Last week, I wrote a blog post about a woman who was celebrating the 22-month anniversary of a baby clawing its way out of a vagina. It really pushed some buttons and touched some nerves and, for the life of me, I can’t imagine why. The post on the Facebook page had a reach of over 500,000 people so it clearly resonated for some. Most people could see the sense of humor but plenty of folks decidedly did not like what I was writing about. I need to make one thing clear: the server who received the note undoubtedly brought a “small cupcake or brownie” for the baby celebrating the non-birthday and then served it with a smile. That is what we do as servers. The entire point of this blog is to write about the things we wish we could say. It doesn’t mean we actually do the things I write about.
There were a lot of hateful comments directed ant me and other servers about what awful people we are and after reading about 700 hundred of them, it kinda got me all like:
But one comment in particular stood out. It came from Lauren:
Whomever wrote this is a huge douche who needs to get laid, go on vacation, and take a Xanax. Not specifically in that order. Get over yourself, honey. Your shitty job is to bring people whatever the fuck they want, and pretend you’re enjoying doing so. If you don’t like that, get an education and do something else.
Ouch, Lauren. You cut me to the quick, bitch. What you fail to realize is that 99.9% of the time we servers do bring people whatever the fuck they want and we pretend we are enjoying it. It’s just that I like to write about the other .01% of the time. And I am afraid you are wrong with your assumption that I am “huge douche.” At 5’9” and 141 pounds, I’d say I’m really more of a small or medium.
However, I think I shall take your unsolicited advice regarding getting laid, going on vacation and taking a Xanax. (Not necessarily in that order.) Effective today, I am on vacation for 12 days. This morning I went to CVS to pick up my prescription of Xanax. As soon as my husband and I land in Italy on Thursday morning, I will get to work on the “get laid” part. I don’t think it will be very difficult to achieve. Thanks for the great advice, Lauren. You’re the best.
Getting laid, going on vacation and taking Xanax!
WP
.1% not. 01% I’m so sorry, I just couldn’t stop myself.
Denise
This blogger is merely trying to raise attention to her blog. Controversy always gets attention. This is her business that she’s trying to to build.
The Barbara Chandler!
You have just demonstrated why Miss Manners has always abhorred the practice of tipping. Asking patrons to make a subjective decision about the service they have received (haven’t internet reviews replaced that?) by putting it in monetary terms is unpleasant — and the demand for it, rude.
You simply cannot make an explicit request for money — especially while dictating its particulars — and then act as if it is the customer’s choice to do it.
MissWoo
Why would this person assume you are not educated?
Grackle
Bunch of absolute crybabies in the last comment section. Good initial post, bitchy, good response. I’m only sorry you didn’t call more of those idiots out because it would have been even more hilarious!
sara beo
the original post was spot on, way to call it bitchy! lauren’s comment proves lauren is not a very nice person, full of self-loathing and judgments about herself that spill over onto others. why else say such snooty stuff? we see you lauren, we see you.
Lou
I have one kid, a son. 3 years old..
The only “month” anniversary we celebrated was his 6 months of life and it was more a “yay we made it to 6 months without dropping you!!” kind of celebration with store bought cake at home. Other than that I celebrate actual birthdays at home and maybe it’s because I’m from Australia but he certainly doesn’t go to any restaurants, he goes to the weird family buffet that always has a million kids and a few dozen old people around.
Why? because he’s a kid.. he throws tantrums because I won’t let him jam food in his mouth to the point he almost chokes, he’s irrational and no one wants to deal with that, particularly while they’re eating
I think it’s precious that parents seem to think other people care about their kids milestones. Most people don’t. As long as your kid isn’t screaming or smelling bad then they don’t care past that.
Alexandra
Bitchy You’re great.. I totally agree..come and visita me i’m not far from Milan….
Nutty 1
Tell the baby buster..Go to grand mama’s house
For a gooey treat !!
And mess her section up!!???
Take the diapers and snot droppers too!!
Celebrate with your whiny cranky CHILD at your own home!! Mess your dinning area up!!
Just bc you bring your child to a restaurant doesn’t mean your server has to coo and fawn all over your creation! Get over it ?love u bitchy..
Patti ondish
Tell the baby buster..Go to grand mama’s house
For a gooey treat !!
And mess her section up!!???
Take the diapers and snot droppers too!!
Celebrate with your whiny cranky CHILD at your own home!! Mess your dinning area up!!
Just bc you bring your child to a restaurant doesn’t mean your server has to coo and fawn all over your creation! Get over it ?love u bitchy..
Dee
I have to say i read the article while sneaking a smoke break after a double shift with a coworker and we were laughing so hard it made the last 2 hours of a Friday go by pretty fast!!! I love everything you write. I have been a waitress for 20 or more years. And not because i have no education or no other option but because I started in high school and was crazy enough to fall in love with the job. And it bugs me when people say servers are uneducated, lazy , or if we complain about it they same why do we do it….everyone hates something about the I job. Nobody loves everything , every moment of every day of their. Everyone complains about it at some point.
The Barbara Chandler!
What a drug addled whore! Probably have AIDS too. Bragging about a drug addiction and sodomy, in my day we kept that behind closed doors.
dead_elvis
Hey Barb, you fucking useless cunt –
How ’bout you kill yourself, or at least stop commenting here? You’re a useless cunt, remember?
Rombo
Ooohhh, what a sweetheart you are! Drop dead, babs. You suck, you homophobic twat.
Nicole
I Fucking love you Bitchy.
Kathy brigit
Yes!
B
Eh I’ve worked with servers who had degrees. One had a bachelor’s. Hell I have a degree. Jobs are for making money, not proving yourself to anyone.
Christine
ONLY 12 days in Italy? Oy. We’re up to 4+ weeks for every trip. Try it. Hope you both enjoy the country. We stay in large cities (relatives in Rome and in Milan) when we’re there, only because we live in Podunkville, WA – but on the water so we survive quite well.
Shannon of San Francisco
I love you Bitchy Waiter!!
Oh Lauren, I worked my way during my education – some of us actually work hard to eventually get out. Eat a D*ck!
Kat
I second that!!
Brianne
Hilarious!!! I absolutely agree on the 22mo non birthday thing. That’s just bizarre! Of course, I would find whatever treat I could to bring out, but would be grumbling in my head the whole time.
As for the counting of months, it because they’re are new milestones each month that babies should be hitting. I can’t wait till my daughter is 2 so I can just say, “She’s two”, rather than figuring out the damn months, because honesty, I’ve no friggin clue!
Stephanie
I don’t have kids, but I agree the idea of celebrating milestones at that age is exciting for the parents, because so many happen so quickly… However, I might suggest (just a thought, no worries) it would be more significant to celebrate development milestones rather than months. Like, “Jay-Kayden sat up on his own!” Or “Who just cut their first tooth and subsequently mommy’s nipples? This kid!”
Sounds more interesting to me than “Yay, you managed simply existing for 7 months!” Just a thought hearing your description 🙂
Obviously your milestones might be different if your baby isn’t developing exactly like average, but hitting small goals are wonderful too.
And sure, celebrate but be good to your server and try not to request anything they don’t offer, or leave the diapers on the table. But I think you already knew that.
CB
I love my kids (now 20 and 21) with as much syrupy, annoyingly starry eyed devotion as the next parent. But I agree with Bitchy on this one. Not to mention point of most of his posts is to bitch. And for us to gleefully chime in! And for the heck of it, I have a personal bitch about parents throwing over the top 1st and 2nd birthday parties for clueless babies who start to get cranky and just wish everyone, especially that hired clown, would just go away. Save the big parties(and your $) for when they might actually know what’s going on. And Bitchy have a great vacation!
slumslut
Here you go, as promised. Enjoy!
https://i2.imgflip.com/1vdqac.gif
slumslut
OMG I’ma finish reading this and go directly to the animated GIF generator! Wait for it…
slumslut
Cant ETA:
I don’t think you should wait until you land in Italy, IYKWIM 😉
Tonia Flores
Love you bunches, Bitchy! That is all…oh, except have an excellent time on vacay! Get some 😀