Woman Doesn’t Understand “No Kids’ Policy

Every restaurant is allowed to determine their own policy regarding how they want to run their business. Once that policy is determined, it is up to customers to decide if they want to eat there or not. Old Fisherman’s Grotto in Monterey, California decided that their policy was one that did not include children eating there. On their Yelp page, it even states:

No high chairs.
No Booster chairs
Strollers not permitted in the restaurant.
Children crying or making loud noises are a distraction to other diners and as such are not allowed in the dining room.

Pretty clear, right? Well, not for a woman named Christine V. who recently gave them a 1-star review and also wanted the policy explained to her so she can comprehend it. I am here for you Christine. The folks at Old Fisherman’s Grotto are probably sick and tired of explaining the policy to thick-headed customers like you, so I will do it for them:

They don’t want your kids there, okay? You can threaten to never “darken their door” and you can encourage all of your stroller mom friends to avoid it like the plague but that’s not really a threat. If you and your friends have kids who need high chairs, they don’t want you there anyway. So by not going, you are doing exactly what they want. That’s like a vegetarian threatening to never go to steak house. The steak house don’t care and neither does Old Fisherman’s Grotto. The policy also states ”Old Fisherman’s Grotto is a relatively small restaurant and we found that having strollers and/or high chairs at the tables and in the aisles made it difficult to have full access to get to and around tables. For the safety of our staff and guests we adopted a stroller policy 5 years ago. We adopted our children’s policy in 2011 to provide an overall enhanced dining experience for guests who frequently dine at the restaurant, by giving them an alternative place to eat on Fisherman’s Wharf that has a quiet atmosphere.” That’s it, Christine. They want their restaurant to be a place where adults can be assured they will not have to endure the screaming wrath of a pissed off toddler whose mom dragged them in there even though there might be nothing on the menu that a two-year old wants to eat. Basically, they don’t want you there, Christine. There are literally dozens and dozens of other restaurants in Monterey, California that you and your child can darken the door to, just not Old Fisherman’s Grotto.

How can I make this more clear?

  • You and your crotch fruit are not welcome.
  • Take your crumbsnatcher someplace else.
  • Your cum sprout isn’t wanted.
  • Hoe biscuits are not allowed.
  • Your womb turd will be turned away.
  • One person’s bundle of joy is another person’s walking ejaculation.
  • Take your spawn elsewhere.

if it still isn’t clear, you might want to read chapter three of my book. CLICK HERE. That chapter is called “I Hate Your Kids.” I also offer this video for you, Christine:

Read Christine V.‘s review of Old Fisherman’s Grotto on Yelp

34 thoughts on “Woman Doesn’t Understand “No Kids’ Policy

  1. David Via

    There is no middle ground for this witch. 19 Yelp Reviews. 11 – 5 Star Reviews. 8 – 1 Star Reviews.

    Reply
    1. Larry

      Excellent. Book me a table. Always nice to know when you won’t be dining alongside kids and their idiot mothers.

      Reply
      1. Karen

        What a way to speak about a lady. It goes to show the respect you have for your own mother, as she was once, a what did you call them, oh yeah “odiot mother”. I feel sorry for her having a son like you….

        Reply
        1. Michele

          Karen–I think your first sentence negates the subsequent ones. Your premise that this woman is a “lady” is false. A lady wouldn’t leave a review like the one that was left.

          Bitchy–I would be proud if either one of my sons was like you. Calling out people who bully businesses because they don’t bend to the will of special-snowflake-princess-creating-parents is an honorable thing. Keep up the good work, my good man!!

          Reply
        2. Britt

          This is hysterical !! I keep re-reading your post and laughing out loud. Thank you for saying what most people are thinking!!

          Reply
  2. Deb

    I clicked on the link to Amazon and found a 1 star review from, you’ll never guess. I remember a kerfuffle you had with these jerks awhile back and this is in no way indicative of your wonderful book, but I did find this review funny.
    0 out of 5 stars
    Garbage
    This book is terrible
    Published 1 month ago by Consumers Against Tipping

    Reply
  3. Courtney

    I work at a beer tavern. Like, we serve craft beer, wine, spirits and food. The amount of times I have to say “no, we don’t have a kids menu” and no we don’t have fucking juice or chocolate milk. Why do parents assume restaurants have chocolate milk?!

    Reply
  4. David

    I trolled Yelp for more one-star High Horse “reviews” for Fisherman’s Grotto in Monteray. I sent them the link to this perfectly in-your-face blog post. Love, Dave

    Reply
  5. Zilla

    A couple of years ago, there was a restaurant in Houston, Texas called La Fisheria, that had a no children policy after 6 p.m. All sorts of people made a huge stink about it. Being a server in a restaurant that deals with children constantly, I applauded them. The last thing that I want to deal with on my one day off, if I choose to go out and eat, is someone’s screaming kid. My hat is off to any establishment that has the balls to step up and say “Nope. No kids in here. Sorry”. If I wanted to pay to eat and listen to other people’s kids I’d eat at McDonald’s, Burger King, or Wendy’s.

    Reply
  6. Rebecca Hoover

    I’ve eaten there, great place. Way too small to accommodate people with their giant strollers that they believe they should be allowed to keep with them so junior can sleep. I’ve had kids, they don’t need to go everywhere you go, take them to kid friendly places and get a babysitter when you want to go out for a nice dinner.

    Reply
  7. mensa58

    Thank you! Even at fast food restaurants kids & entitled parents can be a pain. One set of parents tried to put their high chair in between our tables and I promptly asked (no, told) them to move it to the other side as I was boxed in.

    Reply
  8. Erika

    I miss the type of parents who acknowledged that having adult-only times and spaces was crucial to their own sanity and to the sanity of all around them.

    Reply
  9. Julie Smith

    Totally agree..i would never force my children in anyone wanting a nice quiet meal…but now they are adults i dont want anyobe elses children wen i want a quiet meal…

    Reply
  10. Ashley

    I hate kids (love my own, don’t get me wrong), but what I find even worse to deal with than a screaming kid, is their piece of sh*t parents who let them scream and cry and make a mess! The kid doesn’t know any better! That is up to the parent to control their kids. Now I’m not winning any Mother of the Year awards, but my child does not act out in restaurants cuz he knows I will take him out of there so fast and give him the business!

    On the flip side, if I ever find myself near this restaurant, I’m so there. Momma needs quiet time!!

    Reply
  11. Karen

    As there is nothing wrong with kid friendly spaces there is nothing wrong with adult only spaces. I hate spending a lot of money for a nice meal only to have it ruined by an out of control child, which is sadly common now.

    Reply
  12. Clarissa

    I don’t understand women who think every place should accept children. I’m very happily child free. If I go out and pay money to have a nice experience I want a nice experience and for me that means childfree. People like her are so entitled. A business is free to choose what clients and environment. Shame on her for hurting a business because she disagrees with the policy. Reviews are there to help people know what quality they are getting. To review them negatively for something other than the product and service they provide is just wrong and vindictive.

    Reply
  13. Toni

    As a server who works in a restaurant that always seem to have screaming or kids running around on a daily basis. It’s very nice to have a restaurant that is child free so I can enjoy my meal in peace

    Reply
  14. Taralyn Johnson

    100% agreement. Owners should be able to choose their customers, whether that be no children, men/women, sodomites, etc. When you own a business you can choose with whom to engage in commerce.

    Reply
  15. Me

    It doesn’t specifically say no children. They just don’t want high chairs or strollers or brats being annoying. I brought my well behaved and very respectful 9 year old there and nobody said a word to us.

    Reply
  16. MomOf6

    I have 6 children, and I love the idea of a “No kids allowed” restaurant. I’m pretty sure there are many other parents who do as well. Kids can be annoying. There are a ton, most actually, of places to eat that welcome children, and cater to them. Find one of those places Christine. Bring your fertile friend too. You will find all the things your self entitled little heart desires. Crayons, highchairs, kids menu etc. What you will NOT find are other adults bitching because there are kids there. So shut up, go grocery shopping, stay at home and cook your own damn food in your child friendly home.

    Reply
  17. Celina

    She deleted her comment because of all the criticism and attacking going on. I for one will stand by what I said. I live in San Francisco & booked a special trip to Monterey on Father’s Day. My children are 1&8 and are always very well behaved. I’ve taken them to expensive restaurants before with no issues. For them to tell me that they could not seat my family on Father’s Day (the day that we were celebrating my boyfriend being a father BECAUSE of our children) was discrimination. Whether or not you have kids and you like them or not is not the point. The bitchy waiter is just that, a bitch. Taking a stab at people who have young children and still have the funds to eat at a nice place. I know how to control my kids…. maybe they should change the sign to “if you can’t control your kids you can’t eat here” that would be more appropriate.

    Reply
    1. Nobody special

      And there’s the rub. EVERYONE thinks their kids are well mannered and well behaved, even when they’re burning down the place. And these days no one is going to complain about the kids because they’re branded as haters and anti-mom and God knows what else.

      Reply
    2. Alanna

      *Eyeroll* everyone thinks their kids are well-behaved and should be the exception to the rule. All you’re teaching your kid is that rules don’t apply to you and you’re entitled to (ironically) whine until you get what want.

      If you have a one-year old, you know very well that they can’t be controlled as they have no concept of why they’re doing anything wrong. You can’t threaten them with punishment or take away toys. One-year olds are way too unpredictable. I call BS.

      Reply
  18. Ali

    Once you allow a family with kids inside, if they’re acting up and you ask them to leave, the parents are likely to be even more disruptive and possibly refuse to pay.

    You can’t let them in and wait and see. Just tell them to take their kids elsewhere.

    It’s no different than no shirt, no shoes, no service.

    Reply
  19. Dennie

    Hi, Bitchy! I’m going to Monterey next month to visit the Aquarium. Thanks for telling me the best place to eat on the Wharf. I’ll definitely be there, enjoying a quiet, peaceful meal.

    Reply
  20. Lee

    I wouldn’t take my kids there, honestly it sucks more for the parents when kids are…well being kids.
    Problem is once you allow discrimination, in any form, to raise its ugly head…it continues to do so.
    “Policy” is a fun umbrella to hide under…let’s see…policy for no kids cuz it’s an adulting kinda place, ok I get it.
    Wait you’re a heavily Christian bakery and you don’t want to make a cake for a gay wedding? Oh but it’s policy.
    Hmmm policy says no one can enter this place unless they’re male…oh well, thanks policy.
    Oh, policy says if anyone is gay they better keep it to themselves…oh wait policy changed…now policy says anyone trans can no longer serve their country.
    Oh policy, what will you think of next…

    Reply
    1. Nobody special

      But now you’re discriminating against people who have a phobia of children by forcing them to eat with children. And possibly causing undue trauma on a parent who lost a child by forcing them to see other children. But apparently you’re ok with their suffering and trauma.

      Reply
  21. G.B. Miller

    Discrimination? Really? So if I’m understanding some of these commenters correctly, It’s okay for someone to run a business if you approve of the policy, but not okay if someone runs it the way you don’t approve of. Boy, are you setting a good example of how you should get your own way because the hissy fit you throw surely means you should get your own way.

    Reply
  22. Deborah Carter

    Last year some of my family members and I came upon the sign at Fishermen’s Grotto. We rushed in! So wonderful. No baby scooters with crying kids and mothers with entitlement issues. We had a wonderful time and the food was great! I have told many people about the place, and that can’t wait to go. And I can’t wait to go again soon!!

    Reply

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