5 reward at 16 Handles if you are craving some frozen yogurt. LMK. 

Truly yours,

BETTY WHITE

December 13, 2009, 12:38 AM

Hi, Betty

I’m really not happy with what you just ask me when you know where my birthmark is and yes it me Kat can you try and get me the Amazon gift card or Google play card that is what I need  i need you to scratch the back of the card to reveal the pin, then take a screenshot of the back showing the pin and have them sent to me including the purchase receipt.

December 13, 2019, 7:54 AM

I’m sorry, Kat. I didn’t mean to upset you. Did you forget that was our little inside joke from summer camp back in 1982? You silly goose, you don’t even have a birthmark! Can’t I just send you the AmEx gift cards? I can overnight them. I guess I could go to 7-11 to buy an Amazon acrd, but I definitely cannot afford $2500. I’d have to rob a bank and I for sure don’t want to go though that again unless you were with me. Would $250 in Amazon cards be okay coupled with the AmEx cards? That would be a total of $400. (I just need you to pinky swear that you will pay me back.) I can go get them today if I can manage to get away from my kid. Butch Patrick is just learning how to walk so I have to keep my eye on him at all times. I miss the days when all he could do was lay on his back and I could go do whatever I wanted for hours at a time. 

Just let me know if the $250 will be enough. Oh, and do you want the $5 credit at 16 Handles? If not, it’s fine. They might not even have frozen yogurt where you are. Besides, I do have a craving for some Cookies and Cream! Yumm-o!

xo,

Betty

December 13, 2019, 9:22 AM

Betty can you try and get the Amazon gift card for me at the store the Amazon gift card should be $1000 plus the Amerix Gift card. Get the Amazon gift card it should be $100 each i need you to scratch the back of the card to reveal the pin, then take a screenshot of the back showing the pin and have them sent to me including the purchase receipt.

December 13, 2019, 9:27 AM

I can’t afford that, Kat. Is $300 enough? And maybe a back rub the next time I see you? (wink wink)

December 13, 2019, 9:29 AM

Am going to pay you back that why the $300 won’t be enough okay. Can you get the card now. It should be $100 each okay 

December 13, 2019, 9:34 AM

Betty did you got my message

December 13, 2019, 9:37 AM

Yes. I need to borrow my uncle’s truck as soon as he gets back from the methadone clinic. And hopefully he can watch Little Butch Patrick while I go get the cards. The last time I took him to 7-11, he somehow managed to climb into the Slurpee machine. That darn kid!

But I can’t do more than $500 tops. Is that okay?

I love you, Kat. Are you safe?

December 13, 2019, 9:40 AM

Yeah, that’s fine. It should be $100 and when is he coming add me up through my email so that will can chat on Google hangout okay 

December 13, 9:50 AM

Okay, great. He should be home in about two hours. And then I have to finish doing the  laundry. Oh, and I just started watching Fleabag and can hardly tear myself away from the TV. Have you seen it?? It reminds me so much of you, you dirty girl. Hot Priest looks like Mr. Moreau from high school and we both know how we felt about him. Didn’t he give you crabs or am I getting that mixed up with someone else?

Are you okay, Kat? I’m worried.

xoxo,

Betty 

December 13, 2019, 9:59 AM

Yes I’m okay just little worry try and get the card for me Asap okay

December 13, 2019, 10:17 AM

Random gift card someone I work with had that I took a picture of.

December 13, 2019, 10:25 AM

Betty what card is this one have you got the Amazon gift card 

December 13, 2019, December 13, 2019, 11:13 AM

Betty have you got the card.

December 13, 2019, 11:55 AM

Betty did you got my message

December 13, 2019, 12:59 PM

Hello Betty

December 13, 2019, 1:19 PM

Yes, I got the cards.  I got five cards each for $100. You are not going to believe what happened, though! While I was in the 7-Eleven, Justin Timberlake came in! Of course I was so excited because you know how much I love him, right? So I was having my picture taken with him and getting his autograph and in the excitement I walked out of the store without the cards! Oh my God, I’m such an idiot. Now I have to wait until my uncle gets back from his community service so I can drive back up there and get them. Hopefully, they are still there! I’ll let you know. Keep your fingers crossed.

Betty

December 13, 2019, 1:21 PM

Are You joking with me or not

December 13, 2019, 1:26 PM

No!!! Look!

Random photo from the Internet

I suppose the Justin Timberlake photo proved to be too much because I never heard from my dear friend “Kat” again. But I did manage to string along this asshole for almost 24 hours.

Am I bitchy waiter? Yes. Yes, I am, but I don’t keep my bitchiness at the restaurant, I like to spread it around the Internet.

3 thoughts on “How To F*ck With a Phisher

  1. Bolivar Shagnasty

    That’s great More people need to do this I answer the phone as the county morgue and sometimes I’ll try to order pizza from whoever I’ve had people on the phone for several minutes

    Reply

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