My Friend, Liquor

Many times people ask me how I get through my day at work if I obviously find so little enjoyment in it. True, there is very little to enjoy while waiting tables but I do look forward to walking out of the Hell Hole with a wad of cash in my pocket. Cash does wonders for my attitude. So does alcohol. Yes, it helps a lot. Luckily I work at a place where it is relatively easy to slip in a few cocktails in between ignoring customers, short changing people and grazing in the kitchen. I think I shall write about how I got through last Thursday night.

The beginning of my shift: I started with a lovely cocktail that was made especially for me by the bartender. It had Hpnotiq and Stoli Vanilla vodka straight up. What is Hpnotiq, you may ask? I stole this from the website: Hynotiq is an exquisite blend of premium vodka, natural tropical fruit juices and a hint of Cognac which combine to produce its signature frosted blue. It’s also fucking delicious and makes it much easier to deal with that bitch on table 201 who wants a veggie burger but only if it’s going to be “a really good one.”

The middle of my shift: I went up to my dear friend the margarita machine. I said to it, “How you doin’?” I kissed it, told it that I loved it and fondled the lever until it rewarded me with a tall glass of frosty tequila love. I then added a shot of Watermelon Pucker and some fresh squeezed watermelon juice. I swallowed.

The end of my shift: I had made it through the night without telling anyone to fuck off and I deserved compensation for that. Therefore, I asked the bartender to hook me up and she made me a Lemon Shot. Don’t know what was in it but it was good. Real good. Sweet and tart at the same time, just like me, and the perfect foil to my bad attitude.