One Million Moms Thinks Olive Garden Loves Satan

devilBrace yourselves, because I am about to do something I never thought would happen: I am standing up for Olive Garden! The organization known as One Million Moms (which is actually about 10,000 moms, each with 100 different email addresses) has taken their latest dump into the toilet bowl of dissatisfaction and fished out the brownest piece of poo they want to focus their attention on. They have determined that a new FOX TV show called “Lucifer” is pure filth and anyone who watches it or supports it should go straight to hell in a hand basket. (According to Wikipedia, the series focuses on Lucifer Morningstar, who is bored and unhappy as the Lord of Hell and resigns his throne and abandons his kingdom for the beauty of Los Angeles where he gets his kicks helping the LAPD punish criminals.) And since Olive Garden airs commercials during the TV show, One Million Moms is encouraging people to boycott the restaurant. Nevermind that thousands of women across the country won’t know where else to go for their wedding anniversary, 50th birthday party or date night, this is about keeping our media clean and Christian for the children of the world and if it means you have to give up breadsticks, then so be it.

On their Facebook page (you can go look at it here, it’s hilarious; tell them I said said to eat me because I would love to have a Facebook war with those crazy bitches), they created a call to action asking their members to contact Olive Garden to express their disappointment. If you take a gander at the Olive Garden Facebook page, there’s a lot of butthurt about how horrible it is that such a family-friendly restaurant would support a show about THE DEVIL! It’s ironic really, because I’m pretty sure that when I finally descend to the depths of hell, I will be greeted by an Olive Garden hostess standing at a podium who will inform me that it will be somewhere between 20-30 minutes before they can cast me into the river of fire. And then when I meet Satan himself, you know he’s going to be wearing a “I ♥ Darden” t-shirt.

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Anyhoo, does One Million Moms have nothing better to do than to boycott Olive Garden? If they are so upset with the show, why not boycott the actual TV show itself by not watching it? Or, better yet, why not boycott Fox? Their decision to never eat another order of Sausage Stuffed Giant Rigatoni at Olive Garden may be backfiring on One Million Moms because I’ll bet that every server at Olive Garden is thanking the sweet baby Jesus that those women aren’t in their sections anymore.

To Olive Garden I say this: you do you. If you want to show your commercials during a TV show about a hot sexy Lucifer you go right ahead. For all I care, Lucifer can be having sex with a breadstick in a Bonnie Franklin wig and sleeping on a bed of fettuccine. They are your advertising dollars to spend as you see fit.

To One Million Moms I say this: bitches, please. You have every right to crave a landscape of innocence on your TV screen, but if you see something you don’t like, just don’t fucking watch it. Cover your puritan eyes with a veil of lace and change the channel to Lifetime and watch a movie about a husband cheating on his wife because she’s a crazy right-wing conservative who has pushed him away too many times. (Too close to home?)

To myself I say this: I can’t believe you are defending the rights of Olive Garden. I am very disappointed in you.

Finally, if you like this blog I hope you will swing over to Amazon and preorder my book that comes out in April. CLICK HERE.

21 thoughts on “One Million Moms Thinks Olive Garden Loves Satan

  1. Rouver

    I don’t know what the crossover percentage is with waitstaff & comic aficionados, but the tv series Lucifer is based on a Neil Gaiman character from his brilliant comic book series The Sandman. For that reason alone I would watch the show.

    1. Rouver

      Oops, I see someone else already pointed that out. Clearly I agree that Gaimain’s “Sandman” is amazing…sometimes quite weird, but amazing. You guys should check it out.

  2. Merlon Yega

    Christian hate is so derivative… since their belief system is based mostly on fiction their sense of REALITY is totally distorted. This allows them pull hidden meanings out of nowhere and blame them for society’s collapse; instead of their own close-minded attitudes. The boycott of Harry Potter books is a perfect example…

    These Million Moms probably have no idea that the character Lucifer Morningstar was adapted for Television from a comic book. The show itself is just another formulaic cop-mystery drama to replace the other 10 that were cancelled before it. It’s very tame and boring even for FOX’s standards. The comics, however are amazing works of art.

  3. Jubel

    Ok. I can forego Olive Garden but I aint giving up Haloween. I love my dead nurse costume that much. The syringes and scalples sticking all in it.

  4. Gary Johnson

    REAL Christian moms would bear good fruit in their lives!!! NOT boycott the Olive Garden because THEY feel it’s sponsoring a TV show that goes against their religious values!!! Jesus wasn’t a drunkard and didn’t drink, yet he hung out in bars anyway and HE loved and befriended people who were robbers, whores and society’s lowest!! He didn’t boycott the bars or judge others because of their life style, actions or works. The Million Moms club are only a bunch of “religious” hypocrites who Jesus warned about!! Even HE hates religious hypocrites!! In fact the religious folks KILLED Jesus!! HE never hung out with the religious people at any time in his life and HE said in the bible that HE didn’t come to earth to save them!!!

    REAL believers don’t spend time condemning and judging others or their restaurant or their TV shows!! Jesus also spoke against these religious hypocrites and told them NOT to judge and to get a life and to do good(positive) things with it!! So don’t confuse these negative, religious moms with the real believers!! Their crazy God has them breeding more children they can really afford (just to fill up their churches). They sure don’t have a life because IF they were a real Christian bunch of moms, they wouldn’t be boycotting restaurants and production companies who have the right to produce whatever TV show they choose. IF THE MILLION MOMS WERE A TRUE BUNCH OF BELIEVERS IN JESUS, THEY WOULD FIND A REAL CAUSE TO INVEST THEIR TIME AND ENERGY!!!!!! FOR EXAMPLE: STAND AGAINST CHILD SEX SLAVERY IN AMERICA and support

    My wife is a waitress at an Olive Garden and she works very long hours to help pay the bills. (I’m a disabled veteran) so these hateful moms are hurting our family by boycotting the restaurant and decreasing my wife’s tips!! The Million Moms group are heartless, cruel women and have badly hurt our family financially! The Million Moms group is a bunch of women who are definitely very far from the description of God’s plan for the ideal wife in Proverbs 31 in the bible!!! These judgmental moms don’t work or stay productive (unless you call breeding lots of children productive)!! Unfortunately, the moms have way too much time on their hands so they feel it’s their “calling” to warn others about their perceptions regarding the TV show and Olive Garden! Jesus warned the rest of us about these negative types and HE said they aren’t believers and HE said they aren’t bearing good fruit in their lives!!

  5. G. B. Miller

    Up until I’d read this post, I’ve never heard of the show in question. The show sounds lame, and yes, the network does decide when to run an ad. Additionally, the restaurant itself would have to tell the network to pull the ads because they found the show/content objectionable.

    The 101 moms should know that unless the advertiser finds a show objectionable, the almighty dollar bill rules.

  6. Alan

    Isn’t this the same group that tried to get an Archie comic removed from store’s magazine shelves a couple of years ago because it featured a same-sex wedding?

  7. Joey B

    Bitchy – I just died laughing at your post .I’m an artist & I paint , but I need to pay my rent …. I’m a poet & a punkRoccka /Clashfan /Faghag /and biggest Ace-hol muttafuccka.Well ….I got me ears screamed off last night by table of 12 (Mayby it was 13…..seemed like it was fukkken 30 of them)It was just surreal what I had to go thru (Bucca do beppo encino)Parents were gettin blasted on their own vino …..Shouting orders in my face while getting blasted ….kids were shouting at me (6) from the other end….I think maybe they damaged my Eustachian Trumpet last night…..& I’m a Clash fan …still …they wereTOO much It was worse than Chuckee Cheezez ….We had a room that had soooo many children(anybody heard about contraceptives??????) This little bastard almost took me out with a head bump when I was luggin’ 50 pound tray ….I got good breaks so I didn’t spill or hit the fucker …..The lil’ flower from table 11 was doin’ splits & jumpin’ jaxxxx in front of me .I avoided her tooo .This is poetry ….,It happened last night at Bucca & their parents got bombed on some stupid merlot ….,,I’m still deaf from their screams for Mo’Bread ….,good Lawd ….they left a half a bottle of their shitteeee expensive red vino …I found it & took it ….guess what happened after .And it was “bug nite”….,,,Poetry……

  8. Cassidy

    Can they just go back to devouring Twilight novels while listening to God Awful music like Meghan Trainor and Rachel Patten soft rock bull crap. If you don’t like the subject matter, change the channel. Jesus.

  9. Kim

    This is the most publicity OG has had in eons! The mad-as-hell matrons are actually doing OG a favor… publicity! And as a former Darden employee, I know coming to the defense of OG tears you up inside. But it’s for a good cause.

  10. Ashley

    I just love thinking about the Olive Garden execs seeing these facebook posts and going “OH! I’ve seen the light! Ruth Patterson Jenkins has shown us the error of our ways, and since she asked so politely, we are going to pull all of our ads from this horrible abomination of a tv show! THANK YOU, RUTH!”

  11. Sharon

    I fell in love with Tom Ellis when he was on Miranda. He is just gorgeous.
    I have never watched Lucifer. I mean really, does anybody?
    The show just doesn’t sound interesting to me. Although… I might just turn it on and turn off the sound so I can feast my eyes on Mr. Ellis.
    But, then I don’t go to Olive Garden either.
    So, I guess I shouldn’t really even be commenting about this whole thing.
    Except for my “I heart Tom Ellis” thing…

    1. Janeen

      Hi Sharon. The first show just aired last nite. It was actually pretty good. See if you can catch the first one again before watching the second one.

      1. Sharon

        Thanks for the heads up!

        Are these the same people who ran around screaming over Starbuck’s cups back at Christmas?

        Any body?

  12. Janeen

    Yes this is totally bulls***. The television network has the authority of when to run an ad not the restaurant. Now Olive Garden will be doing more business hahah And viewers will want to tune in to Lucifer just to see what’s going on, so it will get higher ratings Ha! Lucifer is one sexy devil and is actually trying to do good in his mortal world if they had watched the show. I’m sure the are the same women who loved watching the original Dallas (as I) and didn’t mind at the rampage sex, backstabbing, illegal activities, just sayin’… They probably believe Joshie Duggar is still innocent and is being framed. P.S. I follow your blogs relentlessly as I worked in hospitality for a while. Kudos

    1. Me

      They’re such morons. The ad agency of record for Olive Garden makes a TV buy, based on a variety of things including current promotions, campaigns, etc. The market buyer is given restrictions (some advertisers won’t advertise in certain shows, etc) and makes the buy. These nutburgers can call every Olive Garden on the planet who will simply let corporate know (or not). Unless there is a huge reason to pull the ads, the agency won’t do anything.

      I work for an ad agency. Let them boycott all they want. It will do nothing to change the TV placement. Idiots.

  13. Jen

    This reminds me of a post I saw that stated “Don’t say LOL anymore because it now stands for Lucifer Our Lord” Come on people, really??? LOL means laughing out loud. Smh…

    1. Sharon

      I should have known!
      This explains why every time I reply with LOL to something funny on the net I can hear a little voice whispering in my ear, “Bwaaahahaha!!! Yo’ mama!”

  14. Pingback: ‘One Million Moms’ are boycotting Olive Garden over Lucifer | Fusion

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