A Comment on Comments, the Troll Edition

A Comment on Comments

A Comment on Comments

First off, let me apologize for the lack of new blog posts lately. Life is a little crazy right now because my bathroom is being renovated and I have not been living in my apartment. Currently, my toilet is in the living room and my bathroom is a pit that we refer to as Deathly Hallows. Needless to say, sitting at a dust-covered computer and writing hasn’t been a top priority. That being said, I posted a picture today on the Bitchy Waiter Facebook Page that elicited some comments that I need to respond to. The photo is that of a table in a restaurant that is covered in a mess because a child decided to put more food on the floor than in its face. It’s not just a few crumbs that fell onto the floor, it looks like mac and cheese and other pieces of crap that the parents had to see were being carelessly tossed to the floor through out the meal.

Asshole Baby Alert

Asshole Baby Alert

A troll came out from under his bridge and left several comments about the photo. This troll I shall call Bilbo Baggins, no offense to Hobbits. According to Bilbo’s Facebook profile, he works in a restaurant, judging by his profile picture, he has a little girl and based on the fact that he left at least twenty comments over the course of an hour, he has even less of a life than I do. Observe, the musings of Bilbo Baggins:

“As a fellow restaurant worker this post borders on entitlement. Do your job.” Yes, Bilbo, we will do our jobs, but we ask that parents do their job as well which involves teaching their children some fucking manners. We all know that if a kid was at home and threw his food around like a chimp throws his poop, the parents wouldn’t stand for it. Letting them do it in a restaurant means that the parents don’t care about anyone except themselves.

“I shouldn’t have to take five seconds to clean up crumbs.” Umm, look at that picture, Bilbo. That is not a five second job. How the hell does one sweep up macaroni and cheese? It’s not that simple. Even if you can get that shit into a dust pan, you still have to go back and wipe the floor. Five seconds my ass. And it takes even less time to just tell the kid, “Stop throwing your fucking food.”

“OMG did you guys call OSHA?” No, I doubt that anyone called the Occupational Safety and Health Administration but it sounds like someone did call the Overly Secure Hot-Headed Asshole club to let Bilbo know his comments were needed on the Internet.

“You guys should quit and go work in a coal mine.” Oh, right, Bilbo, like it’s so easy to apply for a job at a coal mine…

“Jesus Christ this new breed of servers are entitled pussies. It’s goddamn crumbs. People give you cash to press buttons and you bitch about a two minute job that you will probably just pass on to the busboy anyway. What are the crumbs taking time away from your fifth smoke break in 3 hours?” Okay, I see that Bilbo has reconsidered the length of time it would take to sweep this up and it has been increased by an additional 115 seconds. And by the way, I don’t have busboys at my job so sweeping is my responsibility. And I don’t smoke either. I can still be an entitled pussy if I don’t have a busboy and don’t smoke, right?

“When I’m out to eat I also order my own food, put it in the computer and cook it . I don’t want to be an asshole and actually make the people that work there actually so stuff.” Oh, I get it you’re being sarcastic. I can be sarcastic too, Bilbo, watch. That was so funny. You are just so witty and your comments are deep and thoughtful and create great impact on everyone who reads them.

“I also tip 40% so they can blow all their tips of drugs and alcohol when their shift is over.” No one who claims to tip 40% ever even comes close to tipping 40%. I bet your penis is nine inches long too, right?

“I hope you servers didn’t get black lung from sweeping up those crumbs.” It’s mac and cheese. The lungs wouldn’t be black, they would be Kraft yellow.

“I’ve been a server and a bartender for 15 years and this shit pisses me off. It’s an amazing job to have for people who didn’t go to college, artists, working class etc.
If you’re fortunate enough to land a job at a busy place you can make a comfortable living.” I couldn’t agree with you more, Bilbo. Where we disagree is on the idea that parents should at least make some effort to have their children behave and show some fucking respect to servers. The privilege of eating out doesn’t mean that people should do things that they wouldn’t find offensive in their own home. If those parents had some friends over for dinner and their friends’ baby left a pile of crap under their dining room table, you think they’d be okay with that? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

“STFU and be happy with the great job that you have. There are people working in much harder jobs who make half the money who would love to clean up crumbs for a hundred dollars a night.”  Oh, is this a coal mine reference again?

“You could work in a 90 degree warehouse for minimum wage you whiny brats.” Or worse, you could work in a coal mine, right Bilbo?

“Seriously, if sweeping up crumbs under a table offends you so much you are a loser of epic proportions with zero real world perspective. You should be forced to go work in a coal mine for minimum wage.” I am beginning to think that Bilbo works for a coal mine recruitment company and wants us to submit resumes to the human resources department of Coal Mines R Us.

“Yes block him (me) , he doesn’t understand the persecution of having to take 5 minutes to sweep up crumbs.” And ladies and gentleman, it now takes five minutes to sweep up crumbs! It gets more and more difficult with every post.

I can’t anymore with Bilbo Baggins. Every time I go back to the post, he has left another comment. Thank you, Bilbo, for all your insight. I didn’t know what I was going to write about today, but your comments made it abundantly clear. Now go back under your bridge and forage for your own food because I am done feeding you.



15 thoughts on “A Comment on Comments, the Troll Edition

  1. Julie

    We can only hope he tips 40% for real cuz I’m gonna tip my busboy extra for having to clean up his punk ass kids mess.

    And fuck him for the real job comment…I worked in a “real” corporate job for over 20 years…had all the fringe benefits of medical, dental, paid time off, holidays and weekends, made over 100k a year. Unfortunately i was just a number to them so when the economy took a shit and all the corrupt CEO’s and COO’s continued to make millions of dollars a year, i was laid off with zero severance. Fuck corporate America and the attitudes of people like this guy. I may not have all the fringe benefits or the income I used to but….

    I have found my passion in bartending. I’m happier and have WAY more ME time cuz I work a maximum of 6 hours a day, make my money, walk out the door knowing tomorrow is a new day! Service people are saints.

  2. Joey B

    I hate when ppl think it’s ” cute” when the kid gets pasta and sauce all over their face .I raised my 2 younger brothers in a hardly functional home .I was 7 when it started . But I never saw them throwing a tantrum or food on the floor .I was a Mother at 7 . Knew what to do . Took really good care of them . I have no child of my own , cuz I’ ve done it already , but believe me -today’s parents want to be just friends w/their crotch fruit . NO -get educated and be a Fucking Pack Leader and be a good one .

  3. White Russian

    If I go to Walmart, buy 10 bottles of pasta sauce and then smash them off the floor in the middle of the store – am I an asshole? I paid for the product, the store’s made its money and the employees have to clean if there’s a mess – its part of their job. I guess i’d be an asshole anyways.
    If I go to a waterpark and pee in each and every pool, and then throw my shit all over the restroom – am I an asshole? I paid the admission fee. Cleaning up is their responsibility. Yes, I’m an asshole.
    If I go to movies and throw my popcorn around leaving the popcorn every-fucking-where – am I an asshole? There’s that little guy that walks around the auditorium after the showing and its his job to sweep up that popcorn, so there’s nothing wrong with it, huh?

    All those acts would be deemed inappropriate, disrespectful and ignorant in any other establishment/place of business. Restaurant is no different. Yes, we will sweep it, and it is our job, but it all can be avoided with a little grain of respect on customers’ part.
    And if I don’t have to fuck around with cleaning your mess, I can provide better service for the entire room. Because my place doesn’t have busboys or foodrunners. Or trash people. Or cleaners. It only has me for $2.13 an hour and I’m expected to do it all while smiling and pampering your fucking ignorant ass.
    Coal mine my ass. It ain’t 17th century anymore – most times you need to have specific education, have experience in the field and know how to use specific machinery – yes, bitch, machinery, they’re not doing it all by hand still. It takes time and money to get there first.

  4. Ashley

    If the coal miners don’t like what they do then maybe they should quit their jobs and get a different one. Those coal miners are so entitled. They just need to mine the coal and NEVER EVER not once complain about any part of their job because that is just not acceptable. I’m going to find a website dedicated to coal miners who vent about their jobs and totally just go off on them.

    (The sarcasm is strong here 😉 )

  5. anne marie

    bratleys are pigs because the parents DON’T PARENT! they wanna be friends with the brat instead of the adult.

  6. BobbyAnn

    There is no way, no how this guys was ever a server or a bartender. The trolls think they’re getting craftier by claiming our profession, but anyone that has done this job for more than one shift would have something to say about the mess the parents left because they could’t be bothered to discipline their offspring.

    The parents may well let their kids do the same thing at home, and even clean it up – I think their thinking is along the same lines as going out to eat “Well, tonight I am going to pay someone else to cook. serve and clean up, so let’s show the world the PIGS that we are! Woohoo!”

    No person with common decency and base line parenting skills would allow their kid to do this. And if they did? They would clean it up.

    Some people just aren’t raised right. This angry troll included.

  7. tinabean

    I’m not understanding how the SERVERS are being called the “entitled” ones. clearly these parents (slobs) think they are above human decency. I would be ashamed of myself if I had left a mess like that behind. Mainly because I’m a good person who actually has CONSIDERATION for others. I realize this is a hard concept for some people to grasp. It’s a shame really

    1. Nikki

      I have been serving for 8 years now doing the graveyard shift with 3 kids at home. And whoever says serving is easy can kiss my butt. I would never let my kids make a mess like that when we go out and if they do I always ask the server for a broom and I do clean it up myself. I work by myself in a busy restaurant from 10 p.m. To 6 a.m. I am the server,busboy and cashier and I don’t have time to clean up the extra mess their kids leave. I also do with a lot of drunk people that are worse than kids and having to clean up the throw up. so yes be respectful to your servers it’s not an easy job.

  8. Elle Chanel

    This poor bastard can’t help that he was born hideous. Then he got fat, and that penis just ain’t gonna grow anymore honey!! They have surgery for your many inadequecies.


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