A Love Letter to the 20% Tippers

Fuck, I love you.

Fuck, I love you.

Dear Customers Who Tip 20%,

Roses are red, violets are blue. 20%? I love you.

Maybe I don’t say it enough, but you mean the world to me. Some people might look at our “open relationship” as questionable, but it really works for us. I appreciate that you don’t mind when I give attention to other tables because you understand that I have so much love to give that I can spread it around thicker than the mayo on your BLT that you asked to be extra crispy. My love for you is everlasting and just because I have eyes for Table 13 doesn’t mean I don’t have them for Table 12 too.

20% tippers like you make my heart flutter and skip a beat or two because you understand me. You get that I am doing my best to satisfy you and that I am not happy until you are. Sure, it may look like I don’t care very much about whether or not your burger comes out medium or medium-well, but you still reach into your wallet and tip me 20% because you know it’s the right thing to do since my hourly wage is practically non-existent. That’s what I love about our relationship. I act like I don’t care and you act like you can’t say please, but in the end, I still get your food for you and you still leave me a good tip. Ours is like a fifty-year old marriage that keeps on plugging away because of our mutual respect for one another and our ability to move on with our lives when things don’t go exactly as planned. Oops, I forgot to fill your water glass. That’s okay. Mistakes happen, right? Oops, you snapped your fingers at me, but that’s alright too because every relationship has its rocky moments and we just get through them. I forgive you for snapping your fingers at me if you promise to still tip 20% and you forgive me for forgetting your water if I promise to bring you a lemon the next time. That’s how relationships work. It’s called compromising and we are both pretty good at it. After all, I have compromised my life goals and put on an apron every day instead and you have compromised your expectations by accepting that my service is what it is.

We don’t have to buy each other gifts on Valentine’s Day or on our birthdays or even on our anniversary. Our admiration for one another exceeds the need for gifts and trinkets. The fact that we each play our role so well is enough for both of us. I will continue to take your food order and serve it to you to the best of my ability and you will carry on with the 20% tip. Our relationship is one that other will envy because we don’t fill our days with superfluous “I love you’s” that are too soon forgotten. The occasional smile and the subtle eye contact is enough most of the time, but for today, 20% tipper, I say it: I love you.

Love,
Your server

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