Woman Claims Sexual Assault for Asinine Reason

A woman named Isabelle Lassiter and her family went to have dinner at a hibachi restaurant in Tennessee and ended up having a miserable time when she was “sexually assaulted” by the chef. No, the chef didn’t feel her up or expose himself or even flip a shrimp into her privates. He simply used a water toy that looks like a little boy and when the little boy’s pants were pulled down, it squirted water. When that water got on her face she freaked out claiming sexual assault because the only person who is allowed to pee directly on her face is her husband. The husband, feeling intimidated by a 4” piece of plastic that shoots a more steady stream than he does, sprung into action demanding a refund for their meal and saying he would call the police if they didn’t do it.

Well, the restaurant was all, “Umm, are you fucking serious here?”

They were serious and the cops were called.

“He pulled his little shorts down and it had a ‘wanger’ and he squirted me right in the face,” said the woman who clearly does not know what a “wanger” looks like.Screen Shot 2016-07-27 at 10.46.32 AMIf she thinks that looks like a penis, my condolences go out to her husband who definitely got the short end of the cock. Now I know why he was so intimidated by the massive 4” “pee-pee boy.”

“To do that to somebody’s mother while they are sitting at the table!” said Lassitter. Again, being peed on the face is something that should be done in the privacy of ones home and not while sitting at a hibachi restaurant.

Isabelle Lassitter was peed upon.

Isabelle Lassitter was peed upon.

A police report was filed, but no one was arrested for this heinous crime.

What we have here is a case of someone trying to get some free food. I’m surprised she didn’t lay her face on the grill and claim that she didn’t know it was hot and then demand a free dessert. No word on if they got their food comped, but we do know that from now on, the chefs will use the toy at request only. Yes, just because one woman was so uptight about this simple toy, now no one else will have the pleasure of being sprayed on by the pee-pee boy. Meanwhile, Louise and her husband will continue their quest to file ridiculous police reports about stupid shit. And the next time her husband pees on her face at home, they’ll laugh and laugh about that time they were on the news for making a big deal about such a small wanger. And then they will cry because they are both stuck with his penis that looks like that of a 4” pee-pee boy.


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