Don’t be this guy.
Something happened to me a few days ago that has never happened to me before and no, I am not talking about waking up without a hangover. That will happen someday, but it just hasn’t happened yet. It was something at work that floored me and made me question a customer more than I have ever done before.
At the club, I am very busy with about thirty covers in my section. That may not sound like a lot, but keep in mind that everyone gets to the club at the same time for the show and they all have to order and consume their two-drink minimum within the course of the sixty minute performance. It can get a little hairy and this night was hairier than Romeo Rose before his bi-weekly waxing appointment.
The man at Table 43 orders a Jack Daniels and soda and tells me that is what he would like for his second drink as well. I always appreciate when a customer can tell me their second drink in advance so that I don’t have to bother them during the show and I can just bring it to them when their first drink is finished. Halfway through the show, I see that his first drink is almost empty so I ring in his second round. A few minutes later, I am winding my way through the crowd, in the dark, carrying a tray with six drinks on it. I place his glass in front of him and continue on. When I get back to the bar to ring in some more drinks, the hostess makes her way over to me.
“Table 43 says there’s no alcohol in his drink,” she says.
“No alcohol? It’s Jack and soda- wait, how do you know? I didn’t see him come out of the showroom.”
“He told me.”
“When?” I ask.
“Just now. On the phone. He called to tell me to to tell you there’s no alcohol in his drink.”
Yes, ladies and gentleman, this man called the hostess to complain. Despite the fact that there is a live performance happening within twenty feet of him and despite the fact that we announce to turn off all cell phones as a courtesy to the performer, this man pulled his cell phone out of his asshole and Googled the number to the club so that he could call and complain rather than just waiting three or four minutes for me to walk past his table which would allow him to tell me himself.
Are we living in a world that immediate gratification and response is now a necessity? Does no one have any patience anymore? We expect things to happen instantly. Fifteen years ago, we left messages on answering machines and expected a return call within a day or so. Now, if we text someone and they don’t text back in ten seconds we think, “Where the fuck are they?? Why are they ignoring me?” This man couldn’t wait even a fucking minute before he needed his problem attended to?
I ask the bartender to make me another Jack and soda and make my way back into the room. As soon as I step inside, I can see the man at Table 43 waving his arms at me as if he is drowning and needs a life preserver thrown at his ass. I have his drink on my tray. When I get to the table, before I have a chance to say anything, he tells me with urgency, “You brought the wrong drink. This is just soda!””
“Yes sir, I got your message. I must have picked up the wrong glass. I’m sorry about that. Is there anything else you need right now?” I ask as I remove the offending glass of soda water.
“No, I’m fine,” he says.
When I get back to the bar, I can see that the glass has only soda in it and he is right. I either picked up the glass before the bartender had finished making the drink or someone who only wanted soda water is now drinking some Jack Daniels. Freely I can admit I made a mistake, but what bothers me is that he needed it fixed immediately. I hear the phone ring and watch the hostess answer it, half expecting it to be Table 43 asking for some napkins. It isn’t but then I think how much fun it would be to go to the phone to look at the caller ID history and call Table 43 myself.
“Hello, it’s your server. Is everything alright? Do you need anything? How’s your drink? Are you ready for your check? You can tell me your credit card information over the phone and then I can email you a copy of your receipt. PUT YOUR DAMN CELL PHONE AWAY! You are at a live performance!”
After the show is over, the man leaves me a fine tip. He appears to have not given a second thought to having called the hostess to complain which makes me think it’s the norm for him. I can see him at the grocery store wandering around aisle five looking for baked beans and calling the store to have someone direct him to the canned goods. Or maybe when he is in line at the bank, he calls the teller ahead of time to let her know to get his deposit slip ready. I bet when there is a long line at the drive-thru, he calls from his car so that when he gets to the menu and microphone he’s like, “I already placed my order, don’t waste my time.”
Am I overreacting here or was this man just a tad impatient? If I can wait years to wake up without a hangover, can’t he wait five minutes until I come back to his table to see if everything is alright?
Jane
One could try and argue this if the fucker hadn’t been AT A LIVE SHOW. Not cool unless you’re dialing 911 for a legit reason.
Miz*G
I just discovered your blog 2 days ago, and I’ve been reading backwards since. I had to comment on this one. I’ll admit to doing this at the movie theatre on occasion. I’m friendly with the protectionist and if there’s no sound or no picture or something,I call or text them because it’s easier than finding someone who can radio. But in this case, I’d have smacked him if he was near me and pulled out his phone. Have some damn patience.
Joshua A.
I had an owner that would pull that shit all the time. He would sit on his patio with his buddies and call me at the bar all the time to tell me they needed something. Firstly I was the bartender and it wasn’t my job to go out to the patio so all he did was waste my time and keep me from serving paying customers (this owner rarely paid). Secondly, we had waitresses and they went out their often enough, but if a new friend of his showed up and didn’t immediately have a drink he was on that phone. Asshole.
LaFawne
the guy was rude. should not be using the cell phone during the performance and should have at least waited until you came back through.
on another note, is it wrong that I find it hilarious that the ad directly below this story was for Mormon.org? stating that Mormons don’t drink or smoke?
I know the ads are random and rotate but it was just so perfect that the Mormon one was showing when I first viewed this story….
PCC
Yes, BW, you are overreacting. Yes, it is not something I would do, but it’s no big deal, either.
Chadwick
No he is not. That is foul behavior.
PurpleDave
I’ve called the bar’s number and placed a drink order before; but, only at my regular bar and as a joke with a bar-tender I’ve known for over 10 years. I certainly wouldn’t consider doing it during a live performance or with someone I didn’t know REALLY well…
Amanda
My mother-in-law did that once. After we were sat, it took a while for our server to come to the table, so she whips out her cell phone and calls the restaurant to ask when we’re going to get service. I wanted to crawl under the table.
anne marie in philly
sweet FSM, that is rude to the max! that person has no manners or conscience.
ShezAnEnigma
drive thru*
ShezAnEnigma
Well, I have to say I have never had a person at a table call my restaurants to get my attention. lol. However I have sat behind a car for 20 minutes or longer while they had their order prepared at Jack N The Box. All I wanted was a damn soda. I did call them to ask why the person was not directed to wait in the drive thru spot allotted for extra long orders. I was informed that they had been directed to do so, and they refused to move. Which made me want to slash their tires. At that point I couldn’t get out of the line to just walk in. I was late to where I was going. Well, you live and learn, and I do not go through the drive through for ‘just soda’ any longer. I will take my happy ass inside.
Kat
I had something similar happen. A guy had just shown up with his dog to sit outside, I went out to get his drink order and while I was pouring out he called the kitchen to place his food order. Really? You couldn’t wait for me to walk back outside? And it’s not like we were slammed or anything, he was the only person there.
Cherry
I’ve had a few regulars at my restaurant call me at the Host stand from their tables to ask me to turn the ceiling fans down, or to find their server, or to call the IT technicians to fix their betting machines, or have the heat turned up in the restaurant. It doesn’t shock me at all.
Susan
Rude & impatient but honestly,just a product of the times we live in. Courtesy has gone the way of dial-up and everyone seems to think that all phones should be put away in public, except for theirs. I was at the opera a few weeks ago (the OPERA FFS!) and even after the stage-manager announced that all electronic devices should be turned off and that filming/photography of any sort were not allowed, the two divas in front of us still whipped them out & started recording. Beyond rude. Also illegal.
At least he wasn’t a belligerent ass with a phone.
suzu
that bitch be cray cray.
Lynn
No that’s ridiculous and hilarious at the same time. Having the hostess be a call center for the customers is brilliant and should be the next wave of restaurant evolution. Have a complaint? Leave a message with the host. More lemons? Ring the host. Ready for the dessert? You know who to call. While we are at it, why don’t we just have them text the kitchen their order? I think I would like this system very much.