The Most Disgusting Politician in the Country? Yes.



Until a couple of days ago, I had never heard of Thom Tillis. The only Tillis I knew of was that country singer Mel Tillis from the 1970’s who stuttered when he talked but but not when he sang. Thom Tillis is a Republican freshman senator from North Carolina who made news this week when he declared that he was all for restaurant employees taking a poop and then not washing their hands before they served him his Old Timer’s Breakfast from Cracker Barrel. Allow me to explain.

In his argument against government over-regulation, he says that he would be perfectly fine if the government removed that silly little law that requires restaurant employees to wash their hands after using the restroom. “I don’t have any problem with Starbucks if they choose to opt out of this policy as long as they post a sign that says we don’t require our employees to wash their hands after leaving the restroom.” You can see the video here at The Washington Post. What this asshole doesn’t realize is that if he’s so against the government sticking their dirty, feces-ridden hands into businesses’ business, but then requiring them to post a sign that says they have opted out of this law is just another form of government regulation, right? They don’t have to put a sign up saying they require employees to wash their hands but they do have to put a sign up saying they don’t require employees to wash their hands. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. And I’m sorry, but washing hands is pretty fucking important when it comes to food service. According to the FDA, “Handwashing reduces the spread of pathogenic microorganisms that are transmitted through food. The hands of food employees can be colonized with microorganisms such as Staphylococcus aureus or contaminated with organisms from human fecal material, such as Norovirus, Shigella spp., hepatitis A virus, E. coli O157:H7, or Salmonella Typhi, or contaminated from raw animal foods, with E. coli O157:H7 and Salmonella spp.” That is a bunch of goobly-gook that is basically saying dirty hands are nasty.

I get what Thom “I ♥ E.coli” Tillis is saying. Maybe the government does waste a lot of time and energy creating laws that don’t do much. I mean, do we really need to have tags on pillows that say “Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law?” (By the way, if you own the pillow, you can tear those off without going to jail.) But I think Mr. Tillis made a bad analogy for his argument.

It is important that restaurant workers wash their hands and not just after going to the restroom. We should wash them all the time because how many gross napkins do we pick up every day? How many times does our thumb go into a pool of sauce that is on a plate as we are clearing it? How often do we toss silverware into a dish pit and accidentally grab the wrong end and find ourselves holding the very same fork tines that only moments before were in the mouth of that woman at Table 5 who has fucking whooping cough? Maybe requiring restaurant workers to wash their hands is just a law that should be common sense and maybe plenty of people look at the sign and shrug their shoulders before leaving the restroom with droplets of pee dripping from their fingertips. But c’mon, Thom Tillis! Admit that what you said was stupid. Yes, you think you are standing up for the rights of freedom and thank you for that, but why not deregulate things that matter? I appreciate you wanting to give people the right to choose whether or not they want to wash their hands after using the restroom, but that choice is one that can affect other people. I’m gonna be pissed if I get a side serving of fecal matter on my french fries because you took the sign out of the bathroom.

The walking talking Staph Infection also said that if restaurants put a sign up saying they did not require hand washing, that “the market will take care of that.” I suppose he means that if enough customers saw that sign, they would eventually stop going to the restaurant and the place would close down. What a great plan for economic recovery, asshole.

We’ll see what Thom “Typhus” Tillis comes up with next for helping society. Might I suggest he does away with the law that requires people to use seat belts so they can make their own decisions about being thrown out of cars? Or why not deregulate the speed limit so people can go as fast or as slow as they want? And finally, I hate that the government decides how old someone has to be before they drink alcohol. Down with that law too and kiddie cocktails for everyone! In the meantime, I hope he sits in my section soon so I can wipe my taint and then butter his toast for him. And if does sit in my section, I do not want to shake his hand.


Here is Thom Tillis’ Twitter.
Here is his Facebook page.

Tell him I said hello.




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    • Mangler

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