This Week’s Stupid 1-Star Review is from Kai

As you well know, I quite enjoy finding stupid 1-star reviews on Yelp or Facebook and using those reviews as teaching opportunities*. Today’s teachable moment comes from a diner named Kai who went to dine at a Cheesecake Factory on the island of O’ahu in Hawaii. It seems that the restaurant was newly opened so according to most reviews, the, lines were long and the wait times were longer. This is to be expected when a brand new chain restaurant opens, as the staff irons out the kinks and customers clamor to to see what all the fuss is about. Kai wasn’t upset with the wait times or the food or even the service. The thing that crawled up inside her pineapple hole had more to do with other customers:

Just ate at Cheesecake Factory Kapolei and was enjoying our 1st experience until a large table of bratty kids were seated next to us, they were so loud and annoying and a little out of control. So much for a nice enjoyable meal! Asked the waitress if we could get a free cheesecake because of the annoyance, and she sent a manager who did absolutely nothing to make up for our dissatisfaction except offer to move us, as we were settling our bill. And that was it. So disappointed with the manager! I don’t think we’ll be going back for a while.

It seems that Kai didn’t enjoy sitting next to a table full of bratty kids. To that I say: who the fuck does, Kai? Yes, kids are miserable, rotten, loathsome, ghastly, detestable, horrendous, obnoxious, bothersome, aggravating, vexatious, repugnant, revolting assholes, but that doesn’t mean that everyone who has to sit next to one gets free cheesecake. There’s not enough cheesecake in the world for that to happen, Kai. Your balls must be bigger than a pair of coconuts to ask your server for free cheesecake for such a stupid reason. You can certainly ask to be moved or perhaps you can ask the parents of these children to stuff napkins into their mouths to make them quieter, but it’s not the responsibility of the waitress to bring you a plate of Toasted Marshmallow S’mores Galore™ cheesecake. I’m sure when you asked her for it, the waitress knew it wasn’t going to happen, but she wanted to let the manager give you the bad news. And although I wasn’t there, I can pretty much guarantee that this is how the manager responded to the request:

 

Listen, Kai. Sitting next to annoying people is kinda how it goes when you have dinner at The Cheesecake Factory. If you are determined to only eat in situations where you can be sure you won’t be near loud and annoying people, I would suggest you eat alone. You could certainly eat at home, but I don’t know your family and they may be worse than the kids you sat next to. Bottom line is this: just because you felt that the table next to you was too loud doesn’t entitle to you to free dessert and when a restaurant doesn’t bow to your wish of cheesecake ala gratis, that’s not a good enough reason to give them a 1-star review. You may have been disappointed with the manager, but my guess is that you fulfilled the stereotype of 90% of the customers he has to deal with and you didn’t disappoint him at all. It was just par for the course: somebody looking for an excuse to get free food from a chain restaurant. You say you don’t think you’ll be going back for a while, but I bet you will. You know you can’t wait to go back for that Famous Factory Meatloaf, White Chocolate Caramel Macadamia Nut Cheesecake and Diet Coke.

 

* I like to call ripping people apart on the Internet a “teaching opportunity.”

Read Kai B.‘s review of The Cheesecake Factory on Yelp

11 thoughts on “This Week’s Stupid 1-Star Review is from Kai

  1. KarenL.

    Don’t go out to family friendly restaurants if you can’t handle children. Some people really should stay at home and not dine with the public.

    I realize that a lot of times things are said in a humorous way, but sometimes the way some people talk about children, you would think they never used to be one themselves. Of course, those same people think they were ALWAYS well behaved, quiet, polite and perfect, unlike the “brats of today. ” It must be nice to have selective memory. Can’t people have a little bit more patience with children? Like it or not, they will always be part of life, and you shouldn’t be awarded with a cheesecake for doing so.

    Reply
    1. Tracy Fields

      Hi Karen, the reason most servers absolutely despise children is due to failure of parents to do their duty. As in : be parents. The parents that tell their kids “tell the lady what you want” and that child can’t speak even the simplest forms of english. The parents who allow their children to scream, poke us, bite us and other wise be horrible brats and these supposed parents think it’s 1. funny or 2. kids being kids. As servers we don’t have the time for this crap. Order for your kids don’t let them order for themselves until they can speak, don’t allow them to run around and bother other diners. We aren’t a babysitting establishment and our other guests don’t want to be disturbed either. So, parents doing their job of being parents would probably make us hate children a whole lot less.

      Reply
    2. Sosumi

      No. Because I remember very clearly as a kid if I begged for something in the store, or even thought about acting up in public, my parents would march me out of the place and I’d be in huge trouble when I got home. You learn very quickly not to be an asshole in public when your parents are doing their job.

      Reply
  2. Wyatt

    If you don’t want to be around loud children, who have not been taught appropriate dining behavior, or are to young to know the difference, spend a little more money and dine in restaurants where parents don’t take their children, or go out to dinner later, when the kids have gone to bed. But asking for free cheesecake, when you had an opportunity to request to be moved, BEFORE THE CHECK ARRIVED, or just leave the restaurant altogether, is disingenuous and insulting. In so far as I know, as a diner going out to restaurants most of my life, I have never read a disclaimer that said you’ll be guaranteed a quiet experience, and if not the restaurant will buy your dinner, or dessert of your choice. Seriously, grow up.

    Reply
  3. Chzserver

    As a cheesecake server at the Waikiki location and a previous server at several other restaurants, I can tell you cheesecake children are louder than any other. Inattentive parents, lack of social grace, the thought that the fruit of their loins banging silverware on marble tables is cute… I don’t know.

    Not worth a 1 star review, but rest assured that we all suffer.

    I just wish I could get a free slice of cheesecake after my shift for dealing with obnoxious children

    Reply
  4. JodyC

    Oh geez, entitled much? Kai needs a wakeup call — and I see she has already pulled the review.

    Yes, I’ve asked to be moved because of the people near me but you do so at the *beginning* of your meal, not at the end (ideally as soon as the others are seated next to you or when you see what table the host/hostess intends to give you). I also make it clear the reason is because of those near me and the server is excellent — and NEVER ask for something to be comped because it’s not the restaurant’s fault other customers are idiots.

    Reply
  5. Brittany

    I love hoe people use their hatred of children to bash them like its THEIR FAULT. Take a public chill pill and get mad at your ADULT counterparts for raising their kids poorly. Lol Kai should eat from home and buy from the dollar store if she cant afford her own cheese cake and needs it for free.

    Reply
  6. Shay

    One of my favorite things about the Bitchy Waiter is seeing that most of the people that he calls out end up deleting their reviews. It warms my heart.

    Reply
  7. Pingback: Detestable Horrendous Obnoxious | Chamblee54

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