Top 5 Things To Know When Visiting a Tourist Town (and how to not annoy the service workers there.) (guest post)

It seems ironic that I am posting about horrible people who are on vacation while I myself am on vacation. But I promise I’m not a horrible customer. This guest post comes from Kailey Geary. You can follow her on Instagram at @kjgears. Thanks, everyone.  xo, BW

We get it. You’re on vacation. You’re happy. You’ve been on Bourbon St for the last 3 hours and drank 7 hurricanes. You’re looking to stumble into somewhere to eat loudly, and soak up all that Everclear in your stomach. You have your best camo on, with your favorite NASCAR hat and you want good service, dammit. But please, PLEASE, try to remember a few things.

1. We are not on vacation. On the contrary, we are on the opposite of vacation. We’re at work, dealing with your drunk ass. And we’re trying, we really are, to make your experience great but cut us some slack if we don’t have the same lust for life 9 hours into a double as you do on your vacation.
2. We are not human maps. We may not know where your hotel is, or that bar your cousin’s husband told you about, or “you know, that place with the drinks that have the sharks in them.” Sorry.
3. We are not licensed historians. We don’t know the history of all things in the city. Go on a history tour with someone who knows what they’re talking about, instead of asking me to make shit up to you while I’m trying to work an 8 table section and I know my food is up in the kitchen. My chef is 6’2 and told me the next time my food dies in the window he’s going to throw it at me.
4. Don’t ask “where the locals hang out.” I’m not going to tell you. I don’t want to see you at the bar tonight. I’m going to lie, the same way every other service worker is going to lie to you. We like tourists for the money, not the company.
5. If you see us walking down the street in our uniforms, leave us alone. Just because I’m a service employee does not mean I exist for your every need at all times.I don’t want to take a picture of your ugly family, or give you directions (seriously don’t we all have phones?), or have you say “going to work, huh? That sucks” as you chug you 86 oz beer, most of which you’ve spilled on your shirt.

So there you have it, a nifty guide to being a tourist. Come. Tip well. Leave. Oh, and a bit of New Orleans specific advice, don’t wear Mardi Gras beads unless it’s Mardi Gras. All they say is: “hey I’m not from here, please rob me.”