Thievery and Assholes on a Wednesday Night

no more iPad

no more iPad

When we drag ourselves into work, we are sometimes lulled into complacency since we often spend just as much time at the restaurant as we do at our home. It’s easy to look at our place of employment as a second home, albeit a dirty halfway house kind of home that we hate being at and can’t wait to escape. For four years I have worked at The Club and every day that I go in, I take my bag and deposit it in the coatroom. It’s where all the employees leave their belongings. It’s down the hallway from the restrooms but pretty much out of sight. During the summer months, the coatroom is non-occupied and it turns into a catch all for server uniforms, bags and random crap that has no other place to be stored. We put our things in there, turn out the light, shut the door and assume that no one will go into it. Well, last Wednesday night someone did go into it. A low-life thieving asshole went into that coat closet and rifled through bags and stole a wallet with $230, a set of blue-tooth speakers, three bottles of cologne and an iPad. That iPad belonged to me. The only thing that is in my hand more often than my iPad is vodka so it was a pretty traumatic experience for me. It’s like mourning the death of a loved one and going through the five stages of grief.

Denial: When Jose came back from the subway to tell us that he realized his wallet had been stolen, we all rushed downstairs to check on our things. “No, way did they take anything from my bag,” I thought as I bounded down the stairs. As soon as I flipped the light on, I saw my bag on the hanger, limp and open. I looked inside to see only leftover candy bar wrappers and an old dirty apron. My iPad had been stolen. I carried my bag upstairs, clutching it to to my chest as my mind raced trying to think of all the things on the iPad that were now in the hands of someone else. “I don’t need to change my passwords right now, we’ll find it. It’ll be okay,” I thought. I could not believe it. Over and over again, I looked in the bag thinking that maybe the iPad was in some mysterious pocket that I had never noticed before. Each time I looked, I was disappointed. I could not believe I had been a victim of crime.

Anger: “God dammit! Fuck! Shit! Are you freaking kidding me? This sucks!” We called the cops and two of them arrived half an hour later from the 13th Precinct. I swear to God one of them had jelly donut breath. Their apathy reminded me of myself when the day before someone ordered a salad that always comes with walnuts but she  told me to make sure we didn’t accidentally switch the almonds for walnuts because she’s allergic to walnuts but not almonds. As Lorinda described the suspicious man she saw coming from the direction of the coatroom, the cops did not bother to write down her very detailed account. I wanted to cram a box of donuts down their throats, but not just any box of donuts; a donut box made of crushed glass that had no donuts in it. “No, of course I don’t know the serial number, officer. I don’t have it memorized.” They told me I could tell the detective the next day. When we went to the office to look at the surveillance video, we learned that no one had ever bothered to put a DVD in the machine to record. Cameras, cameras everywhere but not a one to record on. “God dammit! Fuck! Shit! Are you freaking kidding me? This sucks!”

Bargaining: Okay, if I get my iPad back I will never bring it to work with me again. True, we don’t really have any place to store our things and we were foolish to assume that simply putting them in an unlocked closet was safe enough, but I will never do it again, I promise. If I get my iPad back, I will stop watching porn on it and only go to websites that promote good family values, like Chick-fil-A or One Million Moms. I will use my iPad for good. If I get my iPad back, I will never again take a photo of my shift meal and post it on my Facebook page. (Okay, I will totally still do that because I get some busted ass shift meals and the world needs to see that shit.)

Depression: I spent 48 hours being sad. “Why me?” I proclaimed. “What did I ever do to deserve such bad karma?” (“Umm, you write a blog called The Bitchy Waiter and make fun of people behind their back,” said everyone.) I cried. Not only because I lost some things that I may never get back since I don’t know how the fucking iCloud works and the Lost My iPad app is kinda useless for a wi-fi device that is locked down, but because I felt so violated. It made me hate people even more which I did not think was possible. I felt so disillusioned. When I was 15 years old, our house was broken into. I’ll never forget what it felt like walking inside and seeing all of our closet doors and drawers open and then looking at the Christmas tree and seeing it barren. We had bought my mom a microwave oven for Christmas (hey, it was 1982 so it was a huge deal) and it was gone with all the other presents. I felt sick about it for weeks. I just couldn’t shake the feeling then and that’s how I felt again.

Acceptance: Okay, my iPad is gone. The police don’t give a shit about petty larceny even though petty larceny is for something that is worth less than $500 and my iPad was worth $600. I have to accept that those lazy fucks from the 13th Precinct are not going to do anything about it. “You have no witnesses, no suspects and no surveillance video, so the case is closed,” they told me when I called two days later to obtain a police report number. “But I have my serial number that I was supposed to give to a detective,” I protested. “You declined that opportunity on the night of the crime,” I was told. “I didn’t decline, I had to go home and find it.” “Well, the case is closed. If you see something in any surveillance video, call us and maybe we will reopen it.” I have to accept that I am responsible for looking at the surveillance video of the building next door. I have to accept that they are going to ignore the detailed description that Lorinda gave them of the suspect who was 5’9″, with dark hair, fit, wearing an olive colored t-shirt and blue jeans that she saw coming from the direction of the coat room at 11:04. I have to accept that the owner of The Club doesn’t care that he never supplied us with the lockers he once talked about getting and that “this is a lesson to us all to not leave valuables in an unsafe area.” My iPad is gone. It sucks but I accept it.

I feel a little better today than I did when it first happened. I will file an insurance claim and pay the deductible and buy a new iPad eventually. Some of you are probably saying I deserved to have it stolen for taking it to work, but I have to remind you that most of us in New York City do not have cars. When we leave our apartments in the morning, we take everything we will need for the rest of the day. We don’t have cars to leave our things in. I took my iPad to work with me because I used to use it on my 45 minute commute to and from work. I wrote on it or read the books I downloaded.

In the future, when I go to work my valuables will be kept under lock and key because there are people in this world who don’t care about other people’s belongings. They are horrible awful people and they suck. Some of those horrible awful people sneak into coatrooms and steal things, some of them own and operate clubs that servers work in and some of them are police officers at the 13th Precinct.


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27 thoughts on “Thievery and Assholes on a Wednesday Night

  1. Miss Merlot

    Sorry to hear Bitchy. I have been mugged / pickpocketed three times in the last 5 years, each time in foreign countries and twice of those on my own front door – nothing like trying to cancel your cards in a language you barely speak out of standard business hours….

    Am glad you’re insured, and BACK UP BACK UP BACK UP for the future…

    MM x

  2. The805Waitron

    “Some of you are probably saying I deserved to have it stolen for taking it to work.” People who say such things are akin to those that say the girl that dressed provocatively was “asking for it”. Fuck that logic. Hope you get it back, sir. Failing that, realize that it’s a lesson that was hard earned. The hardest lesson is often the best lesson.

    I’ve been catching up on 4+ years of Bitchy Waiter over the past couple of nights after randomly coming across it via a Google search for Bitter Waitress, a site I frequented in the mid 2000’s. This blog is an excellent ,visceral and real voice to those of us that are so often required to be voiceless. If I can offer you any consolation, it’s that you have another loyal subscriber. Your work here is damn awesome. You have yet another subscriber.


  3. Atli Steinn Gudmundsson

    Quote: “We don’t have cars to leave our things in.”

    Well, ancient folklore and two visits to NY tells me that leaving your belongings in your (or any) vehicle in that beautiful city isn’t really the smartest idea either. My condolences for your loss nevertheless, half the life of your average inhabitant of the western hemisphere is stored in these devices nowadays.

    And yes, throughout all my extra jobs as a bouncer in countless Icelandic bars and restaurants in the period 1995 – 2002 I remember thinking that one day something drastic would happen with all these unlocked staff rooms that everybody just relied upon remaining unobserved by dishonest external visitors from outside our cozy little corner of the universe. Guess I was just lucky…

  4. chwtoy

    There is an app to get when you do get your new one. Its called “find my Ipad” Its free. Its like a lojack for I-products. Sorry you got stolen from…people are jerks sometimes.

  5. bistis6

    So, Fishdick never followed through on his promise to get you guys lockers, eh? No surprise. I’m sorry, my friend. Didn’t any of the staff know which party the guy belonged to? Someone was bound to have seen him in the room.

  6. Tipsykit

    Assuming you had your iPad set to automatically back things up to the cloud thingie, some nice person at the Apple Store should be able to help you recover your data. I think that is the default setting (at least it was on mine) so hopefully you will at least be able to get back your photos etc.

  7. Omnivore

    So sorry to read of this! I agree, people suck. When given the opportunity so many will steal from anyone. Just a couple months ago in my own apartment building the handicapped lady that lives right beneath me went for a stroll with her daughter & grandchildren. They left her wheelchair and the kids’ bikes in the ENCLOSED HALLWAY right outside her door for 5 minutes while she was helped inside. All three items were missing; whisked away by some incredibly ballsy thief. Who steals a WHEELCHAIR?!

    Sadly, I have a friend who works as a volunteer at a homeless shelter…and from his horror stories I can safely say that your iPad has likely become a product on the black market and sold for $10-$30, possibly to fund someone’s drug fix. What a shame! If I had money to spare I would gladly give you some money to buy another. =(

  8. BewareofWaitress

    Wow!! That was really generous of you all to donate. I know I am tickled pink when someone decides for me that I’m going to donate to their own personal charity. It makes me all warm and fuzzy inside to know that somewhere out there, someone is enjoying for free what I had to work hard, scrimp, and save to enjoy.

  9. Susan Beloit

    The sad thing is that it was most likely someone you work with! I learned that lesson the hard way many years ago! It really sucks when servers, who know how hard it is to make a dollar, will steal from their fellow servers! I’m retired now but was a server for most of my life & I’ve seen it all!

  10. Mellie S.

    That fucking blows…I’m so sorry bitchy. I had an i-pod touch stolen when they first came out, at the Y once. I went to work out, took it off in the bathroom, set it down on the counter, changed clothes, walked to my car and by the time I raced back in it was gone. I did the usual, checked the lost and found, left my phone number…the receptionist was like, uh yeah, I’m sure it will be turned in… God, I hate people.

  11. sally

    I’m so sorry Bitchy. I know that sinking feeling and I hate it, it’s like a mini anxiety attack every time you think about it. Try to get your new IPad sooner rather than later–maybe it will make you feel better. Just remember it’s not your fault, thieves will steal anything of value, locked up or not.


  12. Wylde Sydes

    I’ve been reading your blog for years, first time commenting. It sucks to see something of yours stolen. I’d like to make a suggestion, maybe start up a little donation campaign to fund a new iPAD? I know it sounds a little self-serving, but as I view it I’ve gotten quite a few hours of entertainment by reading this blog, I certainly wouldn’t mind donating a few bucks to fund a new iPAD. Good idea maybe?

    1. The Bitchy Waiter Post author

      I mentioned that in a joking kind of way on a Facebook page and people jumped all over me for it, so i don’t think so…

      1. Jen

        I’m with Wylde! I am de-lurking to say I would love to donate to the cause. I get so much pleasure from your blog, and I look forward to your posts. I would love to show my appreciation in a tangible way.

        Who cares what the collective over at faceBorg thinks? This is your blog and we are your people!

      2. Annabehl

        How about the people that really enjoy your blog and are not just trolls? I would totally donate….it’s a worthy cause.

    2. Kerry

      I totally agree and actually said that to myself when l read this..I’ve had cash taken out of my purse at work..I say karma is there..justhaftve to wait..

  13. rebecca cowan

    People are ridiculous. Our home was broken into last week while i was home in the shower. Sadly all you can do is hope that whatever they put up their nose and sold your stuff for kills them 🙁

  14. Jenny

    Bitchy..sorry this happened to you. That’s the thing about “petty” crimes like this: you’re violated once, when your belongings are stolen, and then again when you realize that the assholes who stole it are going to get away with it. Someone stole my bike, and my 12 year old son’s bike last summer..we had gone out for a ride and left them leaning against our garage. Someone with balls the size of watermelons and a non-existent conscience walked within 3 feet of our front door to steal the two bikes. Fuckers.

    I hope whoever took your iPad gets crabs or something else non-lethal but shameful and annoying.

  15. joeinvegas

    Oh, sorry B, not much you can do if the manager won’t give you locks. You don’t want a key on the door, fire hazard and too many people will end up with the key anyway (but it will stop customers). Push for the lockers, but as history shows you won’t get them.
    The assorted places I’ve worked have had theft problems (even the high security government one I’m on now, people have had laptops taken from their desks), I’ve only had food taken from the fridge.

  16. Kristen

    I would suspect the owner since there happens to be no surveillance because he neglected to do it and he also didn’t provide you with a secure location to store it..guy sounds like a jerk.. at my place our coworkers steal money,food, my starbucks frappacino Im still pissed about, phone chargers, phones, cigarettes and anything else they can sneak off when no one is looking. people suck true story. you cannot trust anyone

  17. Frannie Pantz

    FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK THAT!!! You wanna hear something crazy? That same bullshit happened to me (well my iPad was stolen from a hair salon) this weekend and it sucks! I felt the same things that you are feeling and in that order, mostly I am so mad. I work in a law office, so I am currently looking into the salon’s liability for replacing it for me. I am so sorry this happened to you. I am so sad that my Stylebook–my all time favorite app that I use on an hourly basis–is now in the lying, stealing grubby hands of someone else tonight. Fuckers.

  18. chacha1

    Your manager/club owner is a dickhead. “It’s your own fault.” Really? Your fault there was no way to lock the door, and no recording media in the “security” camera?

    If so then I recommend you staffers pool together to install a locking doorknob for that closet that is all the space you have for your personal gear (since the owner is too cheap to get you lockers). And maybe don’t give him a key. What an asshole.


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