The Old Bitch & the Baked Potato

untitledEvery once in a while, someone sends me a message relaying an experience they dealt with at their restaurant. This story came from someone who wishes to remain anonymous but I decided to share it exactly as she sent it to me because it is such a perfect explanation of what we servers so often go through at work.  -BW

This is the story of the Old Bitch and the Baked Potato. I work at a Cheddars Scratch Kitchen (I’d prefer not to disclose the location as there is only one location in the city that I live in and we can be fired for complaining about customers on social media.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to Cheddars Scratch Kitchen, my name is-”

Old Bitch: “Water with lemon. The same for my husband and we’re ready to order as well.”

Me (politely ignoring the fact that my name is not, in fact, water with lemon): “Okay, no problem, what can we get started for y’all today?”

Old Bitch: “I’ll have the Lemon Pepper Catfish with very little seasoning but make sure the fish is extra cooked, almost crispy on the edges, and on the side I want an extra hot baked potato make sure it’s EXTRA HOT because last time it was so cold and no cheese on the EXTRA HOT baked potato and also a side of broccoli but with no butter and steamed extra long.”

*internally* (Well the kitchen is probably going to fuck up this order.)

Me: “And for you, sir?”

Old Bitch’s Husband: *opens his mouth to talk*

Old Bitch: “He’ll have the Grilled Salmon but cooked the same way as mine, and the same sides made the same way.”

*internally* (Well the kitchen is DEFINITELY going to fuck up this order now.) I put in every last detail of the Old Bitch’s complicated order and go about my business doing my job. I see that a coworker has run out the Old Bitch’s food, so I go over to check on Old Bitch and her husband.

Me: “How’s everything tasting so far guys?”

Old Bitch: “I specifically said no cheese on these baked potatoes!”

The Old Bitch then proceeds to pick her baked potato up off of her plate and place it directly on the table (which is disgusting because this means that I have to pick up her baked potato with my hands.)

Me: “I’m so sorry about that guys, I’ll bring a couple of new ones right out.”

Old Bitch mumbles under her breath about the offensive baked potato. A few minutes later I bring back two baked potatoes 86 the cheese.

Me: “Here y’all go, I’m so sorry about that guys. Is there anything else I can get for y’all right now?”

Old Bitch’s husband smiles and shakes his head so I start walking away from the table.

Old Bitch: “Um excuse me, I need to test my baked potato before you leave!”

*internally* (test it for what exactly? It’s a potato.) Old Bitch digs into the baked potato prodding and inspecting it, takes a bite, spits it out.

Old Bitch (yelling): “This potato is COLD, I specifically asked for an EXTRA HOT baked potato!”

Old Bitch proceeds to pick her baked potato up off of her plate and THROW THE DAMN BAKED POTATO AT ME. Luckily, I had a tray under my arm that I was able to catch it with.

12 thoughts on “The Old Bitch & the Baked Potato

  1. Pamela

    And let’s not forget, it’s a generational thing, the older they are, the worse they tip. I’m not trying to stereotype here, but it’s true from my personal experience. Old people leave horrible tips and I think it’s because they are uneducated about tipping. So, not only did the poor girl get hit by a cold spud, I’m guessing she probably got a huge tip nearing approximately $2. #serverlife

    1. Marcie

      My grandfather always always tipped exactly 15%
      Good service or bad always 15% not one penny more nor one less
      And he was a pretty cheap guy that grew up during the Great Depression

  2. Nance

    It would have taken every bit of what little control I have not to grab that potato off of my tray and hurl it at that old twat’s melon.
    How dare she?!!

  3. Capt. Luney

    Food should never be thrown at server,.
    That said, I have worked in South Florida ( gods waiting room) in restaurants catering to that favorite clientel,The elderly. And there are a few things that may need to be considered.
    1. Dentures can’t feel temperature. I’ve burnt my hands on a bowl of soup a guest was sending back to “put in the microwave , for me dear”
    2. Hearing aids don’t always work, they may see your mouth move and put their own words in there..
    3. Seasonings can kill, but that husband may want them anyway, therefore, he isn’t allowed to order. (I’ve encountered this with my own head strong diabetic honey..)
    4. Refills aren’t always appreciated. This isn’t necessarily aimed at this situation, but in a Ah-ha moment I realized, elderly people don’t even want to look at a full glass of water, because it reminds them of how their own bladders don’t work and they can go into actual panic attacks over getting to the restroom in time. My grandmother did this, even though she was wearing a diaper that we assured her she could “go” in and it’d be just fine, but trying to deprogram that fear of wetting your pants in public is a lot harder than you think.

    Lastly. I’m sure there are exceptions to every rule. I live for the day when I can be so old that I just don’t give 2 shits anymore. Sometimes calling out said old people on their bullshit, is the only way to learn the reasoning behind it. And you might even just make a friend because of it.
    Some of my greatest friends are sarcastic bitchy old people,that can take it as well as dish it!)

  4. Monica Baker

    FIRST! I think.

    Anyway, wow. Just wow. I hope the submitter asked the old hag to leave. Honestly that’s just nasty. “COLD POTATO” No lady, your tastebuds and nerves are so atrophied by age that you couldn’t tell.


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