“I’m all alone!”
Since I have no life, I spend most of my free time Googling things about waiters and Facebook stalking chain restaurants to see what I can write about. I’m not proud of this fact, but it happens. As I was scrolling through the Facebook page of Olive Garden, I came across the saddest most depressing Facebook post ever and it made me want to write about it. I have posted it below, but it will probably get deleted by the end of the day. The post comes from someone named Roma who writes:
Poor, poor Roma. Destined to live her life alone eating out at Olive Garden and being denied the privilege of getting discount. As if being single isn’t bad enough, Roma has to be slapped in the face by Olive Garden to remind her that she is ALONE! Olive Garden responded to unescorted Roma explaining that she can use the discount for one meal and get $2 off, but Party For One Roma told them that she was denied!
I wasn’t there, but I imagine it went like this:
Waiter: Welcome to Olive Garden! My name is Skip and I will be your server this evening. Can I start you off with a something to drink? Or perhaps you would like some classic calamari or spicy shrimp scampi to nibble on while you wait for your husband, boyfriend, life partner, significant other or soulmate.
Roma: Oh, I’ll just have water with extra lemon to drink, but I’m not waiting on anyone. It’s just me tonight.
Waiter: What?
Roma: I don’t have a boyfriend, so I’m eating all alone. Unless you let cats eat in the restaurant. Do you? Because Mr. Mittens is in the car!
Waiter: Oh, you’re alone. Did you tell the hostess that when she seated you here because usually we put the single people in the back of the restaurant by the bathrooms.
Roma: No, I didn’t. And I asked to sit here. Is that alright?
Waiter: Ummm, lemme go talk to my manager.
(The waiter rushes off to the sidestand and whispers something into the ear of another server who then looks at Roma and begins to laugh. The waiter returns to the table.)
Waiter: Yeah, so, you’re alone…do you mean that you aren’t even dating anyone? Because here at Olive Garden, you’re family, but one person does not a family make.
Roma: Well, Mr. Mittens is like my family, does that count?
Waiter: No, that’s sad. Lemme just get your order right quick so we can get you out of here as quickly as possible before anyone sees that you eat all alone. What would you like?
Roma: Well, I have this email coupon for four dollars off of two entrees so I thought that I could use it for just me and get two dollars off instead. Is that alright?
Waiter: No, that coupon is only for people who have managed to form some kind of relationship with another living being other than a cat. You can’t use that.
Roma: I don’t understand. I’m not asking for four dollars off of two entrees, just two dollars off of one. What’s wrong with that?
Waiter: What’s wrong with that? Well, it’s just sad, that’s all. You’re all alone-
Roma: I have Mr. Mittens!
Waiter: -and you come marching in here and want to sit at a table right in the front of the restaurant where everyone can see you detached and forsaken and you want a discount too? It’s just pathetic and I feel sorry for you. Why don’t you let me order your food to go? You can go sit in your car with your cat and I’ll bring it out as soon as it’s ready.
Roma: Well, can I get two dollars off?
Waiter: No.
Roma: This is awful! I’m going to go home to my computer and go to the Olive Garden Facebook page and complain about this. It’s discriminatory to deny me the privilege of getting a discount just because I choose to be single!
Waiter: Honey, everybody knows you didn’t choose to be single and if you are going to spend any time on a computer, I would suggest using that time to create an account on Match.com. Word of advice though: be really mindful about your profile picture; maybe use a filter or something. And don’t mention Mr. Mittens.
Roma: I have never been so insulted in all my life! I am never coming back here again!
Waiter: Okay, thanks for coming in. Keep in mind that our Never Ending Pasta Bowl promotion will be starting again soon, so keep an eye out for an email reminder about that. Hopefully you’ll have a boyfriend by then. Buh bye.
UPDATE: It appears that the Facebook comment was deleted less than 12 hours after I posted this blog. -BW
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cassandra
That’s the lamest shit I have ever read on a blog, wow . get a life!!! And for instance she could ask for the 2$ off one entree. Most of time we accommodate to any desires. Geez
Jess
Well, u look like a cheap bitch. Latina? Hispanic? Yep there it is
Jarandine
If we ritually slaughtered everyone who asked for water with extra lemon, the world would be a marginally better place.
Jim Lowman
* seated, not sat
Brought to you by the friendly grammar police.
The Bitchy Waiter
Correction noted. My friend Brad usually will catch me on that particular faux pas because he hates it. Thank you.
Jim Lowman
You’re welcome. I’m with Brad on this one.
Fingernails –> blackboard
Jamie
Actually, Darden policy is that for single diners with one of those coupons, it’s still good, but you only get $2 off your meal. Yanno. Cuz half of 4 is 2.
She’s an idiot. And if the server didn’t explain that, then they weren’t properly trained.
Jamie
Delete that comment plz thanks. lolol
Suburbanrockdoll
Heh they take half off the coupons for singles, Roma!!
BobbyAnn
This is SO something my sister would do [sans the cat].
She was shopping at JCPenny’s one day and saw their in-store ad stating “Open an account today and receive 15% off your entire purchase.”
Except my sister has sucky credit and couldn’t qualify for a debit card. Still, she approached the manager and said “I don’t want a credit card but why aren’t *I* entitled to the 15% just because *I* don’t want to incur interest charges?” [Because we all know you couldn’t PAY the interest charges?] The manager actually ACCEPTED her argument and let her have the 15% off what she was buying.
She visited me later and just crowed about how “smart” she was for getting the discount without opening an account. I replied “They do that specifically to get you to incur the interest charges. And besides Laura you weren’t actually truthful, you couldn’t qualify for the card anyway – and it is a lousy department store card. They qualify pets for goodness sakes.”
She didn’t talk to me for 6 months [thank you Jesus!] and did I mention my sister is an accountant?
I knew she was a whiny brat in the store and the manager just did it to get her out of his hair. Oh, and she was 43 at the time.
Sigh. That’s sad.
Bananas in Pyjamas
What is it with accountants being terrible at managing their money? I worked with an accountant and she was always spending money on useless things. Her credit was so bad, she opened up credit cards under her children’s names and because of her, now they have bad credit too.
PDL
Guess it depends on the accountant – my father is one and he uses this program to classify every credit card expense and bill by category. I think it’s a little crazy but I wouldn’t mind being able to do that myself.
Krista
“why shouldn’t I get pentalized”
Roma dear, it’s WHY SHOULD I, and PENALIZED.
Her reading (of the coupon) is clearly as poor as her spelling.
Poor, poor Roma.
Alison Miller
love it!
Anna
“I have Mr. Mittens” LMAO!!