Kevin O. Leaves 1-Star Review for Stupidest of Reasons

screen-shot-2016-10-07-at-12-38-24-pmIf you know me, you know how much I enjoy finding some random asshole on Yelp who gave a 1-star rating to a restaurant for a stupid reason. I then then like to bring that review to the attention of the dozens and dozens of people who read this blog. Today’s Random Asshole is a guy named Kevin O. who gave one star to a San Diego restaurant called Lazy Dog Restaurant and Bar. I guess Kevin was celebrating his dog’s birthday last month. His dog is named Mama which opens up a Pandora’s Box full of mother issues and bitches. Kevin took Mama to Lazy Dog because they are dog friendly. When he got there, he explained to the hostess that it was Mama’s birthday and “told her to call the owner, talk to the manager, do whatever she could to impress” him and Mama. You know, because the hostess needs to drop what she’s doing and bow down to this three-year old bitch and lick her nether regions for her. Kevin met the manager Melissa who he says was “really good” and he told her to make something special for the birthday dog. You see, even though the restaurant has a dog menu with a grilled hamburger patty and brown rice or grilled chicken with brown rice, Mama deserved something not on the menu because she is a prized bitch and ordering off the menu isn’t good enough for her. When Melissa showed up with a bowl of watermelon and rice with a fucking candle on it, that was not good enough for the fanciest Mama in the whole world. So Kevin fed Mama some ice cream off his spoon but Melissa said that was a no-go. Even though Kevin licked the spoon clean after Mama had eaten off it, Melissa informed him that she would have to throw away the spoon. (Full disclosure: I have a dog and I do NOT share a spoon with him. He licks his ass far too often for me to want to share saliva.) Kevin told Melissa that he would leave the spoon out so she would know which one Mama had spread her Mama-ass germs all over. But Kevin didn’t do that because Kevin wanted to be an asshole. Instead, he left this utterly charming note:

Dear Melissa,
Let’s play a game. One of these spoons I used to feed my dog. The others are clean. Do we throw all out? But wait, the adjacent spoons are also contaminated. As well are the adjacent forks and knives. You must choose. Waste them all or sacrifice!

o

screen-shot-2016-10-07-at-12-34-04-pm
Screenshot because he might delete the review someday…

Listen, Kevin. You’re being a dick. The Lazy Dog Restaurant is dog friendly, but it doesn’t mean you can act like you do at home. Mama can lick your spoons, lick her asshole, lick your taint or lick whatever the fuck she wants at your house, but not at a restaurant. They had a dog menu that wasn’t good enough for you or that bitch Mama, but you’re going to leave one star because they only brought her watermelon with a candle? What did you expect, a sirloin steak covered in peanut butter with a sprinkling of bacon bits served on a bed of your tired ass dirty underwear that she loves to cram her snout in? They have rules on their website that you chose not to follow. Rule #3 specifically states that “your canine friend can’t eat off your plate or drink from your glass. We have special bowls just for them.” It goes without saying that silverware is included in that rule, but I guess they didn’t feel the need to say that because who the fuck lets their dog use a spoon in a restaurant? You say repeatedly that Melissa is not a bad manager, but you still have no problem leaving them a 1-star review because they didn’t want to bend the rules for you and Mama. Grow up. Anyone who reads that review is going to realize that you were the problem in that scenario and not the restaurant.

I hope you and Mama have a great life together sniffing each other’s assholes and rolling around in your own feces. The next time you take her to a dog friendly restaurant, why don’t you follow the rules and act like a responsible dog owner? My actual human mama always told me that if I can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all. I love my Mom but I don’t always take her advice: you and your Mama are both a couple of bitches.

Read Kevin O.‘s review of Lazy Dog Restaurant & Bar on Yelp

I wait tables and bitch about it on my blog, The Bitchy Waiter.

23 thoughts on “Kevin O. Leaves 1-Star Review for Stupidest of Reasons

  1. Little known fact, Kevin, most places don’t allow dogs on the patio. We actually had a city hall meeting to do so. But I live in a backwards ass town who wasn’t certain of the profitability of a food truck or what it even is. They don’t wander down to Austin. That’s for heathers and unChristianlikeFolk who leave the confines of their small TX town. It passed, but one guy wanted BSL added to it and another guy didn’t understand why anyone would ever want to dine with an animal. Most City Hall people are old and decrepit. But even when I lived in a big cosmopolitan city, it was a major no. Californians, amiright?!

  2. Wow! What a truly special little dick-shrivel we have here. I am half wondering if Kevin’s post/review is some kind of joke.

    It’s a nice touch that this restaurant certainly does seem above and beyond dog friendly. I have been to and worked for some dog friendly venues before. Usually the dog owners are simply thrilled to be able to bring their furry friend with them for food and drinks.

    Then…there is Kevin.

    My guess is that Kevin doesn’t work for a living. He probably doesn’t have to and this allows him the time to write sub-moronic Yelp posts and celebrate his dog’s 3rd birthday.

    We can’t change the Kevin’s in the world, and sadly sometimes we have them as customers.

  3. Personally I’d rather take a chance of eating off of Mama’s fork than Kevin’s. But that douche made even that impossible by licking the spoon that Mama used.

  4. Oh, Oh, Oh, Kevin O.

    You sir, are the very reason websites like Yelp should not exist.

    You come in, make big demands, without backing them up with a little cash up front, and expect the world to read your mind and know exactly what you are expecting.

    Your request for an off menu item was met. Your response:. A) Slam the entire restaurant with a bad rating. B) Be a total douche, and contaminate enough silverware for a family to be served with. C) Still maintain douche status, and make sarcastic comments about what others say about you.

    You must be a “little” man in so many ways. (Not a reference to height.)

    Do us a favor. Get A LIFE! Maybe a new owner for Mama too. She deserves it if she’s a rescue after all.

    G.

  5. Holy Jesus Christ y’all so stupid. If you think that’s a bad reason for leaving a one-star review then you must be very new to Yelp. I’ve written much less impactful one-star reviews. You should make an entire website about it. Oh wait you already did.

    If I’m a bad writer I apologize. I’ll use bitch and asshole more frequently next time. *see above*

    For the person talking about small claims court, you must be a lawyer with all that knowledge of the legal system. I can’t wait for my court date in 6 months. Worth!

    I do have mother problems, my mom is legit crazy, so you’re right about that, unfortunately I only came into Mama’s life when she was a 6 month old with a dog tag reading “Mama”. I think she got the name because she’s really sweet to everyone/thing.

    So let me try this again. I went to a restaurant that gets a lot of its business from having the word dog in the title. I’ve been there a couple times before and while I wasn’t impressed it was my dogs birthday and I couldn’t think of somewhere better to go. After overzealously imploring the hostess and manager to make a special dish for my dog, making it clear I would pay any price, they brought a black lab watermelon and rice. I’m not saying it was racist but…. Then I taught these bitches a lesson by possibly forcing then to throw out $5 worth of cutlery and since they weren’t smart *phew* they didn’t save that cutlery for months as evidence in the great small claims court case of 2017. Long story short, despite the slow service, horrible food, and possibly racist but certainly lazy bday bowl, we tipped but vowed to not return because alas, we feel a place that makes a ton of money off of dogs should pay it back a little on a dogs birthday.

    All kidding aside, yes I’m an asshole and everything else you would like me to be, but if you can’t see how easy it would have been for this restaurant to do something nice than you’re not bitchy waiters, you’re just a bunch of idiots… but I guess we already knew that.

    Something about rolling around in each other’s feces? Huh? How’d the dozens of you guys find each other?

    Omg this person has a book???????? Wtf has this world become? Holy shit…. smh.

    1. Oh my the entitlement on you, goodsir. My dogs’ 3rd birthday was Sunday. Sure, it was special /to me/, but to a dog it is just another day. They don’t have any concept of “YAYIT’SMYBIRTHDAY!!!!1!1!” other than “YAYI’MGETTINGMORETREATSTHANUSUAL!!!!1!1!1!”

      Cuz, ya know, they’re dogs. You know what I did for Max’s birthday? We went to a cookout at a park for my friend’s husband’s birthday. Sure, he got his own hotdog and plenty of leftover burgers and dogs. I was even slightly obnoxious enough to include him in the birthday song for aforementioned husband.

      Did I expect anyone to do anything special? No. Because he’s my dog, not anyone else’s, and I am the only one who cares that it’s my dogs’ birthday. Including said dog. Your dog is no different. She didn’t know it was her birthday, she just enjoyed going out and experiencing the world, just like every other day.

      And on a final note… racist? Are you fucking kidding me. Jesus fucking christ on my toast you need help.

    2. Not even sure why I’m trying to communicate with you because you seem to exist in a parallel reality where your every whim is of supreme importance, but you clearly have some google alerts out on yourself and maybe if you hear this enough times it will sink in to your fat head: other people exist Kevin. Other people want their lives to be nice, their jobs to be pleasant, their loved ones to be happy. The job of being a server is to suss out what will make other people happy, but if you have no clue what will make you happy, we are only human and our best guess is sometimes wrong. So look at this situation for a moment from the point of view of the people whose job you made super annoying by not having a clue. You walk in without chucking money around (there’s a huge difference between saying that you’ll “pay any price” and actually shaking money into people’s hands as a sign of good faith that you’re worth bending over backwards for) and demand that the owner (yes I’m aware that you settled for a manager) make your dog’s birthday “special”. These people don’t know you. They have no more reason to care about your dog than you care about their dogs. You refuse to order one of the dog dishes they have on the menu. You don’t tell them what your dog likes (if I take my dog out I either order her an unseasoned chicken breast or some poached salmon and I tip super well for the server being nice about it. I know what she likes best, I don’t ask the server to figure that out for me.) So the manager tries really really hard to help you (maybe her dog loves watermelon, and she was hoping your dog will too) and you get in a huff and not only make her day at work miserable, but prolong your bad impression by leaving a one star yelp review. So yes, now anyone out here on the internet can call you a douche canoe for being such a whiny entitled brat with no sense of empathy.

    3. Post stupid shit on the internet…expect to be insulted. Don’t want to be insulted? Don’t post. And frankly, the restaurant already did something nice for you by letting you bring your dog in. Anything after that is extra.

    4. If you celebrate you’re dog’s birthday in any way, you’re a fucking idiot. I guess it’s not too surprising that you act like an entitled asshole in a restaurant.

      And you’re a terrible writer, as well. Nice trifecta of failure, Kev.

    5. Youre still a douche kebab as one person already put it. What makes you so special? They did follow through on your request to be a pain in the ass and entitled by asking you get something off menu and soecial for the dog. But that just wasnt enough! You had to mess with them by playing silverware russian roulette. You seem very entitled and immature. Grow up. This is tbw’s domain and he is hillarious so no one will side with you on this. Just another pain in the ass patron who thinks theyre special and then needlessly messes with their server. I bet you tipped 10 percent too.

    6. Hi Kevin,

      As a dog owner AND a waitress I’ll try and keep this brief but hopefully enlightening for you.

      Props to you for trying to give your dog a great birthday–I’m sure you’re a great dog owner and you obviously love your dog very much. HOWEVER, ultimately your dissatisfaction with your service is your own fault. You went to a restaurant and asked for a service they do not provide–essentially a customized birthday party for your dog. While I can sympathize with this desire, why wouldn’t you find a business who is set up to provide these sorts of needs? Why would you go to a business who neither advertises nor has a history of doing this service?

      The restaurant advertises food, off of their menu, for dogs. Nowhere do they say that they’re canine nutrition experts, will make something off-menu for your dog, or drop everything they’re doing at the moment to wait on you and your dog hand and foot. They were nice enough to try and accommodate your vague and customized requests even though (as you admit) they were swamped. What you didn’t realize is that your table alone probably took the host+waitress+manager+cooks two to three times as long to deal with as any other table because of your personalized requests and the confusion this would inevitably result in.

      If you wanted a customized meal and experience for your dog’s birthday, you should have found a service offering such. Restaurants have menus for a reason–to tell you what you can and cannot order. Waiters ask your order for a reason–to give customers the responsibility to order exactly what they want, no questions. You chose to ask for a service the restaurant DOES NOT PROVIDE and, despite the fact that they went out of their way to accommodate you, you still chose to leave a bad Yelp review because it didn’t meet your unreasonable expectations.

      So yes, that makes you entitled.

    7. “…they brought a black lab watermelon and rice. I’m not saying it was racist but….”

      There is no way you are a real person. This is insane.

      1. I just cannot stop laughing at that statement. What could they bring a yellow lab? Just some rice maybe, that would REALLY be racist.

        But seriously BW, don’t be hating on Mama, it’s not her fault, it’s clearly KEVIN’S fault. She didn’t misbehave, he did.

  6. I just would like to point out that none of this was Mama’s fault. She just happens to be an actual bitch owned by an idiot.

  7. I can’t imagine how thrilled that hostess must have been when she heard the first words out of this asshole’s mouth: “Call the owner! It’s my dog’s birthday and they must make it special for her!” You just know you’re dealing with a special kind of stupid at that point. Unless you’re folding up and tucking C notes in everyone you talk to’s hands that behaviour is not welcome.

  8. If the restaurant was smart, they would hold onto this note, bin everything on the table, and go after this entitled millennial douchebag in small claims court for the replacement costs.

    Let’s see how much he likes it when he has to play a grownup game: court.

  9. Entitled douchebags like this make me homicidal! I dont have kids…I DO have pets. So my pets ARE my kids. However,just like when I am out with my nieces and nephews..there are rules. I dont let the kids run all over acting like wild feral children….they have to be polite to waitstaff…if they have a crying fit or tantrum I take them outside until it passes and dont just ignore it while everyone around me goes deaf.

    Same goes for my dog. There are lots of dog friendly restaurants near me and we take him from time to time. He is on leash. If he barks his head off, I take him outside until hes calmer. He isnt allowed to be in the aisle or jump on people (ESP waitstaff who may be carrying trays!!) And he eats whatever I order him (usually he just eats little bites of whatever Im eating that I pull pieces off for him because hes little and is usually too excited to eat when we are out) He doesnt give a tiny rats ass how “special” his order is. He is just happy to be out and about. All that other bullshit isnt for the dog…its so the owners can feel like special snowflakes.

    I pray to Dog they never have human kids because HOLY SHIT.

  10. What’s really amazing is when people go on Yelp and leave one star reviews without even trying the food! I work at the Congo Room in Palm Springs and since we just opened in April we have great Yelp reviews because the food is really good and the service is amazing except for a few one-star ones.. I guess we just have to accept the fact that people can just be douche kebabs sometimes.. but the least they can do is try the food before they bitch on Yelp.. love you Bitchy! You cheer me up on a daily basis!!!

  11. I hate when customers completely disregard the possibility that a restaurant makes these rules to follow the Health Code and make sure people don’t get sick, and then get mad at the people at the restaurant for simply following laws. Dickhead.

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