Found: the Most Offensive Business Cards Ever


I do not know who created this business card, but I want them to immediately go fuck themselves with a pair of stainless steel tongs that have been sitting in the bread warmer for too long. Sure, maybe it’s only a joke, but there are plenty of people who will buy these cards and then go out of their way to use them.

“Hey, the waitress forgot to bring the fifth lemon for my water. This is the day I can use one of those business cards!” or “I asked for my burger extra-extra well done, but the waiter brought it all burned. Good thing I have these fancy business cards to use!”

No, that’s fucked up. What kind of person goes out of their way to order pre-printed business cards in order to present them to a server when the service falls below expectations? An asshole, that’s who.

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I propose that we print our own business cards to give out to customers who treat us poorly and turn the tables on these bitches. Want some? Click here to order!

asshole business cards

I wait tables and bitch about it on my blog, The Bitchy Waiter.

6 thoughts on “Found: the Most Offensive Business Cards Ever

  1. When I was a delivery driver I had all sorts of customers who rarely if ever tipped to begin with. People would call WAY out of our supposed “Delivery area” (as in miles out of the area) or call at 9.59 with huge orders for things like broasted chocken (We stopped delivering at 10pm, again: supposedly, and steaks and broasted chicken would take a minimum of 25 minutes to cook, much less deliver asap). The first thing I learned was: the further away the customer lived from the restaurant, the worse they would tip. Factor in other complications (entry codes, correct customer phone numbers and apartment numbers, absolutely no parking allowed anywhere near the place, rain etc) and that tip would shrink proportionately. Now ad in managers who would want food delivered to0 them and expect you to give their orders top priority no matter where they lived and you were lucky to walk out after a 5 hour shift with $20 in your pocket not including gas money.

    I cannot think offhand of how many people I delivered to that were major pains in the ass that would not for one second hesitate to had out these cards no matter how good the service and think they were the height of hilarity.

    One thing I learned working as a delivery driver for 5 years is that MOST people truly suck when it comes to expectations, complaining because a salt packet is missing (five were not enough for you 2 piece chicken and fries and expect it asap in the rain and out of area delivery or they will never order from us again at 9.59pm and well “THEY NEVER!!!!!!”. I would have managers check every order I took to be double certain everything was there and these assholes would still complain.

    The main things I learned is that I NEVER ever again want to work any job that deals with customer service and the general public ever again. When I left it took me over an hour to count 10 customers I would truly miss (And at least 1 of those 10 was an elderly woman in an old age home who ordered every sunday the second I would start my shift who I knew could not afford tips (for her the broasted chicked dinner was the one treat each week she allowed herself from her government money) who I would never even accept a tip from because she always tried to give me a $20 tip and I knew that there was no way in hell she could afford that. But she was by far the kindest, sweetest customer I delivered to who would always have these great short stories about how things were at the beginning of the 1900s and she would always have a tea made for me when I arrived and have me sit down for 10 minutes just so she would have somebody to talk to (all of her friends had died – she was close to 100 years old. And what was left of her family, children etc never came to visit her. I could never in good conscience accept a tip from her. She is the main customer I genuinely missed. Another were a couple who ,moved to Oregon. Great tippers and super nice people. But as a general rule: if most of my customers had died in an earthquake I would have danced on their graves.

  2. Sure it is – the entire article refers to a company creating these, selling them, and people buying them. Yeahhhhhh – Totally not a thing and ergo not something to bitch about. Like OMGOMGOMGOMG someone printed something that hurt my fweeeewings!. You know you’re hurting for blog material when you make a ‘story’ about this *rolls eyes*

  3. “…there are plenty of people who will buy these cards and then go out of their way to use them.”

    Literally, anyone can print these out on their computer. Welcome to 1998

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