An Open Letter to the Barefoot Kid at Table 15

nasty, nasty, nasty
nasty, nasty, nasty

Dear Little Boy Who is Running Around the Restaurant in Bare Feet,

Your mom is an idiot. If she even knows who your dad is, he is probably an idiot too. What kind of person thinks it’s alright to take the shoes off of a three-year old kid and let him run around in a restaurant? Your mom, that’s who. And she’s a fucking idiot. Yes, I get that you were whining about having to wear shoes and it was easier for her to just pull them off and let you go, but guess what, kid. I don’t like wearing shoes either, but I deal with it. Life is full of responsibilities like paying rent, buying groceries and wearing fucking shoes in restaurants. Grow up, little asshole.

It’s not that I am against seeing your cute little piggies, really. It’s just that I worry about your safety. These floors at work are nasty. Just last week, someone broke a glass right where you were standing. I swept it up, but between you and me, I did a total half-assed job. For all I know, there were slivers of glass all over the fucking place. I could have done a better job, but I remember thinking, “Aww fuck it. It’s not like people walk around in here barefoot or anything.”  But then here you are, little three-year old. Do you have any slivers of glass in your tootsies yet? If you do, I’m almost sure that your whore mom is too busy drinking her White Zinfandel to pull her lips away from the glass for two minutes to give you a Band-Aid or anything, so beware.

By the way, the floors are also dirty. Like, really dirty. You know who’s in charge of keeping the floors clean? I am and you already know that I did a half-assed job with the cleaning of the broken glass. Imagine what kind of job I do when I mop. When I mop, I do a quarter-ass job. Sometimes I don’t even use any Murphy’s Oil Soap because the bottle is too far away from where I have to fill the mop bucket with water. And sometimes, all I do is pour enough water onto the mop to make it damp so that my manager will see it and assume that I mopped, Yes, what I am saying is that the floor is as disgusting as the bottom of a chicken coop. Some days I don’t even sweep because I learned that walking around the restaurant before we open gives the illusion that I am sweeping and that’s good enough. When you get home, your mom may be surprised at how dirty the soles of your lil’ baby feet are. Then again, if she’s letting you run around in here barefoot, she obviously doesn’t care about your feet or anything else. Judging by the way she is eyeing that wine bottle, the only thing she cares about is getting her buzz on.

Look, kid, you’re adorable with the food stains all over your shirt and that milk mustache you have had since you came in. I love how your hair is sorta matted down on one side and that scab on your elbow is super cute. You’re really working that whole 90’s grunge/homeless kid look. I just wanted you to know that it might be in your best interest to put on some damn shoes. If your mother doesn’t care, please know that I do. I truly care about you, kid.

If you are too young to read this, I apologize. Just give this letter to your mom and if she is comfortable reading something other than the side of a box of wine, she can read this instead. Oh fuck, I just acknowledged that you can’t read and I kept on going with all these words that you can’t understand. Fuck. Oh, I’m sorry, I have been cursing to you. That was wrong of me. Wait, you can’t read, so whatever the fuck. Fuck it. Just put on your goddamn mother fucking shoes, asshole.

The Bitchy Waiter.

I wait tables and bitch about it on my blog, The Bitchy Waiter.

52 thoughts on “An Open Letter to the Barefoot Kid at Table 15

  1. What’s up,I check your new stuff named “An Open Letter to the Barefoot Kid at Table 15 | the bitchy waiter” regularly.Your story-telling style is witty, keep it up! And you can look our website about free proxy.

  2. I visited this blog randomly two years ago. Now I read the comments and think…

    What next? Dr. Zaius promulgating the virtues of eating bananas whilst hanging topsides off a tree? It’s not like he wouldn’t know I mean he’s our president.

  3. Bare feet are healthy feet . They don’t smell because they are open to the fresh air. The bottoms of bare feet are no dirtier than the bottoms of most shoes. Bare feet are washed more often than most shoes. It really feels amazing to walk barefoot in a grocery store with all of the different textures and temperatures. My clothing is clean and I’m clean , I’m just barefoot.

  4. The disgust with bare feet in public is a social construct with little actual reason behind it. It exists strongly in some countries like the US and less so in others. In New Zealand, a first world English speaking country much like the US, it is common to walk around barefoot in public places, including restaurants in some cases. I’m not talking about pubs or fancy dress up places, but if you go to a breakfast place or a cafe or chain restaurant in a mall there’s likely to be some barefoot people, especially kids.

    Kids also commonly to to primary school barefoot and do PE and many sports like cross country running barefoot right through high school. I’m not saying everyone does it, but it is an acceptable choice the same as flip flops. And you know what? We have no higher rate of disease or injury as a result. Hands spread disease far more than feet anyway and feet only stink if they are jammed in shoes all day then released.

    Personally I don’t go barefoot often. I’m not one of these barefoot people, but I do run into the shops or yeah even a cafe or McDonalds (ours have signs asking patrons to remove muddy footwear before entering!) on occasion in summer. I don’t see how it’s an issue.

  5. i don’t care about bare feet it’s having comman sense and not put kids at risk or yourself. You have no idea where everyone has been and walked thru. Yea bare feet are great and I prefer it but I have enough comman sense where not to.

  6. I don’t think I ever want to read or hear the word, “barefooting” again. These people have turned it into a, “lifestyle” just like veganism and goddamn cross fit. You are obviously not servers; you should know no shoes in an establishment is against health code in most states. Plus, it’s the “Bitchy Waiter,” not the friendly, understanding, barefooting (well now you’ve got me saying it, fuck), waiter. Get the fuck out. You can’t sit with us!

    1. Emily, you are simply wrong. There is no health code prohibiting bare feet in establishments that handle food. Please get your facts straight.

  7. This is an amazingly rude & ignorant blog. Barefooting is not only legal in all 50 states but healthier as well. Bravo for the mother who took off her kids shoes, next I hope she will free herself. As for your unpleasant comments, you are the person who needs to educate yourself and stop being so judgmental regarding things you have no knowledge of. I can only hope that your employer gets a chance to read this & suggest that you need to work elsewhere.

  8. It’s hilarious how these people deliberately expose themselves to this site, KNOWING what it’s about and getting all pissed off about it. Lol! Also it actually IS a health code violation for patrons to be barefoot in an eating establishment, if McDonalds has a sign on their doors and they have a play area for little snot weasels then what makes you think a NICER place doesn’t adhere to the same rules? Seriously stop pretending that you are all special fucking snowflakes and grow up! Assume actual common sense like normal asshole adults, the world isn’t revolving around you because guess what? Grunting and screaming for hours as you manage to force out your little sludge monkey isn’t that amazing of an accomplishment, it happens every ten seconds so book hoo. Poor little Tyler Teether isn’t the center of the universe..grow up. Seriously parents these days…

    1. Agreed Jayleen. It’s a health code violation in my state, places can get shut down for it; there are a few places down on the beach that won’t even let you take your flip-flops off on the patio, with sand three feet away.

      This is my first experience with a single-issue troll – they must be really rare. Instead of general hostility to everyone about everything, specific hostility to everyone about a single issue? Bizarre. If in fact this kid had cut his foot on a glass splinter, the insurance company would have laughed in her face. Hope he tracked home some fresh free-range typhoid.

    2. Proof there are no regulations for being barefoot in restaurants. Happy Reading!

      Ok, so how about written documentation? Look no further than the letters below! In 1997, several SBL members wrote to the health departments of every state in the U.S. to confirm that they do not require footwear for customers. In 2002 and again in 2009 they repeated the project to update responses. Since then, several states have sent more recent responses, which are included below.

      The links below show copies of the most recent response letters from each state. All confirm that no health department (or agriculture dept.) regulation requires footwear for customers in any business or establishment–including stores and restaurants.


      A NOTE ON “RIGHTS OF REFUSAL”: A business may set its own dress code if it wishes, but no established health code requires (or even suggests) any need for that. For helpful insights on this aspect of law, see these helpful links:
      LegalMatch: “Restaurants: Right to Refuse Service”
      Bloomberg View: “No Shirt, No Shoes, No civil Rights?”

      WHAT ABOUT LIABILITY? An article reviewing contributory negligence and comparative fault laws in all 50 states (U.S.)

      For BAREFOOT RIGHTS CARDS, which highlight the right to go barefoot on religious grounds and include relevant state law (for some states) click here.

      The responses below, in Adobe PDF format, can be printed and carried for easy reference when out and about . . .

      Alabama Alaska Arizona Arkansas California Colorado Connecticut Delaware Florida Georgia Hawaii Idaho Illinois Indiana Iowa Kansas Kentucky Louisiana Maine Maryland Massachusetts Michigan Minnesota Mississippi Missouri Montana Nebraska Nevada New Hampshire New Jersey New Mexico New York North Carolina North Dakota Ohio (Agric.) Ohio (Health) Oklahoma Oregon Pennsylvania (Agric.) Rhode Island South Carolina South Dakota Tennessee (Agric.) Tennessee (Health) Texas Utah Vermont Virginia (Agric.) Virginia (Health) Washington West Virginia Wisconsin Wyoming

      Want to see EACH STATE’S HEALTH CODE for yourself? Click here for the FDA website that provides direct links.

    3. Jayleen, you are entitled you your opinion, but you are wrong about the health code. There simply is no health code prohibiting bare feet in establishments that handle food…..this has been verified by the Health Department….unless you want to tell the Health Department they’re wrong too.

  9. I was at a restaurant last night and a table near us let their kid roll all over the floor by their table. Face down. On the floor. Yuck. It reminds me of how people let their kids crawl all over the floor of a hospital waiting room. You think restaurant floors are nasty, they’ve got nothin on hospital floors. Ewww.

  10. I bet these children that run around in the restaurant barefoot grow up to be the sick fucks that walk around Las Vegas bare foot too. You think the restaurant floor is dirty, just imagine how dirty the strip is….

    1. Or just happy, healthy adult barefooters with critical thinking skills…I’m sorry you haven’t been exposed to this before, but it’s an actual thing, and just because you haven’t been exposed to it before doesn’t mean that they’re the ones with the stupid idea.

  11. After my 6 year stint as a server, I was a nurse. There is nothing more gross than letting your baby crawl on the floor of a CCU floor!

  12. I work in a public library and people have puked, bled, peed, crapped, and spit on the floor. We’ve pitched all the upholstered furniture since those ended up being upholstered toilets for the mentally troubled, the addicted since mental health facilities and treatments centers are closing their doors. Some of our patrons are really sick with resistant TB being the most benign and they live in places with cockroaches and bedbugs. (Did you know that if you step on a cockroach in your hovel, you can carry the egg, little future baby cockroaches, in your shoe and deposit that on another floor?) Wear your damn shoes–for your own safety.

    1. If you then put your foot into a shoe, yes…putting a disease incubator on your foot will help all sorts of nasty things grow. With regard to the upholstered furniture…so you require protective gloves in your library, right? Especially since your hands are far more likely to transmit a disease from touching something than your feet.

  13. Ignore the idiot trolls. Since when is it a good idea to let anyone, much less a child, walk barefoot in a restaurant? Ridiculous.

    1. It’s pretty obvious that the “idiot trolls” are the only ones who’ve done any actual critical thinking and/or research on this subject and have actual experience with serious barefooting.

  14. How has anyone not commented about it being a health code violation? Yes, it’s disgusting in general…but there aren’t supposed to be bare feet where food is being served.

    1. There are no health codes in USA for customers of restaurants. ONLY workers and these codes are for the preparation of food.

  15. Being barefoot in a restaurant is a big no-no. I’m a server myself, and I work at a sports bar. Lord knows how many people have puked at our store, dropped a glass and didn’t get all of it, the list goes on. I’m gonna have to go with bitch waiter on this one…

  16. jeff April 13, 2015 at 11:45 PM r u fuckin kidding me , being barefoot as a kid and enjoying life as such is something most of of us had, unless you had totally anal parents. gfus

    1. First of all, you only need to post one message. Secondly, by your grammar it’s clear the only restaurant you’ve been to is a ghetto McDonald’s, so your experience is moot.

      1. I think you’ve confused “grammar” with “spelling”, and it’s pretty obvious his spelling choices were deliberate, not the result of ignorance, as annoying as they are.

    1. r u fuckin kidding me , being barefoot as a kid and enjoying life as such is something most of of us had, unless you had totally anal parents. gfus

  17. Everyone is entitled to an opinion and is free to voice that opinion. This is one of the great liberties of America. My opinion is your prejudices toward bare feet – of any age – in a restaurant, are based on myths and misinformation. It is also my opinion that the person who wrote this rant is an absolute idiot. The expletives laced throughout are completely unnecessary and offer no support for the posed argument. Neither do the attacks on, and assumptions made about, the character of the mother. And how does raving about how poorly you do your job support anything except how much of an idiot YOU are??
    There are two, and only two, viable arguments against bare feet in any establishment that handles food. Paraphrasing, those are, “Management reserves the right to refuse service to whomever they choose as long as a protected class (race, religion, nationality,…) is not infringed upon” and “bare feet are simply not commonplace in such settings as eateries, grocery stores, departments stores…and are thusly frowned upon.” The first argument is enforceable, the second carries only as much weight as society can muster. Every one of the other common myths and misconceptions can be categorically refuted with science, biology, and mere common sense – though common sense seems to be in very short supply.
    My suggestion to anyone opposed to bare feet “in public” is this – don’t just jump on the bandwagon and start running your mouth about what you THINK you know. Do some research and, if the facts haven’t changed your mind, or at least enlightened you, THEN, present an educated and informed argument.

    1. Rodney,

      I love your answer, you are so right. People are ignorant, and flap their mouth before checking the facts.
      I walk barefoot everywhere, at work I have to wear steel toe shoes, but otherwise my feet are bare, and it feels great. This lady who wrote this letter is not only a “bitch”, but should not work in a job where she is serving the public. I got a few words I would like to say to her, but…

      1. This wasn’t written by a woman, dumbass, but your assumptions reveal who you are. Go back to Trump Fans dot com, your asshattery is not wanted here.

      2. And I wonder Dan why is it that you’re required to wear boots at work? Probably because of safety concerns? So why would that be any different for a child at a restaurant? As stated before, there is the potential for broken glass or slippery floors in restaurants. A child wearing shoes would protect them from these things just as your work boots protect you from certain things at your place of business. If you have children (which I highly doubt you do because I couldn’t imagine someone wanting to fuck someone as dirty and stupid as you) I feel sorry for them and I hope you have to deal with an annoying night of picking glass splinters out of their little feet because you decided not to be parent and let your child do whatever the hell it wanted. The requirement to wear steel toe boots at your work means that you most certainly are not a server, so why are you even on this page? You’re ignorant, go troll somewhere else. Youre not welcome here, you’re stupidity offends me and quite frankly just really pisses me off.

    2. So… you’re happy for the kid to get glass in his foot?
      Anyone with half a brain knows that there could be anything on the floor, piss, puke, glasses and plated get dropped all the time and even if you try your best to clear it up it is never guaranteed.

    3. If you don’t like it, don’t read it, idiot. Move on.

      And by the way I work in a medical field and have ACTUAL science behind me, so listen up: Going barefoot in a dirty area is unhygienic and a great way to catch something, including a host of parasites.

      1. That would be the “there must be science behind this because eww gross everybody knows this” study on walking barefoot vs. walking in disease incubators, as well as the prevalence of parasites in first world countries, I take it? Why aren’t you arguing that everyone should wear gloves all over the place…you’re far more likely to pick up something on your hands and get sick from touching your face than from your feet.

    4. I’m completely blown away by the comments saying that it’s ok to let your kids run around barefoot in a restaurant! I can’t tell if these commenters are being serious or not. What a ridiculous argument. It’s completely disgusting and inappropriate to allow your children to be barefoot anywhere besides the obvious places like your home or outside in a sandbox/beach/etc. Restaurant floors have broken glass, tons of bacteria and old food all over them. WTF is wrong with people? Why are you so eager to defend bad parenting? Please tell me one benefit of not wearing shoes out in public places. Just one reason. But you can’t because there is none. The defense of these actions is baffling.

      1. You know what’s really gross in a restaurant? The seats. Talk about bacteria and old food. Do you wear protective gloves in a restaurant to protect your hands? That’s where the real danger in disease transmission lies – your hands. Also…seriously? Do you not have one ounce of critical thinking ability in your brain? “Not one reason” is the only thing you can come up with – you can’t even punch out a single Google search on the subject? Wearing shoes literally deforms your feet, ESPECIALLY as you’re growing up. The foot is a complex machine, and wearing shoes interferes with its function and design to the point where your entire body is affected…I’m not Google, you can find all of this information at your fingertips with minimal effort. When was the last time you read a book on the health benefits of barefooting? It’s extremely foolish to assume that you have complete knowledge on a subject that you obviously have never done any actual research into simply because “everyone wears shoes”. People do all sorts of idiotic things due to social mandates. You grew up wearing shoes because it is the fashion to wear shoes, not because it’s necessarily healthier for you to do so.

      1. Glass is not the issue that you think it is…if you were an experienced barefooter, you’d know that. Now if her kids had never walked barefoot outside their house in their life and then ran around and stepped on glass, that’s one thing, but if they barefoot outside all of the time, their mom is doing them a huge favor and a little broken glass won’t hurt them. Shoes destroy and deform your feet, and the worst damage is done to kids as they’re growing up. Also…yes, you can find diseases on the ground. You can also find them on pretty much any surface imaginable. I usually eat with my hands, not my feet…why aren’t you arguing that all kids should wear gloves in restaurants? The only study I’ve seen that was an actual scientific study (as in employed scientific methods such as measuring the actual amounts of bacteria present, rather than just “ewww germs”) found that people who wear shoes test or significantly higher levels of bacteria and fungi…think about it. You walk around all day in sweaty disease incubators, and then go “eww” when someone else decides that that’s gross and a little dirt won’t hurt them…sorry people, but “eww that’s gross everybody knows you have to wear shoes” is not “science”.

        1. For health reasons you wear shoes and I’m sorry as a parent and ex waitress I would never let my kids run in a restraunt with bare feet or play on the floor. Come on people use a brain. God only knows what is on people’s shoes Sorry it’s not healthy. Give your heads a shake.

    5. Rodney you are ridiculous. This is not prejudice, it is simply a concern that the child may hurt himself. What has society and science got to do with it?

      Bitchy waiter works in the restaurant so he knows how clean or otherwise the floor is. Anyone who has worked in a bar or restaurant knows that the floor is dirty and unsafe almost all of the time. Even in the places where the cleaners are conscientious, do you think the floor stays clean?

      Not wearing shoes in public is not the issue here. The child’s safety is. No amount of research changes the fact that if one does not wear shoes in a restaurant, one will almost certainly hurt one’s feet!

  18. I was working the patio once and some lady was letting her toddler run around barefoot… On the old-ass, splintery wood covered in bird crap and slick with rain. I told her it wasn’t really safe, so she just let the kid run barefoot on top of the table – which was slippery, and slick with rain. I am so fucking glad I escaped waitressing….

  19. Another thing parents can’t quite grasp is the mop in a restaurant. Many times there aren’t separate mops for the bathroom/puke/kitchen and the dining room. So, go ahead kids, play on the floor. You’re getting a bath later, right? It won’t hurt too bad to have leftover piss on you, right? Right?
    Parents, please understand that the floor of a restaurant is WAAAAY dirtier than it looks. When your server looks at your barefoot kid (or the kids under the table playing *shudder*), we’re not disgusted at your sweet baby. We’re disgusted because you couldn’t pay us to get on that nasty ass floor and you’re letting a kid (who is probably sticking their dirty hands in their mouth) traipse all willy-nilly in filth.

  20. I read this post earlier and then went to the new burger bar that opened up this week. As we were leaving, there were two kids standing at the hostess podium. One was maybe 10 or 11 years old, the other was 5 or 6. Neither of them were wearing shoes. I was torn between disgust and dying laughing because after I read your post earlier, I thought to myself, “No way that’s real! What parent would let their kid run around in a restaurant in bare feet?!” I stand corrected. Parents should really have to take a test before procreating… I really hope the manager told them to leave. The place was packed and there was a 45 minute wait for tables, so you know those kids would be running around in front of the doors for a long time, just waiting for some adult to step on their bare toes and get yelled at by the idiotic parents.

  21. OMFB, that sounds disgusting! once again, a “parent” who won’t parent their bratley.

    next time, leave bratley at home to get your drink buzz on, bitch.

    1. Drinks must get spilled/dropped all the time! Your kid could go under the table, start licking the floor(dropped Margarita) and come back up $hit faced! When recalling this story later, little Johnny will refer to this as ” licking the frog .”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

I want two things: a shift drink and your email address!

Someday, if I ever get my act together, I might send out a weekly newsletter about the wonderful goings on of the restaurant industry. Or maybe I won't.