So many of you had a such a reaction to Doreen’s post yesterday about the Never-Ending Pasta Pass that I have asked her to respond. Thank you, Doreen! You are truly something. -BW
Hey, everybody, it’s me, Doreen again. I’m the one who wrote yesterday’s post about how excited I am for the Never-Ending Pasta Pass and I must say that so many of you are rude with a capitol R.
I was so happy when Bitchy Waiter reached out to me to write about it, but I did not expect the negative feedback. I can’t help it if I love Olive Garden. If they are going to practically give away their pasta for free, I am going to take advantage of it. It took me over an hour to get through on their website and even after I added the Pasta Pass to my cart and paid for it, I didn’t get a confirmation email for almost five hours. Those were the longest five hours I have ever spent in my entire life, with the exception of the time the escalator at the mall got stuck halfway up and I just had to stand there until they figured out to turn it on again. I still haven’t gotten my Pasta Pass and, yes, I do hope it’s made of metal and yes I did crochet a holder for it, so for those of you don’t like it, you can just F off, thank you very much.
Yesterday, I saw that a lot of people were putting their Pasta Pass on eBay and getting almost twice as much as they paid for it and I must admit that greed got the best of me and I put mine up for auction as well. Since I didn’t have the card yet, I scanned a picture of my email confirmation for proof that it was on the way. Within a couple of hours, I had seven bids and it was up to $129.99. I felt like a real entrepreneur. I called in sick to work yesterday so I could watch my auction. I figured that Hobby Lobby could do without me for one day and I was already going to make more money on my Pasta Pass than I would for eight hours of work. I have never called in sick before and I felt bad about it because yesterday was the day we had scheduled to rotate the yarn section, but I felt like the eBay auction was more important. By 4:00, the Pasta Pass was up to $175!! Yes, I was going to miss out on all that delicious pasta and maybe not get to see Elliot the manager, but the bidding was intoxicating and I got sucked into it. Then, at about 5:00, I got an email from a woman named Tara Gray who is in charge of all the Olive Gardens. It said, “We’re working with eBay to notify both buyers and sellers that the Never Ending Pasta Passes are non-transferable and may not be resold. To ensure that everyone who has purchased a pass can enjoy Never Ending Pasta Bowl, we encourage guests who have questions about their pass to contact our Guest Relations team by phone or on social media.” That email took the wind right out of me and I felt like I was on a roller coaster ride of emotion. First I was excited about eating at Olive Garden every day for 49 days and then I was excited about maybe making $100 off of the card instead and then I was devastated to see that I would not be making money after all and I was out of a day at work because of my greed. I canceled the auction and now I am trying to get excited about having the Pasta Pass as all mine again.
It should be here in a couple of days and I will embrace it as mine. I hope that Olive Garden can forgive me for even thinking about selling it to someone else. That was foolish of me and I know that now. This Never-Ending Pasta Pass will change my life for 49 days and when November 9th rolls around and I am eating my last bowl of Alfredo pasta, I will be sad to know that I will not use my card anymore. I will probably save it or frame it and always look back at those days as the most special time of my life. There are only 1,000 of us in the whole entire galaxy who have been honored with this blessing and I was going to throw it away for an extra $79. How foolish of me.
And for those of you who called me a fat ass or a cheap bitch, I don’t care what you think about me. I love my size and my cats love me and that’s all that matters. As far as tipping goes, I still don’t know why I would leave a tip if I don’t even get a bill. Does that even make sense to anyone? Am I the only one around here who has any brains at all? If I order a dessert, I will tip on that, okay? An order of the chocolate mousse cake is about $7.00 and 10% of that would only be seventy cents, but since all of you think I am so effing cheap, I will round it up to a dollar. So get off my back about that. The only think I want on my back is my fat.
Hopefully after I get my Pasta Pass, Bitchy Waiter will let me write again. If not, I understand. This is is his blog, not mine. I might just start my own though and call it “49 Days of Heaven” and it will be about each of my meals at Olive Garden.
Thank you for reading. And to Olive Garden: I love you and I’m sorry I tried to sell my Pasta Pass.
Federal Way, WA checking in. Our Olive Garden and Hobby Lobby share a parking lot; found Doreen’s heaven.
I wonder how much weight a person would gain by eating 2 meals at day at Olive Garden. Assuming they wouldn’t clog an artery before 11/9.
Loved both of these posts!
You’ve done it again BW – confused the masses into thinking this chick is real.
Satire. A dying art evidently.
I wonder if she’s going to switch up which Olive Garden she’s going to. If she keeps going to the same one she’ll be recognized and there’s no telling what they’ll do to her food lmfao
Alfredo isn’t pasta.
This blog has made my day !! Thank you for a good laugh
You piqued my curiosity about it so…*looks at ebay* *back at post* *back at ebay* I quit. This shit’s over $150 with like 20+ bids. oy, so that part’s real life lol. Although…49 days of fat kid food sounds magnificent 😛
Guess it’s ok to call in sick to work at Hobby Lobby unless, of course, it’s morning sickness.
No, Hobby Lobby is pro life. Morning sickness would be a perfect excuse to call in sick – unless of course she was one of those dirty, unmarried whores who had sex before marriage.
Then she would just be fired.
[and no, just so no one jumps – I don’t think people who have sex before marriage are dirty or whores. Okay?]
ya can’t fix stoopid, can ya, bitchy? guess you have to put a WARNING – THE FOLLOWING POST IS SATIRE in bold at the top.
I make my own fucking pasta marinara at home for $3 for 2 adults. turkey meatballs or ground turkey add-ins cost more per person.
This. Made. My. Day.
Thank you for the entertainment 😉
It’s satire people……probably from a fellow server who works at the Olive Garden and knows what she is up against. I found it hysterical!
You do trip on the bill, you tip on the service! The server still has to bring you the pasta and your drink!!!
WHY ARE YOU ALL SO STUPID
And the server is supposed to serve you for free??? What goes around comes around, and you will pay oneway or another. And maybe five times more of what you were supposed to tip the server.
Do you seriously not understand that this is a joke…?
Thanks Bitchy for letting her share her thoughts. It is appreciated.
Wow! You idiots really don’t comprehend sarcasm and satire, do ya? How sad…
Too funny, isn’t it?
Sadly they are the ones reproducing the most.
you have to tip because you are taking up a table you are taking up your servers time plus she still has to tip out on that pasta your eating which means it cost the server for you to eat . the server has to still bring you a drink and refill it has to bring you the pasta and wrap up one for you to take home. and she has to put up with your shitty attitude.she desserved the tip.
I dont care if you go out to eat and all u get is a water….YOU TIP ON SERVICE!!! (not only on total check) DUH! In all aciuality, if u tip under 10% or just decide to leave nothing….u just cost that server $$. YUP! They just paid for u to come in and eat/drink. Dont keep being an idiot. Learn….ask the servers…they’ll tell ya how it works.