Since I have no life, I spend most of my free time Googling things about waiters and Facebook stalking chain restaurants to see what I can write about. I’m not proud of this fact, but it happens. As I was scrolling through the Facebook page of Olive Garden, I came across the saddest most depressing Facebook post ever and it made me want to write about it. I have posted it below, but it will probably get deleted by the end of the day. The post comes from someone named Roma who writes:
Poor, poor Roma. Destined to live her life alone eating out at Olive Garden and being denied the privilege of getting discount. As if being single isn’t bad enough, Roma has to be slapped in the face by Olive Garden to remind her that she is ALONE! Olive Garden responded to unescorted Roma explaining that she can use the discount for one meal and get $2 off, but Party For One Roma told them that she was denied!
I wasn’t there, but I imagine it went like this:
Waiter: Welcome to Olive Garden! My name is Skip and I will be your server this evening. Can I start you off with a something to drink? Or perhaps you would like some classic calamari or spicy shrimp scampi to nibble on while you wait for your husband, boyfriend, life partner, significant other or soulmate.
Roma: Oh, I’ll just have water with extra lemon to drink, but I’m not waiting on anyone. It’s just me tonight.
Roma: I don’t have a boyfriend, so I’m eating all alone. Unless you let cats eat in the restaurant. Do you? Because Mr. Mittens is in the car!
Waiter: Oh, you’re alone. Did you tell the hostess that when she seated you here because usually we put the single people in the back of the restaurant by the bathrooms.
Roma: No, I didn’t. And I asked to sit here. Is that alright?
Waiter: Ummm, lemme go talk to my manager.
(The waiter rushes off to the sidestand and whispers something into the ear of another server who then looks at Roma and begins to laugh. The waiter returns to the table.)
Waiter: Yeah, so, you’re alone…do you mean that you aren’t even dating anyone? Because here at Olive Garden, you’re family, but one person does not a family make.
Roma: Well, Mr. Mittens is like my family, does that count?
Waiter: No, that’s sad. Lemme just get your order right quick so we can get you out of here as quickly as possible before anyone sees that you eat all alone. What would you like?
Roma: Well, I have this email coupon for four dollars off of two entrees so I thought that I could use it for just me and get two dollars off instead. Is that alright?
Waiter: No, that coupon is only for people who have managed to form some kind of relationship with another living being other than a cat. You can’t use that.
Roma: I don’t understand. I’m not asking for four dollars off of two entrees, just two dollars off of one. What’s wrong with that?
Waiter: What’s wrong with that? Well, it’s just sad, that’s all. You’re all alone-
Roma: I have Mr. Mittens!
Waiter: -and you come marching in here and want to sit at a table right in the front of the restaurant where everyone can see you detached and forsaken and you want a discount too? It’s just pathetic and I feel sorry for you. Why don’t you let me order your food to go? You can go sit in your car with your cat and I’ll bring it out as soon as it’s ready.
Roma: Well, can I get two dollars off?
Roma: This is awful! I’m going to go home to my computer and go to the Olive Garden Facebook page and complain about this. It’s discriminatory to deny me the privilege of getting a discount just because I choose to be single!
Waiter: Honey, everybody knows you didn’t choose to be single and if you are going to spend any time on a computer, I would suggest using that time to create an account on Match.com. Word of advice though: be really mindful about your profile picture; maybe use a filter or something. And don’t mention Mr. Mittens.
Roma: I have never been so insulted in all my life! I am never coming back here again!
Waiter: Okay, thanks for coming in. Keep in mind that our Never Ending Pasta Bowl promotion will be starting again soon, so keep an eye out for an email reminder about that. Hopefully you’ll have a boyfriend by then. Buh bye.
UPDATE: It appears that the Facebook comment was deleted less than 12 hours after I posted this blog. -BW