Do waiters really spit in food?

Yes, Virginia, waiters really do spit in food. But you have to be a really bad little girl to have that happen to you, so most people are okay. I have been slinging hash for about 15 sad bitter years and I have seen it happen. I am not saying that I have ever done such a disgusting thing to a table because that is a little bit too far even for me-oh who the fuck am I kidding? I have done it twice. Once to this prick in Texas who I heard call me a fag to his buddies at the table so he got a big helpin’ heapin’ dose of Bitchy Waiter Spit in his free refill of Lemonade. I will reserve the other time I did it for another post. Sadly, spitting is not the worst thing I have seen. I worked at this restaurant once where that kind of thing happened a lot. If you ever ate at the Houlihan’s in Times Square during the mid-90’s I apologize. There was this waitress there who was dealing with the typical ignorant tourist fucks who are dumb enough to eat at tourist trap like Houlihan’s. She was taking an order at a really loud obnoxious table and they were not listening to her. They were too excited about going to see Grease or Cats or some other stupid ass Broadway show that only tourists went to. She could not get their attention so someone at the table offered their assistance. He yelled out to his friends, “Hey let this girl do her job since it’s probably the only thing she’ll ever be good at!” I dunno why someone would say that about someone right before their food would be handled by that same someone, but he did. And he paid. When it came time for the food to come out, we all congregated in the kitchen to see what she was going to do. I will never forget it. First off, she took their plate of ribs and placed it on the floor. Then she stepped on it. Uh huh. They ate her dirty ass shoe germs. The guy with the burger got some very special fries. She took a handful of them and rubbed them all over the wall of the kitchen before putting them back on the plate and that wall was fucking disgusting. This was Times Square Houlihan’s people, where we didn’t clean and the rats got more shifts than we did. For their soup, someone else had a brilliant idea. They took the soup spoon and licked all over it and then put it on the plate. The waitress who licked all over it was really sick and didn’t want to be there so she was in a shitty mood anyway and this was a good “fuck you” to the table and to our manager who made her come in to work. The last diner just got a good fashioned loogie stirred into her Oriental Stir Fry and she served it with a smile. That was good times, people. Good times. You wanna be nice to your server. If you want to be mean, do it after you eat. Never before. Unless you are stupid, in which case be prepared. Farting at your table is not the worst thing that can happen.

7 thoughts on “Do waiters really spit in food?

  1. Nope

    18 years in the industry and I’ve never done anything gross to anyone’s food nor seen anyone do anything bad to a guest’s food. However, I have seen the kitchen fuck with an ex employee’s food. This was a guy who worked in our kitchen (this was 11+ years ago) and didn’t show up for2 crazy shifts in a row. Needless to say, he got fired. He had the gall to show up during the next weekend, mid shift, jump back to the line and demand they cooked him a burger. He got his burger. After he left, I found out every single kitchen guy rubbed that burger on their… Well…parts. Watch Road Trip and times it by 9. I guess he deserved it, but I’m just happy I didn’t know about it before. I would have vomited just watching him eat it.

  2. Roni

    I worked at a restaurant where someone called one of the server’s a fag and he put his hand down his pants, rubbed it against his dick, and then stuck his hand in their boneless wings and stirred them all around. That guy went on to become the front of house manager. Haha.

  3. Anonymous

    You should be put in jail for something like this!!!!!!! And then for the rest of your poor pitiful life u should have to eat food with spit, hair, and any other disgusting thing done to it. May you and every other sick person who done this to others rot in hell!!!!!!!

  4. Anonymous

    So to be clear about the second story: some people came to a restaurant and were talking. One of them made a particularly rude comment, so *all* of them got their food smeared with dirt and gross bodily fluids?I don't really get it. Everyone gets treated like shit in their jobs sometimes, and nobody should have endure that in their job. Yet, we have to deal with it in a responsible and professional manner. Having worked in customer service roles for some years, it would be unthinkable for anyone outside of a catering environment to get revenge in a similar manner – you just cope and give your customers / clients service as best you can!I'm not excusing the outrages that some people put waitering staff (and other staff) through, but spitting in someone's food and smearing it across wall you know to be covered with dirt and s**t is just out of line, and can't be justified.


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