No Dogs Allowed

Pets do not belong inside restaurants. They just don’t. Now if your pet was a roach, rat, mouse, ant or spider, then it would fit right in to most of the restaurants that I have worked in. However, if your pet is a dog, dog, dog, dog or dog, then do not bring it to the restaurant with you. They are not welcome there. Besides that, it’s kinda fucking illegal. People in New York City think they can bring their dogs with them anywhere they go and when people sit on the patio (AKA sidewalk) of my restaurant they see no problem with parking the pooch right beside them. We gave up a long time ago telling them it’s against the law because if they get a ticket, who cares? But c’mon. Today I had three dogs on the patio at the same time. Their stupid ass owners tie them to the chair and then make me step over them every time I have to walk through my station. Now I love dogs. Just as much as I love babies. And you know how much I love babies… But I don’t want to take time out from ignoring my tables so that I can go get a bowl of water for some bitch’s bitch. I don’t want to get my leg bit off if I accidentally step on the dog’s tail and I really don’t want to watch someone feed their dog.

Table 500. A two-top. I walk out to the patio and see that they have dumped the jelly packets out of the bowl that was on the table and now that bowl is on the sidewalk filled with eggs and bacon. And a fucking dog is eating out of it. Is that right? Hell no, that ain’t right. I gots no problem with people feeding their dog off a plate. They can let their dog drink water out of a vase from the Ming Dynasty for all I care, but not at a restaurant. People don’t want to see that and wonder how many other dogs have eaten off the plate that now holds their over-cooked Eggs Benedict. I gave the lady a look that said, “Really? Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me?” She looked back at me with a sheepish smile and said, “He was hungry.” Cut to me giving a eye roll that almost threw my eye socket out of whack. The lady knew it was wrong. Even the dog gave me a look. The look said, “I know my owner is a dumb ho and just so you know, she ain’t gonna tip you.”



  1. AK

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