Baptist Preacher Explains How to Avoid a Gay Waiter

As many of you know, I don’t take kindly to people who can’t accept the sexuality of someone else and feel the need to denounce that person for being gay. I especially don’t like it when this vile hatred comes from someone who is swaddled in a blanket of Christianity and living in a dream world where they believe God thinks it’s okay to hate other people.

Case in point: an asshole named Adam Fannin who is the pastor of Jacksonville Stedfast Baptist Church in Florida. His church is part of a network of the Fundamentalist Baptist churches founded by another asshole named Donnie Romer. Donnie is a preacher who pretty much celebrated when dozens of people were shot to death in the Pulse nightclub shooting in Orlando. What we have here are two separate assholes. In my 30+ years of being an out gay man, I have had a lot of experience with assholes, but I want to really focus in on one particular asshole today and give that asshole my full and undivided attention. The asshole that will get that focus is Adam Fannin.

This week in his sermon, he wanted to share with his flock his advice on how to avoid a gay waiter:

I dunno, I guess he didn’t feel like talking about 1 John 4:7 that says, “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.” Or perhaps he didn’t want to repeat last week’s sermon when he used Romans 12:10 that says, “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.” And surely he forgot about Proverbs 10:12 that says, “Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses.” Instead, he was inspired by something that didn’t even come from the bible and said, “If I ever go to a restaurant and you sit down, and then here comes this flaming foo-foo fruit loop, right? And you’re like, ‘Oh great. I’m here to have date night, enjoy some time with my wife, and I can’t… because of the lisps, I can’t even,’ you know.”

Yeah, he’s talking about how awful it is to have a gay waiter.

He goes on to explain that you should look around for a “lady that looks like a mom” and a “very diligent worker” and ask that person to be your server instead. Because, not only is it wrong to have a gay waiter serve his food, he also needs it to be presented by a woman who looks like a mom. (And what the fuck does a mom look like anyway?) He at least encourages his sheeple to tip well, but only so that the “foo-foo” will know what he missed out on.

There are so many things wrong with this fucking sermon and I don’t know where to begin.

First off, what the hell does this have to do with church and the bible anyway? There weren’t any fucking waiters in Jerusalem serving Jesus as he was downing dollar chicken wings and slamming back Bloody Mary’s at brunch. It’s just another way for the fundamentalist Christians to throw a little more hate into the already fueled fire. Stick to the Bible, asshole.

Secondly, who cares if the server is gay and how does he even know the server is gay in the first place? Does Adam Fannin have an innate Gaydar or did his server come to the table dressed like Liza Minelli with some fully extended jazz hands? And does he think if he eats food that was handed to him by a gay person that his sexuality is going to switch over and he will find his spouse completely repulsive and disgusting? (“Welcome to my world,” says Adam Fannin’s spouse).

Thirdly, why is this okay? Why is this not considered hate speech? Oh, wait, because we have the First Amendment in this country that gives us the right to free speech. Okay, that’s cool. He can say it and more power to him, but it goes both ways, so now I get to say whatever I want.

Fuck you, Adam Fannin. I don’t know what happened in your life to make you hate certain people for absolutely no reason, but it disgusts me. And what’s even more disgusting is that you are in a position to teach and share, but you have decided to abuse that power and try to persuade others to accept your hateful bigotry. My hope for you is that one day, you are in need and the only person who can help you is a gay one. Maybe you think a gay person isn’t good enough to hand you a plate of fucking baby back ribs, but I bet if the only person who could save the life of your child was a gay man, you’d take that help as eagerly as a hungry bottom at a bukkake party. Gay people are all around you, Adam, and there may have been one in your church that morning who listened to your sermon and now feels like shit about their life. You can’t avoid gay people because we are everywhere. I can assure you that gay people have served your food, fixed your car, bagged your groceries, flown your airplane, cut your hair and I wouldn’t be surprised if one of them even touched your penis once when you were in some random bathroom stall somewhere and you thought no one would ever know about it. Stop worrying about how to avoid a gay waiter and start figuring out how you can find the love in your heart that you think Jesus put there. You’re a dick.

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