We Open at 11:00. Leave Us Alone Until Then.

Dear Customer Who Wants to Come Into the Restaurant Before We Are Open,

Don’t. Our hours are clearly marked in a variety of places. From our website to the sign on our door to Google to Yelp, you will see that we open 11:00. Don’t come knocking on the door at 10:45 asking if you can come in early and wait because the answer will be no. We don’t care if it’s raining or if it’s hot outside and you want to sit in the air conditioning. We don’t want your ass in the restaurant until we absolutely have to have your ass in the restaurant. You may not mind sitting at a table and waiting until we are ready, but we do. We don’t want you staring at us as we do our last minute preparations for work and we certainly don’t want to take an extra 30 seconds to “just bring you some water.” No. Sit in your car, sit on the sidewalk or sit on your fucking thumb, but don’t sit in the restaurant until we are open.

Also, it may only be two minutes until opening time, but please don’t knock on the glass door and point at your watch and shrug your shoulders. We know it’s 10:58. In two minutes we will hit the switch that forces a smile on our face, but until that time, go fuck yourself. Knocking on the door or window is not going to make time move faster for you. We will unlock the door when our phone says it’s 11:00 and not a second sooner. You are not going to starve or die of dehydration in the two minutes it takes for it to officially become time to open.

Finally, don’t call us before we open either. We’re busy getting ready to serve an unlimited supply of assholes and when the phone rings, our manager expects us to answer it. We don’t want to, so don’t call. You probably Googled us to get our phone number so on that same webpage where you see our phone number, you will also see our hours of operation. Heed them. Don’t give us another reason to want to hate you because we already have plenty of those. Be warned: if you call before we are open, you may be on the receiving end of this employee tirade.

In closing, please take note of what time we open and then don’t talk to us or expect us to want to deal with you until then.

Mustard and mayo,
Bitchy Waiter

p.s. Before you get all upset with this employee in the video, it’s pretty clear that is not a real situation. It seems to be a set up, giving this employee the opportunity to live out his dream of what he wishes he could say to that customer who calls before we are open. Relax.


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