The Baby at Table 21 is Sick and Disgusting


The thing with babies is that you can’t ever leave them alone, even when you want to. Again, I don’t have kids, but that’s what I’ve heard. Surely there are times when a parent secretly wishes that they could just put their baby in a crate, go out to dinner and then come home two hours later, give it some water and take it out for a walk. That seems to work great for my dog. Or maybe there are times when the baby wants to stay home but the parents drag it out anyway. This may have been the case last night when a couple had dinner with their horribly sick child. Looking at that baby’s eyes, they seemed to be saying, “Bitch, I just wanna be at home with some Saltines, ginger ale, a National Enquirer and Oprah.”

I was in my station at the front of the restaurant when my bossy co-worker (read all about him here) came to me and told me (not asked me…) to help clean up the milk that a baby spilled at Table 21. Making my way to the spill zone, I saw another server in the dish room wiping down a high chair. The milk looked bumpy and slimy so I assumed it was some kind of nasty cheap ass baby formula that comes from Costco. The waiter was putting on rubber gloves. “That is some weird looking milk, right? I said. He replied. “Oh, it’s not milk. The baby threw up all over everything.” He began to clean it up as I slowly removed myself from the situation. I do not clean up vomit. (Unlike this super hero.) And then I wondered why the fuck Moe asked me to clean up the “milk” when he knew it was fucking baby puke. One more reason to dislike this guy.

Anhyoo, it was then that I caught my first look at the baby. It was now in pajamas because her clothes were covered in vomit and now in a plastic bag laying on the floor. Obviously, the mother knew this was possibility because she happened to have a pair of pj’s in her diaper bag. The poor little baby looked miserable: watery eyes, a crusty snotty nose and a cough that sounded like it belonged to a senior citizen who smoked a pack of Pall Malls every day for the last 80 years. Once, I think I saw her cough up a piece of baby lung. She quickly ingested it again. It may have been a piece of the Caesar salad her mother was feeding her, but I will just go ahead and say I am 99% sure it was baby lung. Meanwhile, the parents continued having a gay old time while their baby continued to hold down vomit and cough up body parts.

They had a two-top open next to them that I refused to seat anyone at, because I know that nobody wants to sit next to a sick baby and a bag of clothes that smell like vomit. We have to do that on the 7 train pretty much every day so you would think we would be used to it, but we’re not. The baby finally fell asleep (I hope it was asleep) allowing mom and dad to casually sip their coffee while Sick Baby drooled a puddle of mucus on to Mommy’s shoulder. Eventually, they paid the check and went home. Or to the emergency pediatric wing at Elmhusrt Hospital. That baby was fucking sick. But at least Mom and Dad got to go out to eat on a Friday night and good for them. I don’t get parents who can ignore the needs of their kids like that. Reminds me of a time I saw this woman at Blizzard Beach in Disney World. Her baby was asleep and she was carrying it around like a sack of potatoes. And someone told me once that I was selfish for not having kids? I don’t think so.

28 thoughts on “The Baby at Table 21 is Sick and Disgusting

  1. Jeremy

    Things like this make me hate not only parents but also managers of places where people work. I understand you want to make a profit but there is simply no excuse for having your employees put up with shit like that. If a customer is rude, sick, dirty or otherwise offensive, kick them the fuck out. The customer is not always right and they might behave with respect if they were not constantly told that they can do no wrong.

  2. Julia Deschenes

    I and many others have aa phobia called emetophobia, which is severe fear of vomit. That scene would have sent me into a full blown panic attack. People, if you or one in your group feels sick, stay home and do not expose innocent folk to your germs.

  3. jl

    >hold down vomit and cough up body parts> This is the funniest story I red in a while, count me now to one of your readers.

  4. George Garcia

    It was distressing to witness parents like that – parents that still go on with plans without considering their kid’s condition. Yes, it was responsible enough to have extra clothes for your kid wherever you go but a parent should also be responsible enough to check on their child’s condition especially if they will be in public place.

  5. Bree

    Poor baby. Parents should have order it to go. My kids are very well behaved in restaurants most of the time and if they are sick I don’t take them out unless absolutely necessary. I left a restaurant once when my 2 year old was being a down right brat. Screaming etc.. Wasn’t sick but was causing a scene so We left people go out to enjoy the evening not to hear someone’s screaming or sick kid. How could these parents enjoyed themselves knowing their baby was sick? I sure hell wouldn’t be.

  6. c

    Im really more annoyed with all of the people calling the child names for being sick. Its the parents fault that child was anywhere near the restaurant at any point, not the childs. A baby cannot fucking say “Please, im sick, let me sleep this shit off” and “Dosing the bastard up on robitussin” I hope to GOD you do not have kids.

    Even Bitchy felt bad for baby, and was (validly) hating on mom and dad, the cunts that they are.

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  9. lynnette

    That’s totally disgusting! Shame on the parents for exposing the entire restaurant to this disgusting, germ ridden bag of puke and snot! Don’t they care other people can catch that from their kid!! Totally inconsiderate. Nothing makes me sicker then a toddler with green infectious snot running down its face and the nasty kid is smearing the snot on everything they touch potentially infecting every other person who walks in that area!! Parents keep your kids home if they are snorting and puking. Have some common courtesy! ! No one wants to look at your disgusting kid!

  10. Kerrie

    Hey Brad! Do us all a favor and click the “x” in the top right of your screen. Then, in the future, don’t bother typing in this web address. Poof – problem solved. You must not have disliked it too much, since you just HAD to take the time to make a pathetic attempt at expressing your own bitchiness. For future reference…Blogs are usually more conversational than technical. No one forced you to peruse the site.

    As far as this post…I gag just watching someone wipe snot from their baby’s face so I would have certainly lost it if some kid was throwing up while I’m trying to enjoy my meal at a restaurant. These people should have taken advantage of a to-go box and not subjected everyone to their germ-ridden child.

  11. Brad

    After reading through a few entries: This blog is poorly written, and the person writing it seems fairly ignorant (or young, not sure which). And the attempts at humor are contrived and lame. It’s like this blog is written by someone who WANTS to be a good writer, but doesn’t quite have the talent/intelligence to pull it off.

    1. mon

      After reading this review: Too many commas and the person writing it seems fairly ignorant (or young, not sure which). And the attempt at valid criticism is contrived and lame. It’s like this review is written by someone who THINKS he is a good writer but doesn’t quite have the talent/intelligence to pull it off.

    2. bitchy fl server

      Or maybe this blog is just not for you, dude. What’s cool to you is lame to others, vice versa. Nothing to get upset about.

  12. mb

    If you MUST take a sick child out to dinner, dose the little bastard with a couple shots of Robitussin.
    Not kidding.

  13. Nanc

    Wow–at the first sign of puke the manager should maker sure the orders are boxed up and escorting the party to the door with best wishes to get well at home! No, wait, at the first sign of puke one parent should have been on the way out with the sick kiddo while the other asked the order to be packaged to go and leaving a super-big tip!

    I’m a sympathy puker–if that had happened next to me I would have hurled. And left a really big tip!

    Sorry you had to go through this.

  14. April

    Why do people do this to their kids? Mine are older now, but when they were small, the ONLY place they went when they were sick (besides a doctor) would be the pharmacy if I was out of baby meds. and that was only if my husband wasn’t home.

  15. anne marie

    and people wonder why I despise parents? GET A CLUE assholes; if your bratley is puking, DO NOT take the biohazard out in public! period! NO ONE wants to see/hear/smell that shit!

    1. Cinderella

      We’re not supposed to work sick like that, why should a sick customer’s baby that already vomited contaminating things, be taken to a restaurant anyway.

  16. kelly

    Ugh hate when parents bring in there sick kids..had a table one time bring in a kid that three up not once not twice but three times at their table and then proceeded to order the kid a sunday because maybe the would help his “tummy ache”

  17. mb

    I spewed out 2 crotch crawlers before age 19. Yes kudos to me. I worked in restaurants / slave labor a goodly portion of my life.
    My children were raised “on the menu”
    Bad behavior not tolerated.
    Before we left i would say put your restaurant manners on
    If there was offensive behavior, offender was scooped up,put in car
    I returned to pay,apologize profusely, and tip outrageous

    1. Jessica

      Crotch crawlers??!! Omg that’s the funniest thing I’ve heard … Kudos to you for raising kids that know how to respect people and behave in public.


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