This is NOT a Good Reason for a 1-Star Review

Screen Shot 2016-05-17 at 5.05.55 PMEvery once in a while, I go to Yelp and read some reviews so I can remind myself that humanity can be rather dreadful. So many people look at Yelp as their own personal toilet and they think of their reviews as little tiny turds that get dropped into it. Turd in point is this review for a restaurant called Postino Highland in Scottsdale, Arizona. Shitter-extraordinaire is Jason D. who gave the restaurant a 1-star review because they wouldn’t let him in before they were open.

Walked up to doors that were wide open and was turned away because they don’t open for 20 minutes. It was a crew of unappreciative Millennial’s that were complaining as soon as we walked up! I will never go there again. And will spread the word of the anti customer atmosphere!  My generation would have sat you down and pour some water.

Jason, please calm the fuck down and stop acting like you are of a generation that had to use wood-burning stoves for heat and candlelight to study. A millennial is someone born between 1980 and 2000. Chances are, you are a fucking millennial yourself. (And by the way, the plural of millennial is “millennials” is not “Millennial’s”.) If, by chance, you were born in the ‘70‘s, you can consider yourself Generation X, but it’s not like you are that much older than a lot of the so-called millennials you speak of. Perhaps you are much older than your Yelp profile would suggest and you are, in fact, an old man, but that doesn’t mean you can get mad at a restaurant for adhering to their posted business hours. If they say they are opening at 11:00 and you roll your horse and buggy up at 10:40, you gotta sit there and yell at the clouds for twenty minutes, old man. 91sn32QFace it, dude, they’re not fucking open. Maybe the doors were open because they had just mopped the floors and wanted the smell of bleach to clear from the air. Everyone knows that mixing bleach and ammonia together can create toxic fumes. My guess is that they did not want to take a chance that your ammonia-smelling douchebag stench would waft in and mix with the lingering scent of bleach and make people pass out. So really, it was a safety precaution.

Bottom line is they weren’t fucking open yet. They may have still been doing their opening sidework and no one had time to sit you down and pour you some water. Maybe they were still been eating their breakfast (lunch servers commonly eat breakfast at 10:45…), rolling silverware, polishing glasses or perhaps they were just enjoying those last few minutes before customers come in and ruin everything. Just because the door was open doesn’t mean you can ignore the posted hours. And maybe they were complaining when you walked up, but I can pretty much tell you what they were complaining about: you!

“Oh, look everyone, this guy is walking toward the front doors and ignoring the “closed” sign. Does he think he’s gonna come in early? Fuck that, I’m still eating my egg and cheese on a roll. Besides, he smells like ammonia and the dishwasher just bleached the floor. Danger! Peligroso!”

Jason claims he will never go back to Postino Highland again and I bet you a glass of lemon water that every millennial who works there is happy about it.
I hate when people go to Yelp and give a bad review when they have not even eaten at the restaurant. It’s unfair and reeks of entitlement. And based on Jason’s other reviews, he’s fond of giving single stars. In another review he gives one star because the restaurant closes at 10:00 and he got there at 9:40 and they told him he’d need to order quickly. In another, he complains that it’s too expensive. In another he complains again that the food costs too much. The only 5-star reviews he has given is when he complained about some shoes and the store gave him a new pair and another restaurant that he had previously given one star to, but then changed it to five after they invited him back to try again. (In other words, they probably gave him some free food.)

Whatever, Jason. Quit using Yelp to whine about things. If the majority of your reviews are 1-star, no one takes you seriously anyway.

EDIT: Since this was originally written, the review has been moved to the hidden reviews for the restaurant. Probably because Yelp realized this review was a steaming crock of shit…

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