We have all had bad meals in our lifetimes. Maybe you undercooked your Kraft macaroni and cheese or maybe your tater tots got burned. It can be very disappointing, but does anyone recall the worst meal they had in their whole entire life? Well, one man does. His name is Rocky and it happened at Cracker Barrel. According to his recent post on the Cracker Barrel Facebook page, he was driving to New Orleans from Michigan and that’s when his life of perfect meals hit a brick wall. Feeling bad for Rocky, I reached out to him (no I didn’t) to learn more about his experience. He gladly agreed to an interview (no he didn’t) and I am happy to share it with you now:
BW: Thank you, Rocky for agreeing to talk to me. I hope you don’t mind that I am recording this.
ROCKY: No, it’s fine. I think the world should hear my story. Thank you for giving me this opportunity.
BW: My pleasure. Now let’s start at the very beginning-
ROCKY: A very good place to start.
BW: What happened?
ROCKY: Well, I was driving down to New Orleans from my home in Lansing. It’s about 1000 miles and I decided I was going to stop and eat at every Cracker Barrel that I passed.
BW: And why did you decide to do that?
ROCKY: Oh, just because I’m one of those kind of guys who does crazy wacky things like that. Like one time at the grocery store, I got some grapes and ate them all before I made it to to the checkout counter. Stuff like that. I consider myself a daredevil.
BW: Ummm, okay. So anyway…
ROCKY: Well, I was eating at a Cracker Barrel in La Grange, Kentucky when I got the worst meal I have ever had. I mean, it was just awful. I couldn’t believe it. My eggs were scrambled hard when I specifically asked for them to be scrambled medium hard and my bacon was soft. I like my bacon hard. I like for it to make a crunchy sound when I bite into it. There is nothing more satisfying than sticking a big stiff piece of pork in my mouth. And I like for my biscuits to be fluffy like little bites of cumulous clouds. This one tasted like a plain ol’ biscuit.
BW: What about your coffee or orange juice, how was that?
ROCKY: I only drink Pepsi for breakfast and they serve Coke products. That was just the beginning of the worst meal of my life having to suffer through that Pepsi. So anyway, everything else about my meal was terrible. It was the worst meal I have ever had in my entire life.
BW: Well, did you ask your server to take care of it?
ROCKY: No, I did not. It is her job to instinctively know how I feel about my meal. She needs to read my mind and decipher all the goobly gop I have in my brain and just figure out when my goddam biscuit doesn’t taste like a cumulous cloud. It is at that point she should have known to bring me a new one. As for the bacon, it was pretty obvious that it didn’t make a crunching sound. She should have been within earshot of my table to determine whether or not she heard an appropriate crunch or not.
BW: So what did you do when you realized this meal was the worst one you have ever had?
ROCKY: I ate it and then I didn’t leave a tip. And then as soon as I got back into my car, I went to the Cracker Barrel Facebook page and complained. They have not responded yet, by the way.
BW: I have to be honest with you, that meal doesn’t sound that bad. You sound like you are just really picky.
ROCKY: Well, when I pay 5.99 for breakfast, I expect the very best.
BW: So are you done with Cracker Barrel now?
ROCKY: Nope. I ate lunch at another one later that day. I love Cracker Barrel. I just thought if I complained about it on Facebook, they might give me a gift card for a free hash brown or something. Hopefully, this interview will get me some attention too. If any of you Cracker Barrel managers are out there reading this, you can email me with my gift card.
BW: Thank you for your time, Rocky. Good luck with the rest of the drive to New Orleans. I hear they have some really wonderful restaurants.
ROCKY: I know they have Popeyes down there and I’m real excited about that! I love that chicken from Popeyes.
BW: Okay, we’re done here..
If there are any Cracker Barrel managers out there who want to send Rocky a gift card, please click here to reach him.
Sarah
I had the worst meal at Cracker Barrel. There were glass shards in my plate and food! But, I probably should have just sacked that up, huh. There are valid complaints, good customers, and some really crappy servers! Maybe you should ask yourself why you have so many “bad” customers…maybe the problem is on you.
Caprice Blanchard
Rocky your lame!! Next time go to an extended stay with your own little kitchenette and cook your own shit!! Nobody got time for that!!!
Alexis
This gives me flashbacks to my days working at Cracker Barrel. At least twice a week I’d get complaints about the bacon either being too crispy or not crispy enough by people who failed to actually request their bacon cooked either limp or crispy. BTW for those who want crispy bacon all we could really do to make it crisp was nuke the hell out of it. So happy to be out of there and in one of those wonderful New Orleans restaurants instead.