“Family Friendly” Does Not Mean “Do Whatever You Want, Kids”

kidfriendlyWhen did the term “family friendly restaurant” change its definition from a place with food that kids will like and possibly some coloring books and crayons to a place where parents think it’s just another playground for their kids to do whatever the fuck they want? A Trip Advisor review for a restaurant in Dartmouth called The George and Dragon recently got a bad review when the owner of the restaurant told some kids to “fuck off to the park around the corner.” Granted, telling kids to “fuck off” is not very “family friendly,” but maybe the owner was sick and tired of parents letting their kids run loose like a group of ferrets foraging for food.

The mom said in the review that their children were not being unruly but just being kids weaving in and out of the empty tables. Sorry, mom, that’s not “kids being kids,” that’s called “parents not parenting.” It doesn’t matter that the tables were empty because if your brats were weaving back and forth through them, I can guarantee you that their dirty little paws either rubbed up against some silverware and glasses or, at the very least, them playing around the tables required that the tables be reset.

This is when Momster claimed that their kids were doing nothing wrong. Oh, except for her 7-year-old daughter standing on the seat of the chair, which I guess is correct behavior in the barn she must be growing up in. Bitch, please. You know, that if you were at home and your daughter put her filthy shoes on the seat of your dining chair and was standing at the table, you would bark out to for her behave, but since it’s at a restaurant, it’s just “kids being kids.” “Family friendly” is not an excuse to let your kids act like animals.

She also says something about an autistic child in the beer garden. I dunno if she is saying that her child is autistic or if it is some hypothetical child who is, for some reason, hanging out in a beer garden, or if this place has a beer garden, but I still feel that kids running around the tables and standing on chairs is not right, autistic or otherwise. And by the way, Mom, if you are actually in a beer garden with your kids, what kind of parent are you? (And can you adopt me?) The owner dropped the f-bomb a couple more times prompting Mom to seek legal advice.

Mom: Hello, Mr. Lawyer? A man told my kid to fuck off last week and I want to sue.
Lawyer: Well, I don’t know if that is really grounds for a lawsuit. What prompted him to tell your child to fuck off?
Mom: Absolutely nothing. She was just running around tables at a restaurant and then standing on her chair.
Lawyer: Oh. Fuck off then.
Mom: But my child may or may not be autistic!
Lawyer: My apologies. Seriously though, fuck off.

Again and again, we see parents defending their child’s behavior and throwing out the “kids will be kids” card. Yes, kids will be kids and they should be kids. But part of being a kid is knowing when to behave and if the parent lets them run around tables at a restaurant and stand on the chairs, when will the kids ever learn what is acceptable behavior in a restaurant? If you want your kids to run and jump and play and climb on things and scream with laughter, don’t go to a “family friendly” restaurant. Fuck off to the park around the corner.

48 thoughts on ““Family Friendly” Does Not Mean “Do Whatever You Want, Kids”

  1. Melissa

    I bet momster didn’t think that maybe, when her kids are running around empty tables, that’s exactly how they’d remain as one peek outside and no one else would sit there either, hence not making the restaurant money! Parents, please!

  2. Aleece

    Riane, I just had to comment because “fuck trophies” is the greatest term I’ve ever heard! You are the hero Gotham deserves.

  3. Hannah

    I absolutely love you bitchy waiter!!! Your my hero!
    Ive worked in restaurants for about 6-7 years now as just about everything! But i have finally found the perfect position! Drumroll please…. togo orders! You still get tipped and hourly depending on where you work, and you dont have to spend even a fraction of the time with ppl! Or clean up after them, pretend that their baby is cute, etc, etc! Yes there will still be a**holes that stiff you or try to scam the company every now and then. Overall though i like it way better! 😊

  4. Erin

    It’s awkward and annoying for everyone involved.
    I can’t get my kid to sit still and eat a meal at home, therefore, we do not take him out to eat. Simple as that. If we want to go out and have a nice meal, we get a sitter.

  5. caryn

    We had two couples come in with 4 children. The kids all had musical instruments and proceeded to march around the restaurant playing drums and kazoos, etc. They stood on the table, went onto the deck and took the hose and sprayed people on the street. Each member of management took a turn trying to reason with the parents, asking them to please control the children. They got pissed and left and then one man went on every review site and disparaged us with 1* reviews.

  6. Barry

    When our kids were little, we made a game out of our Family Restaurant Rules. Every now and then, we would eat Dinner or Lunch at Dining Room table where we practiced and modeled the rules for them (Meals at Kitchen table, and on the RARE occasions we had a “Living Room Picnic” they were allowed to act like normal kids their age) We even made up a song we would sing on the way to the restaurant. We started taking them to finer restaurants on our vacations once they were 4 and 6, and always received comments from the wait staff, and often other customers on how well-behaved they were. On the ONE occasion the youngest had a melt-down (it was after a LONG day at the Mall of America… we should have known better than to attempt THAT one!) I immediately took her outside, my wife apologized profusely, had them make our order “to go” and we gave the server a double tip… 20% for the meal, an extra 20% for having to put up with the hassle. Yes, parenting is tough, but just because you decide to procreate, it should NEVER be an imposition on others who were smart enough to get a babysitter for THEIR special night out. If you can’t afford a sitter, you can’t afford to eat out with other grownups. Period. If you can’t count on your children to be respectful and behave themselves in a full service restaurant, no matter if it “family friendly” or not, hit the drive-thru. Period. Does it suck not to be able to go places other grownups go? Yep. But it’s only for a few years.

  7. Laura H

    It sounds like a typical British pub that serves food. I can imagine the owner telling her to ‘fuck off’ if her kids were playing up.

    And a beer garden is just what they call the casual outside area of a pub. Tends to be at the back or side of the pub and is a closed in area.


    A group of us were out at a busy chain restaurant (don’t hate me) and this little girl, said she was 4, kept walking up to our table. Some in our group have children and after a while became annoyed then concerned. The mommies in our group had the girl sit with us until a parent came looking. Took a good 20 minutes. You can bet our mommies had some words with her parent in the lobby about it.

  9. Joey B

    I see it all the time .I had a party of 12 – 6 were kids . Parents were drinking wine they had in a bag .All of them were yelling at me .I would rather wait on a party of Sven The Vandal . There is no saying how they treated me …. Beating their empty cups on the table the second I set them down – They just suck their Shirley temples in a second and all of them screamed even the “adults” they tipped 10 % .They were completely crazy .The whole room was crazy .My cowerk Gary who just quit was rolling his eyes . Kids were smash- bumping into me all night … Why? They were sweaty and smelly and entitled . I really had to watch where I step so I don’t hurt a rug rat . Ok … Try having 3 9 yo ram into you while u are holding a giant tray of food .Can u picture that .Same time their “parents” are yelling for my wine key ….Bucca di Beppo …Enc … Smells like fecal matters there …..these fucks ruined my hearing that night …I’m still deaf …they yelled in my face so loud …still deaf

  10. Jonny

    I assume this is Dartmouth in England? Beer gardens are normal to have children in – nothing odd there about their parenting, however all the behaviour mentioned definitely says bad parenting. My nephew has Aspergers but his parents wouldn’t tolerate him, his brother or sister behaving this way. If any of them ‘act up’ when out then they take them home and they realise they ruined their own trip out to where ever they were. At least they used to, they learnt pretty quick to behave in a normal way in restaurants/pubs. Yes, they still act like children but with manners. I have worked in restaurants, pubs, guesthouses and promotional work plus sales so dealt with all sorts…..and I am English – there is a possibility that manager did actually say f*** off. But if he did he was probably at the point where it was that or murdering someone.

  11. Savannah

    I’m a server at a semi family friendly restaurant, and this stuff annoys the crap out of me. Patents just let their kids run around, and throw a bunch of food on the ground and tables, and don’t even give a second thought that someone has to pull this HUGE booth out, and clean up your child’s mess because you’re a poor excuse for a parent. I have A 4 year old son with special needs, and I don’t even let him act like that, and if it gets uncontrollable I clean that mess up (which he never makes a mess) or I tell him to park his butt back in the seat. This is not okay, it’s rude and downright disrespectful.

  12. Leti

    When I go to a family friendly restaurant what that means to me is that the volume will most likely get turned up. Kids will be laughing, possibly a yell hear or there and probably some crying. I know it, I just take a deep breath and enjoy myself.

    If kids are running around that tells me there’s about to be a crash and melt down because of someone’s failure to regulate. It’s not the restaurant staffs responsibility to teach children manners and decorum.

    Holy hell!

  13. Suzanne

    Children are born into this world as selfish, unruly, unreasonable, sociopathic little assholes. Your job as a parent is to turn them into stable, polite, functioning members of society. This does not happen when they hit 18, this job starts shortly after they are shoved out into the world from your.. let’s call it ‘happy place’..

    Anyone who thinks that is a server’s job to do is an absolute idiot.

  14. Candace

    As a restaurant guest, I reprimand unruly children. I have a health condition that, if one of those darlings ran into me, I could easily end up with a fracture. When I politely explain to the parents that if I am injured, I will sue the pants off them, they do pay attention. (And, Bitchy, you have made me a much better restaurant diner.)

  15. Pamela

    Wtf!?!? Seriously, what is wrong with parents these days? It annoys me to no end that parents allow their children to behave so poorly. Do they not realize that their childs behavior is a DIRECT REFLECTION ON THEM AND OF THEIR PARENTING?? Not only is it completely rude, but it is super dangerous! When servers are working at a fast pace, moving through a restaurant with big heavy trays, it becomes a danger to these children running around! Hello we cannot see your children with theses trays, filled with food and we could possibly drop them on your child and cause serious injury. So, for the sake of your child, watch them keep them seated, like they should be and just be a parent to them, we are not required to babysit and give you a break, IT IS NOT OUR JOB!!!! It is your job. Priorities, people, get them in order, already!

  16. Mrs Mac

    I don’t understand how parents can let their kids behave like that. My husband and I take our toddler daughter out often because we think it is important for her to learn good behaviour in public. She is reasonably behaved but certainly not a complete Angel right now. Eating out isn’t the relaxing affair it used to be, but that is our problem, not anybody else’s. We make bookings for before the main rush starts and if she starts losing patience or becomes too distracted to sit quietly before we have finished eating we will take turns going for a stroll outside with her until we are done. Then we pay and leave, because eating out with a small child means you don’t muck around while your child becomes increasingly bored and fidgety. One day our daughter will be old enough to not need constant supervision and we can enjoy dinners out in a more relaxing way. Until then we have to suck it up.

    1. Kcc

      When my son was little we often took him to restaurants. Early on, I knew that I would have to eat at least part of my meal with a sleeping child on one shoulder. It was worth it just to be out with friends. Later, when he was a bit older and didn’t get sleepy quite so soon, we brought stuff with us to amuse him at the table, and made it clear that he had to stay at the table, just like we did. When he got to the “I don’t care what you say, I’m going to run around the restaurant” stage, we took turns taking him for a walk around the block and then brought him in and explained that if you’re going to eat in a restaurant, you have to stay at your table like everyone else. And at any stage, if he cried, we took him out if he couldn’t be soothed quickly. I’m proud to say that at age 30, he behaves very nicely when eating out and always tips 20% or more.

    2. guest

      Absolutely not, bitch! Tellin’ us kid haters to suck their screamin’ up is bullshit! So why don’t you suck our bitchin’ about screamin’ kids the fuck up?! It’s comments like yours that sound like you want us anti-kid folks to tolerate your friggin’ spoiled brats!

  17. Haruka

    I cringe whenever I see kids in a restaurant, knowing they likely won’t stay quiet for long. X(

    I received your book in the mail today, Bitchy! It was the last one available at Indigo when we ordered. 🙂

  18. Torie

    Chuckle fuck? FUCK TROPHIES?! This is my favorite comment thread of all time. Us servers are such wizards with insults.

  19. Alan

    Recently, I witnessed a manager attempting to get a group of kids to settle down (the parents were off in another part of the restaurant guzzling Rebel IPAs and Cosmos). One of the dads/sperm donors just happened to be around when this happened. He goes up to one of the hosts, irate as hell, bitching about how much money they’re spending and, as such, the kids can make as much noise and ruckus as they pleased…blah blah blah…

    Um…say, chucklefuck, what do you expect the host to do about it? Reprimand a manager??? Too cowardly to confront a manager, but not so when airing your gripes to a high school kid, eh?

  20. Katie

    I highly doubt that the manager was throwing the F bomb around! I have been a server, bartender, hostess and manager in various places and even when I wanted to, I never cursed at anyone! Keep your children (and I use that word loosely) in check! Family friendly does not mean you can let them run Buck wild. Nor does it mean you can guzzle your Pino Grigio while the servers watch out for your little a**holes.

  21. The Nitty Gritty

    The evolution of poor parenting is spiraling out of control, and it’s sadly flooding onto floors. These offended cunt parents think we’re babysitters for their precious little assholio kids. I remember as a kid, all it took was one look, and being told in the car the only time we were to get up from the table was to go to the bathroom; and after we asked permission to be excused. These shitty mutherfuckers should all just fuck off.

  22. Riane

    What parents don’t seem to understand about their “precious Angels” running around like that is the liability the restaurant holds for its occupants. If the kids tipped a table on themselves or her daughter fell off the chair then all hell would break loose. We are not babysitters. If a server has a tray full of hot food that were to topple into the server or children, bam, liability. If the kids tripped a server with a full stack of dirty dishes and broken glass went skidding everywhere, liability. If the kids went running into a specific bar area that is for 21+, HUGE liability. Keeps your damn fuck trophies under control and stop acting like we are the ones being unreasonable.

    1. Jamie

      “Fuck trophies”!! Lmfao! I’m gonna have to steal that one.
      But seriously, you’re completely right. I had a little kid (5 or 6) run into me while I was carrying a tray of hot food over my head. I managed to avoid dropping it directly on the kid, but I broke my wrist & got burned by the food. The parents had the audacity to complain to the manager that I scared their kid & used inappropriate language after I fell (my wrist was obviously broken & had bone poking out through the skin, damn right there was some inappropriate language). When my manager told them the extent of the injury I had caused by their tiny asshole, they suddenly needed to leave. They wouldn’t even give their names for the incident report & literally threw a $5 at my feet on their way out. I was out of work for over 3 months due to surgeries, casts & rehab. I still have issues with that wrist 6 years later. Now I’m a stay at home mom & I can promise my son will NEVER act like that in a restaurant. I know first hand what can happen if people let their demon spawn run wild in a restaurant.

    2. Kcc

      Fuck trophies! I haven’t heard that one before. Fantastic! Wait until I tell my newly married son that it would be great if they had some fuck trophies

  23. Michelle

    Our restaurants however family friendly they may be… are not chuck e cheese. Control your Lil a-holes. And yes I was a server for years and yes I have 2 of my own a-holes!!

  24. SinCityKitty

    Besides all the comments here, I would also like to add that if the first thing you mention is your kids are NOT BEING UNRULY, guaranteed that means your damn kids are tearing up the place!! Why these parents are always defending their bad ass kids, making complaints when they’re the reason why these kids are like that in the 1st place. Although I highly doubt the “manager” told them to EFF OFF, I hope he did. Don’t use autism as an excuse for bad behavior. Blame yourself!! And if my children were really being good and some manager came at me like that, I would come unglued!!! Just more proof she’s full of shit.

  25. Scarlett

    Sounds like to me she was told to f*** off after she said her kids we’re not doing anything wrong, and if the manager in fact did tell her that it probably came after a long heated argument as to whether her kids were doing right or wrong because obviously she was going to sit there and defend them. Autism is definitely not an excuse I wait on to autistic kids when severely autistic and they are regulars and my job and although the severely autistic one will randomly let out a scream or two they do not run around the restaurant and everybody I work with likes both of them nobody runs away when they see them coming because they are generally well-behaved.

  26. Charlie

    My cousin is severely autistic (she is physically 29 but has the mental capabilities of a 4-year-old) and she would NEVER act like that. Why? Because we taught her better. Yes, she may cover her ears and get upset with loud noises. Yes, she may fidget and decide she’s ready to leave if there are too many people. Yes, she may get overly excited and start screaming about how happy she is to have fried shrimp (it has happened before), prompting us to remind her to use her inside voice. But she would NOT climb on furniture, etc. For someone to throw up autism as if it’s a disorder that makes children behave like wild animals is disgusting.

  27. Joey B

    I had a experience in a fine dining restaurant: very big baby girl took a huge dump & her parents went into my busy back section to change her diaper .The stench was overwhelming .I tried to point them to the bathroom (both hat changing tables ) .Dad tried to hand me the shitty diaper ….Bitch please …

  28. JP

    I find it hard to believe hat the Manager was dropping F bombs on them but if he was I bet it was because they were already asked multiple times to keep the kids at the table

  29. April

    I do not believe he told her to “fuck off”. I guess it’s possible, but It seems very odd to me that the very first words this manager would say to that family was “Fuck off”. I’m guessing she is trying to get sympathy and paint the manager in a bad light.

    Family friendly does not mean act like it’s Chuck E Cheese. Family friendly means there is a kids menu and high chairs. Maybe coloring pages. It’s probably noisier in there than at a more upscale place, so if your kids make a bit of noise it won’t be like yelling in a library.

    1. Sarah

      Even at Chuck E Cheese kids shouldn’t be standing on tables or chairs. What a lying, irresponsible cunt that woman is. I think I hate everyone.


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