Allergic to Too Much

Hostess: Thank you for calling Doug’s Donuts Diner, can I help you?

Man: Yeah, I’d like to make a reservation for two this Friday night.

Hostess: Absolutely, sir. It would be my pleasure to assist you with this. And what time would you like to join us for dinner on Friday.

Man: Any time between 6:30 and 9:00 is fine. We’re not picky.

Hostess: Okay, sir, thank you. Ummm… I can get you in at 7:45, will that work?

Man: Oh, yeah, that’s perfect, thank you!

Hostess: Of course, what’s your name and a contact number.

Man: My name is Willy Shocker and my number is 867-5309.

Hostess: Very good. And in an effort to make this a wonderful night for you and your guest, are there any allergies we should know about or are you celebrating anything special that evening?

Man: Actually, it’s our third anniversary!

Hostess: That’s wonderful. I’ll let the chef know and we’ll see if she can come up with something special for the two of you.

Man: Oh, man, thanks! That’s really nice of you.

Hostess: And what about any allergies.

Man: Yes, my wife is extremely allergic to nuts. Like, if she even gets near one, her throat swells up and her face gets all pinched and red. She kinda looks like a tomato that’s just about pop open from rot. And, you know, I don’t really wanna look at that on my anniversary, so no nuts please.

Hostess: Okay… no nuts.

Man: Oh, and dairy too. That gives her hives all over her chest and since it’s our anniversary on Friday I hope to get to play with her fun bags at some point that night, so if you could tell the chef to avoid dairy, that’d be great.

Hostess: Will do. I’ll tell the chef. Thank you for call-

Man: And no gluten or mushrooms. Gluten givers her the runs. And she’s not really allergic to mushrooms, but I hate them, so I don’t wanna try to be making out with her later with some skanky ass mushroom breath, so just tell him that too.

Hostess: Our chef is a woman, but I’ll tell her.

Man: Really? A lady chef? Weird.

Hostess: Is there anything else?

Man: Yeah, she’s also allergic to wi-fi and electricity, so if you could just seat us away from the router or any electric outlets, that’d be great.

Hostess: She’s allergic to electricity, sir?

Man: No, no, no, not really allergic to it, just sensitive. Makes her all shaky. But don’t worry, it’s our anniversary and I got my own ways to make her shaky that don’t involve electricity, you know what I mean?

Hostess: We’ll see you Friday at 7:45.

Man: And if I can’t make her shaky, we got something else that does and it uses batteries.

Hostess: Good bye.

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