Dear Customer,
I don’t care about your technology issues. They do not affect me. Please do not ask me if we have an electrical outlet somewhere that you can charge your phone, because this is a restaurant and not an iPhone charging center. Why would you expect me to carry your phone to the side stand for you and charge it just so you can be sure to have enough battery left when you leave to check your Tinder? No, we don’t have any outlets “right here.” They are away from you and if I take your phone and plug it in and it’s somewhere you can’t see it, who is responsible when water is spilled on it or it is stolen? Me. I get that you really want to have enough power to snap a flash photo of your calamari so you can send it to Instagram and Yelp, but it really isn’t my problem. The same thing goes for your iPad. And no, I don’t have “an extra charger” either. If you ask me to charge your phone, I will say no. I will make up some story about how our manager won’t allow us to do it. If I see some random phone that is being charged in the side stand and I find out that it belongs to a customer, I am going to take that phone and give it to the dishwasher and ask him to go take another picture of his junk. It will be a nice surprise for you when you look at your gallery later: Juan’s big uncut burrito. Mucho grande, no?
Do not ask your server to charge your phone.
Also, I don’t know why you don’t have a signal in my station. Maybe I would care a little bit more about a signal if I was allowed to have my phone with me while on the floor, but I am not so I don’t give a flying T-Mobile fuck about how many bars you have or don’t have. Put the goddamn phone in your pocket for thirty minutes and why don’t you try to have a real connection with someone for a change, like maybe with the person you came to eat with. Facebook will not dry up and blow away if you don’t check-in and no, we don’t give any discounts because you are the mayor on Foursquare. I don’t know what that means. Stop asking.
For those of you who do have enough battery to take pictures, enough already. At least let me put the goddamn plate down before you start doing a photo shoot of your penne pasta. None of your friends on Facebook are sitting at home waiting to see what you had for dinner. Trust me, they don’t care.
In conclusion, let me reiterate that no server wants to take your phone and charge it for you. It is annoying to us and not our responsibility. No amount of “pretty please” is going to make me want to carry your $200 toy away from your table and babysit it for the next half-hour. Do not try to convince me. And remember: if you do find a server to do it, you might just end up with some questionable photos of a very large Latino penis. Actually, maybe for some of you it’s worth a shot just to get your own private photos of a burrito dick.
Love,
The Bitchy Waiter
Mmp
I usually take their phone to the host stand where I know it’ll be safe and away from food and drink and it generally makes me a few extra bucks. On a scale of annoying requests it’s pretty low for me and it keeps them off it for the meal.
Cameron Grey Rose
Um I have to ask I frequently ask waiters to charge my phone but I also include a $20 tip. Of course sometimes they say “no we simply don’t have any extra outlets” but most of the time they do.
is that out of line?
G. B. Miller
I’m sorry, but anyone stupid enough to ask you to charge their phone deserves to have it “misplaced. Even I wouldn’t do something that stupid, and I know the people I go out to dinner with would never do such a stupid thing.
Randy Marsh
Geez you do not know how to have fun at your job. First of all I keep all chargers because it’s just another angle I use into tricking people into thinking I care so they give me their money. Secondly I have two words for you, DIK PIC’S, I can’t even tell you how many gloriously horrific photos I’ve left on other people’s phones. And not to mention how many naked pic’s i’ve sent myself of other people’s girlfriend’s. “Can you charge my phone”, certainly, you look like you have hot girlfriend and I could use something to post online to make my day better.
Anonymous
I really hope you are not serious about sending yourself those nudes without consent… That is a disgusting violation and if what you wrote is true then you are sick.
Anonymous
And posting them online to boot? FUCK YOU. I hope you get caught and have to spend the rest of your life as a registered sex offender. Fucking pig.
Restaurant Owner
I once had a customer ask if we had an outlet where she could charge her phone. I explained to her that our small restaurant is an old house and we simply can’t take any more current running through the outlets. The sneaky bitch thought she would be cute and plug it in behind another table with the outlet also providing current to the lamp. Imagine her surprise when she shorted out half of the lights in the dining room. I asked her “Do you believe me now?” Red in the face, she hung her head in shame. I then asked her to please leave my restaurant and not come back.
It is hard enough for my servers not to spill food and beverage on the customers’ electronic leash placed conveniently in the middle of the place setting, much less charge their vanity-laden little toys. Enough is enough!
Scott
I couldn’t agree more. The bar where I work has a few chargers of various makes and models. I try to be accommodating. However, this has also become yet another thing the public can judge service employees and the venue where they work.
Also, isn’t it a trifle presumptuous and an entitled way of thinking? Guess who’s job it is to charge your Samsung life-support system? YOU. If you just can’t bear to be without power or to turn your phone off for 30 seconds, then you should damn well bring a charger everywhere with you.
A regular this week suggested charging to charge phones and to use the bathroom sans a purchase. I have heard this suggestion before.
There have been a few places that have banned small children/toddlers etc. How about a restaurant that bans cell phone use?
BTW Mr BW, how do you handle customers who are on their phones while you’re trying to do your job ( get their orders, tell them the specials, ask if they need anything) As a bartender and manager I promptly ignore anyone who can’t interact with me in a polite and human manner for a whopping ten seconds. I find it rather satisfying and slightly cathartic.
Keep on keeping on and good luck with the book sales.
Scott
Elena
Ugh I used to hate that shit. I say used to, because 10 years of serving made me lose so much faith in humanity that I took a pay cut to work in the kitchen…where I now spend my happy days learning all the Spanish dirty words so that I have new inventive ways of cursing at our asshole employees. I’ve never been so fulfilled. Love your blog; it helps me reminisce (and by that I mean look back with contempt and loathing) about the good ole days. Just preordered your book! Mad respect Bitchy for all you do!
Raichu
I agree people should not ask you to watch their phone, or charge it for them, or if you have a charger, but asking if you have a table with an outlet isn’t a big deal? You can always just say “sorry, no”.
I’m not sure what kind of restaurant you work at, but unless it’s really upscale, it’s likely people will go to eat by themselves and they may want to be able to entertain themselves while they’re there, or even get some work done. I’ve been known to go to places like Steak n Shake or Denny’s with my laptop. I don’t let it out of my sight and don’t expect anyone else to take responsibility for it, but it’s nice to sit by an outlet if possible.
Tammy
I hope you are leaving an accommodating tip for the space you and your laptop are camping out in —- keeping your server from turning over your table and making money… and not just a couple bucks.
Kassia
About 5 years ago (before chargers were standardiz ed) I had a guy go beserk on me in a very busy restaurant on a Friday night over this. He literally told me it was part of my job to keep all the kinds of chargers behind the bar to give to people. Ok, buddy. Let me personally go spend a couple hundred dollars on phone chargers so assholes like you can walk out with them. Right.
Sharon
Inside the cold, silicone chip heart of most phones is virtually every single vital piece of information about the owner. And, since anyone rude enough to ask restaurant staff is the same person who thinks that anyone who works in a restaurant is sub-human.
Why would you trust any stranger with a little box with ALL your secrets inside???
OMG!!! Sir, I am so sorry. But, while trying to hook your phone up to a charger I lost my mind and sent a message that said “I love to drink toilet water with my dog.” So sorry for the inconvenience. But, your phone is fully charged.
Taylor
I’ve had someone tell me that too! How the fuck is it my job to be more prepared to charge your phone than you are?! Personally, I don’t mind if someone has their own charger with them and wants to plug it in as long as they don’t expect me to babysit it. But when car chargers and portable batteries exist, I don’t understand how people are so ill-prepared all the time.
Kim
I’d like to request a pic of Latino goody trail. Dicks are just not very photogenic. And can I borrow your charger?
SlumSlut
Excuse me, Bitchy Waiter! I have a question about the… “Juan’s Mucho Grande Burrito Dick” special? Is that circumcised or uncircumcised? I need to know because I’m on a strict foreskin-free diet, and I must be fed safely or I will get very sick in your restaurant.
Anonymous
Don’t worry, he said uncut