An Open Letter to a Cheap Woman Named Heather

Dear Heather,

I have to hand it to you, because this is a new reason for someone to leave a bad tip: over efficiency. Really? So let me get this straight: not only was your server efficient, she was too efficient? Like, when you wanted another fucking lemon slice for your water, she was there with it before you even had to ask for it and that upset you? And when you asked for a pumpkin spiced macchiato with half decaf and half regular with mostly skim milk but just a drop or two of cream, your server made it exactly to your specifications and that was wrong? What the hell is your problem? That’s not rude, that’s a job well done.

Look, Heather, a good server who is doing a good job is going to be efficient and for you to leave a 5% tip for someone who is doing their job pretty much exactly the way they’re supposed to says a lot more about you than it does about the server. It says you’re cheap. I bet if the server didn’t do a good job, you would have left a note on the top of the credit card receipt that said “service was inefficient” and you would have left the same exact five percent fucking tip.

The next time your server is “over efficient” and you don’t like it, why not just tell them what you don’t like about their service? Oh, wait, I know why. It’s because then you wouldn’t have an excuse to leave a shitty tip. Well, I’m sure you would, but you’d have to find another reason to justify it. Something like the music being too loud, or the sun was shining too brightly or you wanted your burger cooked somewhere between medium well and well done, but not so done that it was dry but no pink at all and then it came out and it wasn’t how you had imagined it.

If you don’t like “rude” servers who are trying to fill your water and clear your plates, maybe you should eat someplace else, like, maybe your own home. There, you can eat your meal just the way you fucking want it, without a bothersome server who is just trying to do their fucking job.

You suck, Heather. And if you want to know what the true definition of rude is, it’s leaving a cowardice note on the top of a credit card receipt that tries to justify a $2 tip on a $44 bill.

Mustard and mayo,

The Bitchy Waiter

p.s. Heather, if you would have left 20% then maybe the server could have gotten her nails done.

5 thoughts on “An Open Letter to a Cheap Woman Named Heather

  1. Sharmack

    Dear Heather: I hope when you are at work and are told by your employer “we are cutting your hourly rate because you are too efficient “ you will totally understand. After all, with that attitude I’m sure you ask if someone wants fries with that order and you should be punished.

  2. Blondeviant

    I had a complaint issued against me last night for cleaning the bar while I still had guests… I should have waited until close. Guess what, Karen? I closed 20 minutes ago and yet here you are, swilling your cheap wine and upset I wont stay open to cater to you and the 3 drunk aussies that just arrived that are just tipsy enough that you think there may be a chance to knock those cobwebs loose. Nope… Byeee.

  3. Rhonda Matt

    Wow, Heather….so much going on the world and your worries about “over efficiency ” what a great life you must have?


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *