Please, can we all hold hands and send out some positive thoughts to all those servers who will be working their asses off at IHOP on Tuesday July 7th? That is the day that participating IHOPs will be offering their guests a short stack of buttermilk pancakes for the price of 57 cents. Yes, some corporate head of bullshit came up with that idea in order to celebrate the 57th anniversary of IHOP. As he (you know it was a “he.”) was sitting in his glass tower surrounded by Rooty Tooty Fresh ‘n Fruity posters and sipping his bottomless cup of crappy coffee, he sharted out the idea when he sneezed too hard. (Technically, a “snart.”) As he was cleaning his underwear, he noticed his poo had formed into the shape of a “57” and a lightbulb went off over his head. (Dr. Oz wants our poo to be in the shape of an “S” but at IHOP, they settle for the shape of a dollar sign.) Mr. Corporate quickly sent out an email that filtered down to every server who now looks at July 7th as the day they will literally work until their asses fall off and they are flatter than an order of Harvest Grain ‘n Nut Pancakes. And you know what kind of customers will be in their restaurant that day? Too many cheap ass people who don’t want to leave a decent tip.
Look, we all know you’re supposed to tip 20% of the bill, but when there is some promotion that makes the bill practically non-existent, you can’t go with 20% anymore. The rules change. Imagine that some cheap asshole and his five cheap friends all order the 57 cent short stack and five glasses of water. They take up a prime booth and they stay there for 45 minutes. They run their waitress ragged and ask for refills and extra butter and extra syrup and extra napkins and then they even ask her to take a photo of them. After taxes, the bill will be about $3.09. 20% of that would be a 60 cent tip which is beyond crappy, but we all know it will happen because it’s IHOP. When people see they can get a cheap meal somewhere, they will crawl out of the woodwork like roaches crawling out of bag of beans that has been in dry storage for too long. And who pays for it? The servers that’s who.
Hurrah for IHOP for coming up with such a great promotional tactic, but please let us know that the folks on the front lines are going to be making some money that day. If you are one of the thousands of people who can’t resist a breakfast that will cost less than a roll of toilet paper at the dollar store, please remember to leave your server a decent tip. Factor in what the meal would have been had it not been National Cheap People Day. Look at your server and see how hard she is working and let that reflect in the tip you leave. Working at IHOP can never be easy, but on a day like July 7th, it has to be even more challenging. If your meal is only $1, can’t you just throw some extra money down for the tip? After all, it wasn’t the server’s idea to hand out almost free food all day. They have bills to pay and they don’t want to do a day of charity work.
Tip your server. Eat your cheap pancakes, enjoy your free water but take care of your server. It’s the right thing to do. If you’re one of the people who thinks it’s okay to only leave 20% even when the bill is less than a dollar, I want you to order a Stuffed French Toast and stuff it up your ass.
Here is IHOP’s Facebook page in case you want to add this blog post to their page.