One would think that by now when someone leaves a negative comment on the blog or sends me a hateful email, I would be mature enough to let it roll off my back like water on a duck. Guess what: I’m not a duck. I am also extremely immature so when the following comment popped up on a blog post about automatic gratuity, it rubbed me the wrong way. Please read it and then please allow me the opportunity to respond:
Fuckin Whiners says: You servers are a real piece of work. If the pay and work conditions are so bad. Get a real job that pays you what you feel your [sic] worth. If you choose not to or cant, too bad for you. I don’t feel you deserve any tips. what do you? Pick up a plate and take it to a table. Yeah skilled labor. When was the last time you tipped someone who really worked for a living. The local AAA tow driver makes less then minimum wage. Are you tipping that guy who risked his ass on the freeway cause your dumb ass was too drunk to put gas. Or how about the cable guy who has to crawl under your house through the pet cemetery, so you have TV. Probably not. Every time my wife and go out to dinner and she wants to leave a tip. I calculate how much she wanted to leave and I stop by a local liquor store a give it to a bum. Same shit, a begger [sic], but at least he/she doesn’t expect it from me. And I get my windows washed.
Okay, Fuckin Whiner, how do you get off on coming to a blog called The Bitchy Waiter and feel it’s alright to slight our profession? Your argument is as poor as your syntax and use of grammar, sir. I am so sick and tired of people using the “get a real job” card that it makes me want to throw up and for once, the urge to vomit has nothing to do with the margaritas the night before.
First of all, waiting tables is a real job. We go to work, we punch in, we perform tasks that are required by our employer, we earn money while we are there and with that money we pay real bills and we also pay real taxes. What part of that seems unreal to you? Our job is more real than this “wife” you speak off because I find it hard to believe that any woman would want to marry a cheap asshole like you. Let’s call your wife what she is: a blow up doll.
Secondly, you want to know when was the last time I tipped someone who worked for a living? The day before yesterday, that’s when. I had a furniture delivery (You see, I bought two new chairs with the money that I made at my real job) and I tipped the delivery guys. As for your example about the AAA tow truck driver who makes less than minimum wage, I’d like to know where you learned that kernel of “truth.” I can’t imagine that a tow truck driver makes less than minimum wage and if he is, he has a serious lawsuit on his hands. I would suggest that he starts waiting tables so he can make more money. Besides, I don’t consider driving down the freeway “risking his ass” for his job. He’s not a firefighter scrambling through flames on the roof of a burning four-story building, he’s a tow truck driver riding down on an Interstate Highway just like everyone else does who owns a car. Regarding this cable guy who you say crawls under your house through a pet cemetery, um.. what the fuck are you talking about? Who the fuck buries dead animals under their house except for crazy fucking nut jobs? Are you saying you have a pet cemetery under your house? That is some crazy Stephen King bullshit right there, man.
Thirdly, you say that your wife wants to leave a tip when you go out to eat but you won’t let her. How 1950’s of you. Does she wear an apron and have dinner cooked when you get home from the office? Do you give her an allowance each week so she can go to the market and buy groceries? Does she have reinforced seams so that when you have sex with her she doesn’t pop and if she does pop, do you have a warranty on her? There is no way in hell that what you say is true. Mostly, I find it hard to believe that you know how to calculate a tip unless you have an app for that. Let’s say your bill is $57 and you calculate that a decent tip would be $5.70 (we all know that you would be a 10% kind of dick). You’re telling us that you actually take that $5.70 and drive to a liquor store to find a beggar and then you give it to him if he washes your windows? Bitch, please. If you’re not going to leave a tip, you should save that money to upgrade your wife from blow up doll to one of those silicone Real Dolls and finally take your relationship to the next level.
Thank you for your comment, Fuckin Whiner. (By the way, I find it hilarious that you chose a screen name that you meant to insult us with, forgetting that it’s what you have decided to call yourself, dumb ass.) Your comments are always welcome here just as your wife will always be welcome in a recycling bin for paper or plastic.