According to the United States Department of Labor, there are approximately 2.5 million waiters and waitresses in this country and I am here to tell every single one of them that it is okay. In our profession, we are often told that some of us are too old to be waiting tables or to “get a real job.” But you know what? No. I refuse to let some people think this job is not worthy of respect. For some of us, waiting tables is a part-time job while others work 60 hours a week. Some of us only do it until we find another job that is more to our liking while others wait tables until our legs are swallowed up in varicose veins and we finally hang up the apron for good. Some of us don’t even begin waiting tables until after we have already had another career and we decide we want something new and different. Do not let anyone make you feel like you should not be a server.
Writing this blog, I have received hundreds and hundreds of messages from people who tell me that customers have made them feel bad about waiting tables. Just yesterday, someone told me that their customer was talking about a recent trip to Hawaii and then said something like, “I know you’re just a waitress” as if a waitress wouldn’t be able to listen to such a story because how on earth would she be able to handle hearing about a place that she will never be able to afford to go to. Or how many times have we been asked if we’re in school, as if the only people who wait tables are ones who are in college? Yes, I waited tables while in college and I also waited tables after I graduated from college. It’s okay to wait table and college has nothing to do with it.
I bitch a lot on this blog. After all, it’s called the Bitchy Waiter. When I started it eight years ago on December 8, 2008, it was just a place for me to vent about the frustrations that come with serving food for a living. Over the years, I have realized that the blog is also a wonderful place to encourage people to be okay with the fact that they wait tables. Our job has a stigma attached to it and I’m tired of it. If you are a server, I want you to embrace it. Accept it. It’s okay to complain about your job because that’s what humans do. It’s a coping mechanism. It’s better to complain about the woman at Table 16 who sent her burger back three times because she ordered it “somewhere between medium and medium-rare but without too much pink, but just a little bit of pink.” Complaining about her on the Internet is better than losing your patience with her, telling her to fuck off and then getting fired. Complaining about your job does not mean you should go get different one. Besides, if all 2.5 million of us suddenly decided to quit, who in the hell is going to bring us our margaritas when we want to go out to dinner?
Every once in a while, it’s good to be be reminded that what we do is a noble profession. Whether you work at Red Lobster, a mom and pop diner, Jean-Georges’ latest hot spot or Chili’s, it’s okay. We are the ones who keep the restaurant industry going and don’t let anyone make you feel bad about it. If someone tries to pass judgement on you for being “just a server,” just know that you are the one who will walk out the door with money in your pocket. Take the tip, smile and move on to your next table. And if someone stiffs you, don’t let it bother you. Chances are your next customer is going to make up for it. The best thing about our job is once a horrible customer is out of your section, they are also out of your life.
Keep on waiting tables. And if you need to vent about it, I am always here for you.
Waiting tables also allowed me to write a book about it, so if you like this blog I hope you will click here and consider buying it. It’s cheap, just like bottom-shelf liquor.
Yina
I love your blog!!!
Michiserver
Pardon me teacher who came in to have her after work drink, I grossed 2k less than you last year. Please have a million seats. Plus I don’t have to deal with bratty kids EVERY day.
Lisa
I cannot say where I work (confidentiality agreement) wouldn’t do to be fired from my loser job I’ve had for 29 years. Yes that’s what I said, 29 years. At. The. Same. Job.
No I never thought I’d say that about any job, but here we are. And, to be clear, this was not my only job. I’ve worked in food and bev since my dad put me in charge of filling butter ramekins and juice glasses ahead of breakfast in the restaurant he owned inWaikiki in the 60s. (Yes I’m THAT OLD.) I was allowed to pick up a table here and there, since I was 13 years old.
I’ve worked in EMS and owned my own business (related to property management) for many years, but I kept coming back to serving. I’ve worked in every type of joint, from a Waffle House in NC (love those country ham biscuits!) in the 70s, to dive bars with beer in cans, to table side carving and cherries jubilee, club service cocktails and actual sommeliers on site.
I’ve done it all. I’ve seen it all. I’ve heard it all. I’ve been through Atkins diet, “vegetarian” people who order the fish (“I said vegetarian not VEGAN!”) and now, gluten free bread. (Ugh, just stop it!)
I have a 401(k) full medical, dental, vision coverage, paid vacation (after all this time I get about 6-7 weeks per year now, commensurate with hours worked) and I own a house by the beach. In Hawaii.
I have always said that even if I won the lottery I’d still want to pick up a few shifts per week and that hasn’t changed.
Even the shitheads are good for a few laughs with that after work Scotch.
Oh. I’ve also received a free education in Food and Beverage that one couldn’t get anywhere else. I can (still) dance circles around some of the kids coming in these days, the ones who need every weekend off and don’t know bourbon from Beaujolais. Circles. With a loaded tray. And a smile, pasted on my face like an emoji.
Eva
HA! I worked with a woman who has waited table her ENTIRE life. She takes three trips a year to different countries. She only worked on Sundays at the place we worked together, she worked at Hickory Park the other five days and she had Mondays off. I bet she never left a shift with under $200. People come to eat just to sit in her section! I will fight to the death with anyone who says “just a waitress”. That shit is challenging. You have to remember everything, be nice to complete assholes, and smile even though you are pissed off. I worked in the industry for 20 years. I love it, but it gets hard on this old body. I would do it again in a heartbeat!!
Lane McDaniel Jr
Your logic is flawed. Worked in the service industry for 8 years while in school at some of the most high end steakhouses. It’s just a job not a career. There is zero career progression or job stability in waiting tables. What’s next in the service industry maybe be a GM or manager? Waiting tables is just a job with zero career potential yes your friend can take off long periods of time but her income is drastically capped and unstable. Nothing wrong with that but I laugh at people I waited tables with who bitch and moan about how they are “still just a waiter” we’ll get off your ass and go to school or get a trade. Also most individuals I waiting tables with where broken individuals with lack of ambition or drive. Some did great after they left but overall the justification that waiting tables is a career is bs. People just trying to justify their bad life decisions.
The Bitchy Waiter
You say potato and I say fuck off.
Tracy Fields
Servers have a different day every day. Our days are energetic, hoppin and poppin. We don’t want those cubicles and computer screens and to sit on our butts for 8 hours a day 5 days a week. We make better money than the cubicle clones and we have a blast doing it. Does it get stressful? Yes. Does it get hard? Yes But, for those of us who chose this as our career, we love it all. There are difficult people in all walks of life but when that difficult person leaves my station a fantastic person may take their place and another fantastic person after that. I am a server, and hell yeah I’m proud.
Ruben
Agreed!
What I wish I could say when people try to insult my job.
Are you in debt? Me? No!
Do you own your own home outright? Me? Sure do!
Do you own your own car outright? Me? Sure do!
Am I going to school? Me? Yes but paying cash as I go so as not to incur debt.
Do I go on vacation? Me? Europes lively in the fall!
How much do I work? Me? Not even 40 hours!
Deadringer
I love this blog and I love the posts with it! I specifically come to your pages to help me cope after a crappy day at work. It helps! Your suggestions also help me to be a better server. I’m not going to lie, on slow days at work, I keep your book next to the register and read it during my downtime. I have a handful of regulars who want to know what part I am reading. It’s been a fantastic conversation starter. Thank you!
Janean
I decided to quit my job in dog grooming and move over to the world of waiting tables. It’s been a blessing in disguise. I have better things in my life then I had before and honestly I love being a waitress. 4 years into it I was promoted to manager, and I’m still going strong. Tourists in the summer headed to Yellowstone always ask if I’m in school or what else I do…. well I live on a freaking mountain in the middle of nowhere…. this is what I do. And with my husband being the head chef it’s an amazing life. We do what we do and make things work. I love the restaurant industry and will probably never go back to the “real world” as so many people call it! I have also made The Bitchy Waiter book a must read to all our employees!!!
Jaime
Can I just say how this post made me cry? I graduated with a degree in Atmospheric Science and had to wait tables for 12 years. I’ve been called a “stupid waitress” more times than I can count. I work when I’m sick and when I’m too sore to move. But I do it. And for some reason I love it
Scott
I returned to waiting tables a year and a half ago after spending 15 years working in the not-for-profit mental/behavioral health field with children and families. I have a 4 year college degree in said field. Personal life issues forced me out of that field and serving was what i had to fall back on to “just get by”. I quickly discovered that it’s what I really love to do, and always has been. And it DOES require a strong skill set that includes organization, communication, team work, patience, problem solving, stress management, working in a high pressure fast paced environment, and hospitality/kindness/people skills. I have always known I was meant to help others in some capacity. What’s wrong with doing so in the form of providing/contributing to an enjoyable evening out?? Oh! Working half the hours i used to and making more $$ is a big plus too!!
The Prozac Queen
I know I’m late to the party, but it really helped me to read this…both the post and this comment. I was your classic overachiever who wanted to go into psychology. I have a four year degree in communication (writing, video production, etc). This came from a love of the TV industry I got in high school…anyway, I worked at a station for a while and realized that I needed to be out among *people*, not at a stupid cubicle or at a teleprompter. I’m an extrovert. I *have* to be around people. Sometimes I’ve been embarrassed to say what I do for a living and yes some of my overachiever friends look down on me but then I remember that I have a job where I touch people’s lives every day, even if it means just serving food and making them laugh. I’m the coworker who always has a good word for everyone…I work a ton of hours but then I get to go *home*, I don’t have to take work home with me like a lot of people I know. And my husband and I are nearly out of debt. That right there is helpful.
Tam
When they say “what else do you do?” you say “whatever I want.”
flask
people with jobs they do well deserve respect, no matter the job.
and the less you’d like to do the job they have, the more respect they deserve from you.
servers: people doing work you need done.
Ashlee
I love how refreshing it is to come home after an awesome and GRUELING service and see that I am tagged in a post on here. I’m 21 years deep into this industry. I am a career Server. I am also a Sommelier. I am a Winemaker and I am a restaurant badass who chose my job over anything else all my life. I own a million dollar home, paid for out right, and I am God damn proud of what I do. I have met the most amazing people and had some of the best times of my life doing what we do. I have worked with the best and worst BOH and FOH teams out there. I don’t regret one second. I love what I do. I’m not ashamed and I am certainly not embarrassed by my job that upon many occasions has pulled in over 100k a year in income for me. I work my ass off and I do it because I have passion for this. All of this. I am a Server. My name is Ashlee and I am proud. Cheers to all of you out there that feel me on this.
Tracy Fields
Very well said! I also LOVE what I do and would not change a second of it.
Susannah
I used to lie and tell people I was still in college to get better tips. Pre-med usually worked well, everyone knows how expensive med school is and telling them that I was working while maintaining straight A’s to pay for school usually got me an extra few bucks. At first I felt bad for lying, but then I realized that trick only works on people who would actually tip me less for knowing that I was “just” a waitress, and fuck them. I’ll take their money.
Maggie
The Hawaii comment was funny to me since I got married in Hawaii right after I graduated from college paid for by waiting tables. Same with Hawaii two week vacation. That same year I put a down payment on a house. You guessed it while still waiting tables. And my husband is not loaded, he had a ‘real’ job where it was impossible to save any money.
Sarah Huke
Absolutely love all the stories and comments about having a career in hospitality, my family have run a restaurant for nearly 20 years alongside my own career in many and varied restaurants.
The sheer entertainment value alone makes up for the blood , sweat and tears that are needed to survive the industry.
Long may it live and the ‘ customer is nearly never always right ! ‘
Marc Nadeau
I have done this job for 32 years, and also was a flight attendant as well (for 4 years) . I live close to where i work, and I love when I see customers of mine in the upper end grocery store, they seem to just freeze for a moment, not really sure what to do or say… it is like I am an alien, after all, I am not in uniform!! *also, another time in the parking lot adjacent to our restaurant, customers had seen me get in my car ( a nice one) and asked if it was my car!! I can’t believe how some people really view me sometimes… but, i work an average of 5 hours a shift, I have a set schedule and pretty much can take time off whenever… *when they ask me ‘what else do you do?’ i just say nothing, smile and walk away….
Sharyn
33 years. I just keep going back. I opened a produce stand this year (which my finely honed customer service skills have prevailed!) and thought I was changing careers. Buuutttt, I picked up 3 shifts a week for security. I can pick and choose pretty much where I wait at this point. It’s a great gig. The only problem is they don’t have a uniform and I can wear what I want. That’s just confusing.
Denise
Once, when a customer asked when I was”going to get a real job”, I replied, “How about you strap on this apron and see how real this job becomes for you?”
Brandi
THANK YOU! I literally just got off my lunch shift to go run errands until my dinner shift and guess who I got to wait on at lunch today?
A former boss. He’s an engineer with a master degree and owns a few companies and I worked for him for a few years (I still waited tables at night because of money) and guess what he asked? “So, what else are you doing?” With what? This is what I do. I work here 50 hours a week and I don’t have to do anything else. Well except that I bought a house two weeks ago so I do house owner stuff on my day off. Like paint and rake my leaves. It felt so good to tell him that! What else are we supposed to do? I work, pay my taxes and take care of myself. I own a place and a piece of land. What else and I supposed to be doing?
Lisa
I would just like to say… Too often people think that waiting tables is an “unskilled” job, maybe it is… but if you’re good at it, it is so much more! I don’t know a lot of people who can coordinate a meal for up to 40 people simultaneously, while keeping drinks full, food hot and condiments flowing. Remembering the lady at 3 wants water w/ 2 ice cubes, dude at table 7 needs a lime w/ his yuengling and the little angel with the party of 12 can’t have his pickle touch his bread, and “can I get the seafood pizza without the pizza” was the winner for most bizarre requests today! (Yes, that really happened and yes, we made a seafood pizza without the pizza) As servers/bartenders, we are asked to check on dinner reservations at other competitors, we are abused by your children, propositioned for sex (and drugs), and otherwise regularly ran through the wringer…. We are coordinating your meal and entertainment for the next hour and SOME of you have the nerve to think that you got your Oysters Rockefeller with the hollandaise, bacon and spinach on the side and granny got her soup boiling like she asked with a side of extra crispy fries, and he fact that juniors dew never got empty was like some kind of magic, don’t forget ya probably asked at the end of the meal for separate checks with hints like the girl w the ponytail and the blonde are with me and I had the burger and coors light lol! Yet we make it happen, hopefully with some grace and humor! With all that being said, I make good enough money at my “unskilled” server job to live a comfortable middle class lifestyle with 3 kids and my own home so I guess this is my “real job”!!
Melissa
Well Said!
TRACEY
Absolutely. EVERYDAY!
Heather
The pizza no pizza is just low carb. It’s fantastic.
Adela pacheco
????
Missy
Drop the mic ?
staffvibe App
Bravo, a great read! You are an amazing writer.