Eating out is hard, y’all. There are so many questions and rules to remember when you dine in a restaurant and no place is more confusing than eating at Olive Garden. While perusing the Olive Garden Facebook page, I came across a customer who had one of those very difficult moments in life when you just don’t know where to turn to. It seems that David went out to eat at Olive Garden and, by some atrocious human error, someone forgot to bring out his child’s second side dish. David did now know what to do. Now I wasn’t there, but I can only imagine how this went down:
Kid: Daddy, I didn’t get my spaghetti.
David: Oh. My. God.
Kid: Daddy, I want my spaghetti, I’m hungry.
David: Sweet Jesus. The spaghetti didn’t make it to the table, now what are we gonna do?
Mom: Oh. My. God. Our baby’s gonna starve to death. What should we do?
David: I guess I could give him a bite of my Baked Parmesan Shrimp, but isn’t he allergic to shellfish?
Mom: He is allergic, but what choice do we have? The waitress forgot to bring the spaghetti. My God, this is inhumane!
David: If only there was some way to get that spaghetti. Like, if there was a person who would come over to our table and ask us if we needed anything, but we’re in a restaurant. Does that even happen here? I dunno.
Kid: Daddy, there’s the waitress, why don’t you ask her to go get it?
Mom: Shut up, son! We are trying to figure out what to do and all your chit chat is distracting us.
David: Here, my child, eat this shrimp. It might make your lips swell and close up your throat, but we have no choice. Your spaghetti didn’t come to the table! My GOD!
Mom: I’m Googling what to do, but I can’t find an answer. What are we supposed to do when the waitress doesn’t bring all of our food? This is America! Why is it so hard?
Kid: Umm, that shrimp was good, but my eyes hurt. And my lips are tingling. I can’t feel my tongue. Is this real life?
Mom: Help! Help!!! My baby didn’t get his spaghetti and now we are forced to feed him poison! Help us, somebody!!
David: Here just eat some more shrimp, son, until I can go to the Olive Garden Facebook page for help. Facebook has all the answers. Son? Son? Wake up, son. Wake up. You need to eat some more shrimp. Son?
Mom: Oh, my Five Cheese Ziti al Forno is delicious.
Oh, David. Just ask your fucking server to go get the side dish. And if it was a to-go order, you call the restaurant and tell them what happened and they comp you a fucking piece of cheesecake next time. It ain’t fucking brain surgery.