Well, I know where I never want to work even if it’s the last restaurant in the free world: this place called Krazy Moose Subs in Wasilla, Alaska. Knowing there are two sides to every story, this photo of the tip pooling contract is only one side of the story. Granted, it sounds like a really shitty story where servers get screwed by a giant Alaskan moose with no condom or lube, but this is all I have to go on. I do not know if this is a full-service restaurant or one of those places where you order at the counter and maybe drop a couple of dollars into the tip jar. Since this is Wasilla, Alaska I assume the tip jar is an old I ♥ Sarah Palin coffee mug. Moving on, let’s dig into the six points that are stated on the contract:
- You must work 6 months without tips. Ummm, no. If there are tips to be had and some of those tips are given to me, those belong to me. I would never work someplace for six months and watch tips pass me by like the Northern Lights in the Alaskan sky. Nope. And who is getting my tips, anyway?
- After 6 months of employment you will get a review of your work. If you are doing your job correctly and up to speed you will receive tips. If you are not up to speed or not doing your job correctly then you will get a percentage of tips until we feel you are doing everything that is accepted. Another big nope. Who is making this decision? What if they have grown accustomed to keeping the tips I have been making and that person decides, “No, you still sorta suck at what you do. I’m only going to let you keep 10% of the tips you receive but the other 90% will go someplace else.” Who is this person and why does he or she have so much power?
- There will be a credit card fee of 2.75% taken off credit card tip totals daily. This is a very common occurrence these days, but are they saying that even though you don’t get to keep your tips for six months, that you are still paying the credit card fees for those tips? Basically, doesn’t that mean that you are paying them to work there? I would take that Sarah Palin coffee mug and shove it up someone’s asshole at this point.
- All of the credit card tips and cash tips will be added onto your paycheck and will have taxes taken off. I guess this assuming you have worked there for six months and someone felt you were doing your job correctly enough to actually get to keep your tips. And again, who the fuck is this person who gets to make all of these important decisions??
- When you are late for work then you forfeit your tips for the day and they will be given to Tamara Suders. Ah ha!! Now we know where all those tips are going to: Tamar fuckin’ Suders. I don’t know what her job is, but I want it. I would just hire people all the time and collect their tips and as soon as their six month review period was up, I’d fire their ass and get someone else in there so I can keep on collecting their tips. And by the way, if I was on my way to work and realized I was going to be late, I’d turn my ass right back around and go home to my igloo. Why the fuck bother showing up late if you don’t get to keep any of your tips?
- Tips are divided equally among all employees that qualify for tips and are only given to you during the hours you are scheduled and worked. I don’t even know what this means, but it doesn’t matter because I don’t work at Krazy Moose Subs. And I don’t know who would.
If you are one of the employees of Krazy Moose Subs, I’d love for you to clear this up for me. And if anyone knows how I can get Tamar Suder’s job, please tell me where I can send my resume.