Man Has Question for TGI Fridays. I Answer It.

Because I am a giver and a true humanitarian, I take every possible opportunity to share my knowledge with those who are not as well-versed in the ways of the restaurant world. That’s why, when I saw this query from Dane on the TGI Fridays Facebook page, I knew it was my chance to educate him. Dane went to TGI Fridays on a Saturday night after 6PM and was dismayed to learn that he would have to wait 30 minutes for a table despite the fact that there were several empty tables in the restaurant. I am going to skip right over whatever life choices had led Dane and his friends to be eating at TGI Fridays and instead delve right into the explanation of his question.

Here’s the deal, Dane. A restaurant can only seat customers based on their available staff, not the available tables. There could be 150 empty tables in your local TGI Fridays but only one server, so that would mean that they are only going to seat the number of customers that the tired, overworked, stressed-as-fuck server can handle. Imagine Dane, if you will, when you go to the grocery store and see several checkout lanes but only a few cashiers. Do you go to one of the lanes that is not staffed? Of course not, you wait in line for one of the lanes that actually has someone who will be able to help you. Same thing in a restaurant.

Still don’t get it? Okay, here’s another example. When you go to the bank, you get in line and wait for a teller to call you over, right? Well, sometimes there are only four tellers even though there may be seven or eight windows. Only an idiot would wait in line and then proceed to one of the windows that doesn’t have someone there to help you. Now, if the restaurant seated you at one of those many empty tables even though there was no server to take your order, wouldn’t that be the same thing as going to an empty teller window at the bank and expecting to make a deposit?

I know what your next question is going to be, Dane, so let me answer it for you. You want to know why the restaurant doesn’t have enough servers to take care of all the tables, right? Well, there could be several reasons for that, including but not limited to, a shortage of staff, call outs or maybe the manager just doesn’t give a rat’s ass if customers have to wait thirty minutes before they get a chance to shove a Bourbon Barrel Chicken down their eating hole. My guess is that a couple of servers called out sick that night. There is a flu epidemic going around and you certainly don’t want your server to have a 104° fever and snot dripping from their nose into your bowl of Spinach & Queso Dip. Or maybe the servers didn’t call in sick and they called in “I just can’t anymore.” Both options are quite feasible.

Dane, I hope this clears things up for you. The next time you go to a restaurant and see empty tables, now you will understand why you won’t necessarily be whisked over to one immediately. If this still doesn’t make sense for you, I can only assume that you are that person who goes to the grocery store and stands at a checkout lane that doesn’t have the light on and you wonder why it’s taking so long for you to pay for your TGI Fridays Mozzarella Sticks, now available at your local grocery store!

21 thoughts on “Man Has Question for TGI Fridays. I Answer It.

  1. Inquiring Mind

    Dane…….only a true douche revels in his own obesity as some sort of credential. I pity you. Really, You’re gonna get all Socratic about tables at TGIFridays????? GTF over it. I am curious, Can you still see your own penis??? How’s that for Socratic Irony?

  2. Dane

    Thank you for your interest in my post to the TGIFridays page. While the relative obscurity of your little blog here doesn’t afford me the sort of fame and viral notoriety that my personality deserves—- and typically receive—- the show of genuine affection from you is noted and appreciated.

    However, although you’re obviously very well educated and informed in the highly technical world of selling and delivering food and drinks, there are more-than-a-few things that you’re completely ignorant of about the Superhero that is Dane—- affectionately known to his friends and family as ‘Big Poppa.”

    I’ll gladly educate you. You can thank me later.

    I’ll start with the “Big Poppa.” This is sometimes deviated to “Big Daddy, Big Dane, Big Pappy, Big Man,” or some other indicative moniker that honors the fact that I weigh 350 pounds and stand 6’3” y’all.

    I’m a big fat dude.

    I love to cook, but the bulk of my girth was owner-financed one meal at a time at many fine purveyors of obesity around the south Alabama and Mississippi area.
    In other words—- I eat out a lot, and it shows.

    Most of my servers (note the possessive,) have been fine, efficient, and professional people. Many of them have become lifelong friends.

    The rest of them were self-important, under-accomplished losers like you who were stuck in dead-end jobs humping tables for tips because the owner didn’t drug-test them and they just couldn’t seem to find the inner strength to get that monkey off of their backs.

    I’ll pray for your recovery.

    Additionally, in my early 20s and before I finished growing up and getting a real job like an adult, my wife of 27 years and I both worked in the cesspool that is the food business.

    In other words, I’ve lived the waiter life on both sides of the table, so there isn’t one tap of your finger on your android phone that told me anything that I didn’t know already.
    Your unremarkable attempt at humor is duly noted, though.

    Now that I’ve covered that issue, I’ll explain Socratic Irony.
    In Ancient Greece, the truly intelligent men (you probably haven’t met anyone like them) would debate all sorts of things. Socrates developed a method to make points by asking questions to which he already knew the answers.
    He did this in order to lead his audience to his conclusion, but to do it in a way that compelled them to hear the answer in their own voices.

    This is what I was doing in my post about TGIFridays.

    Socratic Irony is only really effective on very intelligent people, so I understand how you missed it.

    I’ll beak down my point to 5th Grade so that you and your four faithful followers will understand.

    TGIFridays has empty tables because they failed to do their job of hosting and feeding hungry people in an efficient and worthy manner. Every one of you “reasons” are actually excuses for failure to fulfill that obligation.

    I understand that you’ve likely made a life of excuses and that living with that misery is what has made you so bitchy, but at the end of the day you’re responsible for your own misery and TGIFridays is responsible for their own staffing, management, and kitchen failures.

    Certainly, you all can continue claiming otherwise, but you’ll also continue locking yourselves into this life of miserable, pee-test-dodging bitchiness.

    You’re welcome.”

    1. Heather

      Um, Dane? Understanding the concept of Socratic Irony and being able to sense when someone is posting it on a forum reserved for the dregs of society are not the same thing. They have not yet invented a font for that. So it’s only natural to assume that you’re really that big a dumbbass. Judging by the way you flaunt your morbid obesity and base your comments on assumptions, the BW seems to have hit the mark.

    2. Amber

      The possessive is noted Dane. You are a true asshole.

      That being said, as fellow humans we still are concerned for your health. A link has been established, well supported and verified between your gut biome and overall health and wellbeing on every level including physical, mental, and emotional which is clearly being compromised by your propensity to over-consume a low-quality (highly processed and refined, nutrient-poor) diet. The results of said compromise are manifesting themselves in obvious ways (i.e. the lack of self-valuation that would enable a person to a] patron a TGIFridays EVER* but esp. on their Friday night b] with other, familiar witnesses present {you were a party of 4 by your own admission} and c] post those 2 facts to their social media account without any irony or chagrin.) All in addition to the obvious/classic health and social disadvantages of being morbidly obese. You are not in a good place, of which you are deep down surely aware and lashing out like this is just a symptom. We want you to feel better. Life is too short.

      You are not to blame; the sugar industry has put billions of dollars into getting all of us into the high/refined carb trap and suppressing info revealing all of its many, fundamental harms ala tobacco back in the day. But, you can take charge and turn it around. I encourage you to educate yourself and optimize your health. There’s a ton of information out there and easily available and accesible
      online and via podcasts etc.; we are lucky to be living in an age where we can self-educate and constantly seek improvement. Check out Chris Kresser for starters. I’m posting a link to a podcast he recently did with Joe Rogan, a dude who calls UFC and if you don’t already bro out to I’d bet you most certainly could. It’s an easy listen. Your social media post, BW’s reply, and then yours to his was not for naught. Seize this opportunity to flip your life for the better. NAMASTE.

      And when you want to slum it get the tgif mozz sticks from the freezer aisle and binge on them at home in private like the rest of us yo–

      *Much love to TGIF employees.

      1. Himejii

        This reply made me go blend up a green smoothie.

        Regarding the original topic: Having stumbled across this blog by accident and never considered this question before, I fully admit that I learned something today. I usually only eat at places that are small enough to only have 1-2 servers at any time in the first place, so isn’t really an issue for me, but it makes sense.

        To Dane: Asking a single question on Facebook hardly leads anyone to form your conclusion in some non-existent debate. Later claiming to have already known the answer doesn’t turn your question into Socratic Irony, it just makes you a know-it-all. You got exactly what you asked for: an explanation. Now you’re all sore because the blogger made you look ignorant.

  3. Sabrina

    Some people (who are idiots) hear this answer and still think they should be allowed to go ahead and sit at a table anyway instead of waiting in the lobby and/or bar because that’d be nicer for them. And then they could at least order drinks at their table while they wait for a server to become available, right? And maybe some appetizers, too, cuz how hard can that be? And full meals are really only one step up from appetizers, so how about some menus cuz we’re really hungry. Miss? Miss? Sir? *snaps* *waves* We know you guys are busy with those other tables over there, but surely you could bring us some ice water and lemons sugar packets while we wait, couldn’t you? And we’re really hungry and ready to order, so couldn’t you just be a dear and take our orders to the kitchen now? We’re already sitting down and everything, after all. Just make sure our burgers aren’t overcooked like last time, we must have seven extra cups of ranch, and remember Timmy here is deathly allergic to gluten.

  4. Erin

    You can never give good service if you are overwhelmed. Guests see that as well and it makes you look crazy because of all the things running through your head about other tables. I always make just about the same with only a few tables in my section and plus they flip faster and that means more $$$. Nobody wants a panicky server. So they just need to wait until we can give them the best service possible…

  5. Shannon

    Or maybe it could even be in between shift change. Your night shift server could be in a pre shift meeting or running late and if all their tables are full before they get on the floor that’d be wrong.

    1. Teacup

      Man, you should explain that last bit to my managers. They’ll sit the whole floor while the dinner shift servers are in the pre-shift meeting, meaning they get to stand around for 45+ minutes while they wait for their section to clear up.

  6. Jessica

    There’s also random things like the dishwasher walked out without tellkng anyone amd there is no silverware yet, but the guy who should be frying your food was just demoted back to dishwasher and is going slow because he is pissed (it’s happened) or there is a massive party that just lefy or is about to get there amd they’re resetting/setting up. No matter what the reason, I’m sure its a good one because restaurants want to make money and the only way to do that is to have butts in seats.

  7. Robyn

    I really wish I had these examples back when I was a host. People really just live in fucking lala land where all the tables can magically be taken care of immediately

  8. napoleonva

    I will never understand why people don’t get this. Your bank and grocery store examples are both excellent to try to explain this.

    Love your blog.


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