The ABC’s of Patio Diners; Part One (guest post)

Today’s post comes from Gina Bisceglia and you can visit her blog here and follow her on Twitter at @dharmamotorpool. I assume Part two will eventually show up on her own website, so stay tuned. -BW


The Type A’s.
“High-maintenance” doesn’t begin to describe these guests.

Drink order: iced tea with lemon -SWEETENER ON THE SIDE!
Signature moves: rearranging the table layout to best suit their compulsive tendencies, asking what’s in every single dish, and adding 5+ modifiers to every order. If it’s sunny out, they’ll want to sit at a table with half shade, half sun. If it’s even slightly chilly or windy, they WILL move inside within ten minutes (probably without letting you know where they went).
Annoyance factor: 4.5 / 5

Boat Folk.
These guests are fresh off the boat, and they’ll make sure you know it.

Drink order: water & cheap beer.
Signature moves: arguing that it’s acceptable to not wear shoes and/or shirts on the patio,insisting they need their food rushed because they’ve got to get back out on the water before dark. 99% likely to bring along several children in dripping wet swimsuits.
Annoyance factor: 3 / 5

True, these guests are cheap whether they’re indoors or outdoors, but patio season really seems to bring out the best in them.

Drink order: water, or “are there free refills on soda?”
Signature moves: seating themselves (often at dirty tables), asking you for 4+ refills on their beverages, asking the price of every dish, tipping 10% or less.
Annoyance factor: 4 / 5

Dog (and cat and bird) People
Health code violation? What do you MEAN? We’re outside!

Drink order: nothing; we don’t allow them to order things if they have their pet on the premises.
Signature moves: insisting they know all the health codes & it’s perfectly fine to have pets in a restaurant, asking to speak to a manager, ordering food to go.
Annoyance factor: 3.5 / 5

Elephants Never Forget
They visited once five years ago & think everything is still exactly the same.

Drink order: that one beer you had on tap a few years ago that you haven’t carried since then.
Signature moves: insisting they should be able to order an item because “it was on the menu last time”, asking you for recommendations and not taking them.
Annoyance factor: 3 / 5

These guests aren’t forgetful so much as just plain ignorant and/or oblivious, but we’ll go with forgetful. Sure.

Drink order: vodka red bull.
Signature moves: smoking at the table despite the “no smoking on the patio” sign, seating themselves, pulling up extra tables and chairs without asking, “forgetting” to tip.
Annoyance factor: 4.5 / 5

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
aka bachelorette parties.

Drink order: cosmopolitans & every blended drink on the menu.
Signature moves: splitting the check 17 different ways, phallic-shaped everything, high-pitched squealing every few minutes, taking off their shoes so they can dance on the non-existent dance floor.
Annoyance factor: 6 / 5

Today’s post comes from Gina Bisceglia and you can visit her blog here and follow her on Twitter at @dharmamotorpool.


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