Yesterday, I posted on the Bitchy Waiter Facebook page an article about servers getting revenge on especially horrible customers, or if not revenge, then wonderful examples of karma. The article had three amusing little anecdotes, but I knew that the people who read Bitchy Waiter would have way better stories, so I asked to hear some favorite moments of mean customers getting what they deserve. And boy oh boy, there were some doozies. By reposting some of these stories, I am in no way condoning such atrocious behavior. I would never treat any of my lovely customers with such disrespect and it’s not like I spit into a glass of lemonade in 1990 at the Black Eyed Pea on Highway 290 in Houston, Texas when I heard a hillbilly asshole customer call me a faggot.
WARNING: What you are about to read is not for the faint of heart. Here are the top 20 ways that servers “got even” or saw karma raise its beautiful head at customers who were less than nice. The list only get worse as it goes down, so if it gets to be too much for you, click here to escape the horror.
And always be nice to your server.
20. Jennie: Last week actually I had the typical dbag gf/apologetic bf duo, and she was so ridiculously rude, that every diet coke I gave her was actually regular coke.
19. Elizabeth: Karma is revenges best friend. I had a women who was rude, and ran me ragged the whole meal, bad tip no surprise there. She visited the ladies room before she left. Walked back to the table to collect her things and proceeded to leave, yup a 2 foot long piece of toilet paper stuck to her shoe!!! I walked behind her with the biggest smile on my face! Enjoyed every single second! Ha ha!
18. Priscilla: I once had a table of teens dine and dash. Only, one of the young dudes somehow managed to forget his crutches. So, when he hobbled back in I made him pay the whole table. Karma served perfectly, if you ask me.
17. Michelle: Not so much getting revenge as karma being a bitch. One time I had a lady that wanted 12 different checks – then yelled at me that I was taking too long to separate them. She walks out to her car to find a parking ticket for parking in handicapped parking. Best. Day. Ever.
16. Megan: I had an ex boyfriend who managed to get a customer’s name and address. The man was married so my ex sent gay porn to their house…
15. Erika: Guests left their birthday present $50 Starbucks gift card after leaving $10 on $200. I’ve been filling up on free coffee alllllll week!
14. Amanda: I have had this one couple that I have served for 5 years and they are AWFUL! demanding, demeaning, and horrible tippers. The one day the wife left a super expensive Burberry scarf, I just didn’t have the time to run after them to return it…and I now have a really nice scarf.
13. Laurie: Nasty bitch — top notch wench customer — Was lucky enough the next morning when I was out for breakfast with my kids to see her sitting in dining room of popular local restaurant . My youngest was still in baby carrier. I whacked her right in the head with it as I walked by, and I bent down looked her in the eye & said OOPS — loudly, sarcastically and with a little laugh.
12. Zackary: I had a table of 4 Applebee’s Corporate asshats (I was not working at Applebee’s) that got upset with me because i raised an eyebrow after the 15TH OBAN (scotch) NEAT and then complained to my boss in a drunken rage. Needless to say i asked my friend who is a manager for Applebee’s about him and apparently that night he got a DUI.
11. Matteo: I worked with a gal who used to “butter” asshole customers… basically this would consist of placing a blob of warm butter on the top of your hand, on the fleshy bit between your thumb and forefinger…and then you would go to the table, put your hand on the back of the customer’s chair and lean in to ask how everything is..as you lean in the part of your hand that has the butter on it touches the back of their shoulder, dress, jacket, whatever, and a gentle twist and release move is all that is needed to leave the melting blob behind… really messes up a suede jacket…she was my hero.
10. Ruth: I’ve always been lucky enough to be tipped well ! But a few summers ago, ( deck outside) 2 guys sat and drank beer all day. ! Didn’t turn my table over for 5 hours ! There bill was 185 , no tip …….. As I was leaving , my shift was over , someone came up from behind and asked if they could give them a boost because there car wouldn’t start. ! Guess who. ??! I told them I could for $185.
9. April: Many years ago, I waited on 2 asshats that gave me exact change for their bill. After they left, I went over to clean their table, and they had dropped $200 on the floor. They called a couple hours later asking if someone had found the money. As if! If they had been respectable and tipped, I would have given it back to them.
8. Sarah: I was managing one night on the patio of an upscale restaurant. I was doing table visits, and one patron told me his steak was terrible, that he could get a better piece of meat at McDonald’s. I offered to replace it and comp it, but he continued yelling at me about it, so I walked away. 10 minutes later I came back with a McDonald’s cheeseburger and fries. I played it up and sprinkled parsley on it. I dropped the plate in front of him and said, “there’s your better piece of meat sir. All you had to do was ask.” And walked away. He got up from his table came after me, and to my surprise he was laughing. He became a regular and would often bring business associates in and relive the story of how I put him in his place.
7. Nicole: One time this girl was being a total cunt to one of our kindest bartenders. The bitch had ordered a steak salad. We poured a 4 oz ramekin of dirty dishwater over the entire entree salad, and watched her eat every bite. “Tastes great!”
6. Kezwick: Worked at a casual dining spot in Brooklyn… Woman at my table was so unhappy with her meal (and life) that she called me a bitch to my face, among other words (classy, right?) She paid her bill and left, and as I was clearing the table I notice a fake coach wallet/ iPhone case (prob her prized possession)… No iPhone but packed with credit cards, cash, etc… Walked down the street and threw that shit RIGHT in the corner trash can…. Whoops!?!? Some hobo picking through the trash had an awesome day.
5. Justin: Those “extra lemons!” you rudely barked at me for repeatedly even though I was obviously very busy and had already brought you enough to cure a small nation of scurvy? They all came from the floor in the kitchen. Enjoy!
4. Shelby: Made an excellent milkshake for this guy, come back to ask how it was and he said it was terrible and he was being rude as shit. So, I took it back and when I re-made it, I balled up the scoops of ice cream and took them to the dirtiest region on our never-clean break room and rolled them around on the floor.
3. Marc: I’ve hacked a fat loogie in a guys Cesar salad before. He was my friends ex and he liked to get physical with women during a fight, so I had no problem watching him sit at my bar grubbing down on my loogie garnished Cesar.
2. Marisa: My first serving job was at a family diner, a rude guy would bring his wife and 5 kids in every Sunday because the restaurant ran a surf and turf special with lobster tail on Sundays. They ordered shakes every time, for every child. The guy was always a huge tool, always made his kids snap in the air to get my attention and ALWAYS tipped exactly one dollar, handed to me while he laughed and said “don’t spend that all in one place” which would get snickers from the wife and kids while they walked out the door. One Sunday, I saved the dollar and used it to make his change the following Sunday (he always paid in cash, the bill was always $86.15 in 1994) I had of course wiped my ass with it.
1. Ryan: Had a lady send a margarita back 3 times… On the fourth time I dipped my nuts in it and sent it back. She must have liked it because I didn’t see it again.
And this is where all the sanctimonious servers out there can condemn those of us who have stooped so low….
Thelma Montyr
BW, this is the first time I’ve commented on your blog (as far as I know). If your blog stats show someone who’s reading from the very beginning, that’s me. Hi!
I am not a server, nor have I worked in the restaurant industry, but I enjoy reading anything that captures my attention, so here we are.
I don’t know how I learned about you (it was years ago), but reading your blog entries from the beginning have (hopefully) taught me how to be a better customer. And to never read your blog while I’m eating, because I never know what you’re going to write about.
This particular post compelled me to respond, even though it’s years after you wrote it. I have to say, most of the items in your list didn’t particularly move me one way or the other, but some are calling out to be addressed:
#3: Marc’s story kind of made my stomach turn. Having said that? He was totally justified!
#1: If Ryan’s nuts taste that good, I want to meet him. Unless he’s gay. Then he’ll have no use for me. Or unless he’s straight and young, but isn’t into women his grandmother’s age. LMAO!
#8: Best story in the list (IMO). I love how Sarah used creativity and humour (yes, I’m Canadian – we add a random “u” to some of our words) to put a potentially troublesome customer in his place. But major kudos to him for recognizing what an ass he was being and turn it around and become a regular customer.
I’m almost 10 years behind, but I’m reading a bit every night to catch up. I love you, I love your humour (with a “u”), and I love your ability to spin a tale. See you in later posts…… <3
Megan
While many of these were deserved, and most were funny, the first (about serving regular coke instead of diet) could cause serious harm to someone with diabetes, and no matter how awful a person is, they don’t deserve that.
comment
nah fuck that they deserve every bit of it. rid the cancer of the earth.
Amy
Way back before digital cameras, I worked at in a hotel restaurant by Mall of America. When crappy tippers or rude people asked me to take their picture, I’d cut their heads out. Can’t do that anymore….
Taanja
# 3 # 4 & # 5 — been there– done that. I may have licked some assholes toast once or twice. perhaps I even — ooops! –dropped that muffin on the floor and pick it right up and put it back on the plate and served it all delicious with floor spooge on it.
Serving sucks your soul. It is the ultimate soul sucker.
Emily
I had a lady come in with a large group of people and not only her, but the rest of group were being inconsiderate rude assholes from the moment they sat down. I went around the table writing down their drink orders and when I got back around to the first bitch, I asked what she would like. She proceeded to start twisting her fingers and hands and said super slow “I said da da da hotta tea” (mimicking a mentally handicapped person) and the rest of the table laughed. I had to step back cause I was so infuriated. So I cleared my throught and replied ” mam I dont find that funny due to the fact that my child is special needs (he has autism). I watched as she was clearly not prepared for that type of response, and by now all of my other customers have turned their heads- including ones with a severly handicapped child two tables away!! I then told them I would not be waiting on them and made my friend take them and walked away while the rest of the resteraunt berated them… Best insta-karma ever!!!
Liz
Whenever a table of three or more is rude and asks for a split check I always say sorry! The system only lets me split it once:/ then I usually tell them I can help them work their calculator app if they need
Rachael
#6 was a getter for me because it has happened numerous times. After giving pristine service to large parties and running down the street to give them back whatever item without receiving even a thank you, I’ve decided to discontinue such a service. Rather, I deligate which belonging are deserved amongst staff. Toothbrushes from your child’s last cleaning? Straight to my cook who has 4 kids. Gift card after you leave an unsubstantial tip? Me. Awesome, costly umbrella? Cooks. Be less complacent about your belongings. If I get drunk somewhere and wake up the next morning, I don’t expect to have all of my shit.
Kate Beech
I work at a diner/supper club type restaurant and bar. A weekday regular was notorious for being exceptionally rude, and for filling her purse with creamers and sugar packets (especially obvious because she only drank water), along with anything else that wasn’t nailed down. One day, the waitress spotted her coming in, and poked pin holes in the tops of all the creamers at her usual table. Sure enough, they were all gone when she left. We never saw the aftermath, but she stopped taking condiments home after that.
"
Nothing unusual here…sounds like typical waitstaff to me…and explains why they will always be waitstaff.
Sue Pred
What do you do brain surgery?
Kelly
I was working at a hotel in a ski resort and had a family of entitled rude douchebags. They were obviously what we refer to as 212ers. Manhattan area code. Think they’re the shit because they can afford to stay at the Park Hyatt. Meanwhile the wonderful people at the table next to them own a 10 million dollar second home in the valley. They treated everyone in the restaurant like we were gum on the bottom of their shoes. They made a big mistake when they signed the bill to their room. Knowing they were going skiing early the next morning, I proceeded to call their room while at the bar post-shift, wait for someone to groggily answer and hang up several times. Did that a couple more times after I got home too. Hope they had a great day on the mountain after having their sleep interrupted all night long!
Deadringer
I’m normally not one for any type of revenge against customers… But I had these 5 preppy girls in the diner I work at… All was going well until they kept asking for extra powdered sugar and whip cream for their 3 pancakes and 2 sets of French toast..had me cut up extra lemons for their water. Make about 8 hot chocolates with it being busy… It was winter and they were wearing those $1,000 coats with the really fuzzy hoods… Only one girl said please and thank you the entire time…. She was the only one who tipped and the only one who didn’t end up with syrup on the fuzzy hood…. I like to touch soft things……
Alexandra
I love it when OCD customers come into the restaurant and undertip because I always have the PERFECT revenge. One in particular was an awfully rude lady who came in with her friends right when we were getting ready to close. After making me bring her hot water to clean her silverware, wipe down the table and booth multiple times, have the bartender re-polish her several wine glasses and have the cooks clean the fryer and grills for all of her “allergies,” I finally brought the $97.47 bill. She left the total on her credit card receipt line at an exact $100.00- a measly $2.53 tip for me. I made sure to enter it in as $2.52, so that when “Miss Particular” checked her bank statement the next morning it would show a beautiful $99.99 statement from the night before. The pure enjoyment of fantasizing her ripping out her hair from the inconvenience of a penny on a bank statement as well as knowing she would look absolutely NUTS if she called a manager to complain that I had actually UNDERtipped myself gives me the chuckles. I never saw her again but my gut tells me she most likely noticed it!
Ally
I once had a man reach over my hostess podium and grab me by the shirt because he was upset that “we had a shitty buffet”. He proceeded to call me a stupid whore. Found him in the newspaper a few weeks later while on my break at work, he got arrested for poaching. The owner framed the article.
Victoria
I once worked at a kids camp on a volunteer basis for a number of years. I was 19 when i became the head cook. We had this little ass hat of a cabin leader. He abused the kitchen staff (teenagers who bring you your food, set tables, wash dishes and bring you refills of anything on your table.) always told the guys it was a girls job. Snapped his fingers at them, etc….
He kept sending back a platter of sliced cucumbers saying they tasted funny. I got pissed that he kept abusing my fellow co workers. Finally they brought back the cucmbers once more and I licked every single one of them, sent them back and they raved to my face about how much better these ones were.
Hugs and high fives all around. He kept abusing the staff so at the end of the summer I put laxatives in his dessert. Spent the best night of the summer on the crapper.
Bitterbiotch
I have passed judgement and exacted revenge like I was the appointed goddess of the dining room for 6 years. Sometimes it is the only solace in face of the gross injustice of having to serve swarms of aholes and idiots. If I ever get caught, I’ll take full responsibility, so to me, the key is not getting caught. Multiple times I have spit in drinks, but that never seemed enough to me. When a customer I hate forgets their credit card in the check book, I pretend nor to see it so the dumbass will have to come back to get it. Once I squeezed a packet of ketchup into the bag of a woman who was a regular and regularly awful. Be rude to me and forget your umbrella, and you will NEVER see that umbrella again. I guess the worst I’be done is present a bottle of expensive wine, pour a tiny bit into the c*nts glasses, then open a cheap one, and continue to pour from that (because 99% of people can’t tell good wine from ass juice) and down the expensive one in the restroom myself. Risky, but a handy cloth napkin did the trick to cover the label.
Susan Hickey
So it was a extremely busy day and a single lady requested corn with her mean. I ordered the meal right but the cooks were over worked and understaffed and mistakenly put beans on the plate! As i servered the order this lady lost her mind over the green beans embarrassed not only herself but me!
The next week I happen to see her in the store and very politely walked up to her with a can of cornand let her know how disrespectful and rude she was! Embarrassed is an understatement of how she acted and got called on it!!
That was a good day!
Jeni
I had been flirting with my now husband for months ( he was a regular customer and told me he was single and just broke up with his ex of 4 years) he brought her in one night, as they were trying to work things out. Her food of course was ice cold and kicked around a bit in the kitchen. His was perfect. I won and got the prize. She would come in with her friend and request my station. Big mistake. 20 years later she is still a loser and wanting what I still have!!
Fitzgerald
I threw a dime, not a dinner.
I cursed them not cheesed them.
Fitzgerald
My first job was at Denny’s in a college town. I worked night shift and made decent money but had to put up with a lot of drunk college kids. I have two stories that stand out from my time there.
I was the only one serving after a late night, day shift would be in within the hour. I had two young college boys come in and ask to sit in the only part of the restaurant that was closed off. They ordered a couple apps but were very stand offish the entire time I was at the table, sniggering at me for no apparent reason. They also ordered milkshakes (right after I cleaned the machine) but that’s what I’m there for and made them two beautiful milkshakes which they both promptly sent back because they were “too thick”. I remade the milkshakes, and tried my best. When I brought them to the table they decided they wanted them to go. When I went to go transfer them into to-go cups, I caught them trying to leave without paying. They said weren’t leaving just going to they car to get their wallets. I said, ” Well, can one of you stay behind?” One of them reluctantly stayed, but miraculously already had his wallet on him. They paid and I knew there was no tip on the table, but their sniggering as they walked out the door made me wonder if they left me a mess or what they’d done in the back /closed section. I go back to find a dime under an upside down glass of water. You know, where they’ve managed to flip the full glass upside down with all the water still in it. I miraculously manage to retrieve the dime and I’m pissed at this point. I run out to the parking lot and call it to them, “hey guys! You forgot something!” They turn around, “What?”
“My tip!!” I said and threw the dinner at them. They mumbled some f-yous and started to get in their car. I yelled, “I hope some one in your family dies soon!” To my surprise they said, “yeah, me too!” So I said, “in that case, I cheese you with forever being able to taste the spit in your food!” They looked shocked and I left them standing there wondering if I’d spit in their food. Of course, I hadn’t but now they’ll always wonder whether I had!
My second story was even more satisfying.
Another late night shift, this time right after the bars closed (our busiest rush of the night). I had a table of 3 thugs end up in my section, so drunk one of them promptly passes out at the table. The other two are belligerent and can’t decide what they want. After giving them many chances to order, they finally end up ordering some omelets. They make a big deal about the eggs being perfect,”or we ain’t gonna eat that sh*t!” They eat their food, wake up their buddy and try to walk out on their bill. I was waiting at the front (you pay at the counter at this Denny’s). I ask them to come pay me at the counter and there insist the money is on the table. I tell them to bring it up to me. They blatantly pull cash out of their pockets and throw it at me, obviously nothing was on the table.
The very next week, the same guys show up again and end up in my section again! They don’t remember me but I sure do remember them. We go through the whole thing again, same guy passing out, the warning about how if ain’t perfect they won’t eat it blah blah blah. When they finish, the guy who spoke the most wanted dessert. He wanted cheesecake. I gave him the options and he says, with all seriousness, “I want p*ssy cheesecake.” I’m flabbergasted, “Well, we have strawberry, blueberry, or plain.”
“I want p*ssy cheesecake!”
I know full well these guys won’t tip, so I say, “alright, one p*day cheesecake coming up!” I go back to the kitchen, find the biggest piece of cheesecake I could get, pick it up and lick the entire length, put it on the plate pour both sauces on it. I present it as p*ssy cheesecake and he laughs. He eats every bite, then they try to walk out again. I catch them, again. They pay and stiff me, again. I follow them out to the parking lot and yell out to them, “hey guys! I licked your cheesecake!” They want to fight, but being an 18 year old gay boy, I ran back inside. My manager got a call 20 mins later from the guy saying, “that faggot licked my cheesecake!” My manager was my buddy and knew what I did and knew the guy deserved worse than what he got for being such a horrible d-bag. He asked the guy, “did you see him lick your cheesecake?” The guys said, “no, but-” my manager cut him off, “Well if you didn’t see him then I can’t help you. Good bye!” The guy called back a few more times but we just hung up on him. It was glorious!
Billie
I waited for years and never no matter how rude a person was would dream of spitting into any food ( or worse), that is gross and lazy. I always knew who was going to be a problem with in the first few minutes. So they would wait extra long for food,I would ” forget” stuff. As them if there spouse was doing well when I knew that they were the ones at the table, when they would say, no this is my spouse, I would just say, ” oh, I thought so and so you were here with last time was your spouse, sorry , my mistake.” . If they tipped bad I would chase them down and return the tip, saying, “You must have forgotten this, you clearly need it much more then me.” I always played dumb as a brick , and sweeter then honey in each case so they never took it as me being an ass. Many times people apologized to me the next time, or at least were much better behaved.
Dave j
I have several close friends that work as servers. I was at the next table at this particular 24-hour diner that gets very busy on weekend nights/early mornings. There was a drunk jackass patron that was harassing my friend (the waitress) ever since they were seated, playing grabass, sexual comments, etc. At one point he demanded water for his table. So my friend brought a pitcher to the table, dumped it in his lap and walked off. The manager sided with his employee and kicked them out. This is just one of many such stories.
Jess
I used to work at a little hot deli. My fiance at the time would call when he was leaving work and ask that I have a big meal of whatever was the special that day and as much chicken and jojos waiting when he swung by on his way home. He never paid for himself so I’d cover the cost. UNTIL I found out he was going to his New girlfriends house and going out with her, taking her that for dinner at work etc. Needless to say the food got progressively crappier and every piece of chicken and jojos I set aside for him was burned and sat on the floor under my breading station until he called… The only terrible revenge I ever took, but I’m not gonna pay for your whore to be well fed.
Kayla
I work at a hole in the wall sports bar. We used to have this crotchety old man who would come in for 50 cent coneys every Saturday. He’s creep on all of the wait staff and wouldn’t even order a beer because he was so cheap. His tab was always $2.92 including his small coke (no free refills, unlike the large) and your tip was always his $0.08. One day, he ordered two coneys and after demolishing 3/4 of one, sent them back because they were “too cold”. Knowing this jackass, he sent them back so he could get more free food for the same money. So I brought them to the cook and told him to remake the guy 1 and 1/4 coneys nice and hot. I brought them back to him and he pitched a fit about not getting a second full coney (but the bartender is also the manager and she agreed with me), then he burned his mouth on the rest of his food. To top it off, he asked me to “top off” his empty coke, so I took it, filled it back up, and asked if he’s like me to charge him for a second small coke or just the refillable large. He said he wasn’t going to pay for either, so I snatched the full coke right back as he tried to take a sip and dumped it down the sink right in front of him. He stiffed me (I don’t know how I’d survive without the eight cents!), but we haven’t seen him since. Public service if you ask me.
Chaz
Theft is theft.
oldie
I worked in a london cafe and it was great. No tipping required, decent wage! and normal interactions with people. Once a fat family were giving grief to my colleague, so she said “change your attitude or you can fuck right off”. The manager looked at all of them and nodded.
nice.
Jamie
Once I had a table come in 3 minutes before closing. They were extremely rude & told me i was lucky they came in to give my life purpose. After they finished their meal, they demanded dessert (all of the dessert cakes were microwaved w/a scoop of ice cream so my manager told me to give it to them). They had told me not to start cleaning the rest of my section until after they had left because they didn’t want to feel rushed (it was now 12:30 am & we closed at 11pm). I was so frustrated, so the other closer decided to take revenge for me. He placed each of their dessert spoons in his underwear & got ball sweat all over them. Then when they finally payed, after he ran their card, he placed their credit card in his ass crack & walked around for a bit before giving it back. The lady put it in her wallet & as she was leaving I saw her smell her hand…I was crying from laughter! Then Tom (not his real name) helped me clean my section. Best coworker ever!
Violet J. Rose
Classic stink card
Kate
Yes, I’ve done the ‘declined AMEX’ a few times for idiotic, rude businessmen trying to impress their buddies.
One time, I had two guys come in, lounge all over my chairs, take a nap, be rude and snappy to my waitstaff, and then they ordered Thai Green Curry. And they wanted it ‘hot’. No problem. Myself and the chef added extra-extra-extra-extra chilli, plus some extra salt for good measure. Then plonked a giant jug of water on their table.
And they couldn’t say anything because they asked for it to be hot 🙂 They left soon they ‘didn’t’ finish their meal. Flipped us the finger on the way out, but I never saw them again 🙂
Peach
Once as a padwan, I had to serve a man who became aggressively homophobic as he drank. I couldn’t call him out on it, as I was new to bartending and worked at a chain who would easily dismiss his behavior. A couple wanted to intervene, but I stopped them. They knew who I was and I knew who they were, but this asshat was not worth our time. An hour later, he was drunker than he needed to be and the sun had not even set. I sent him to his hotel room with all of vitriol and he returned an hour later looking for his glasses. I hope he hadn’t left them on the floor, and I hope me and said table didn’t accidentally step on them in his absence. I hope they weren’t thrown away in a dustpan without notice. It is hard to be blind in a new city that you know nothing about, especially when you hate all of the good hearted gay guys who would have happily been your friend.
Sharpbehind
Im sorry, but in nearly twenty years of BOH and FOH, I have never seen anyone mess with food like that. That is just gross. I have worked all over the restaurant scale…from shithole to fine dining, and if I knew someone was adulterating food I would have quit ASAP!
PNWest
I”m with you – 18 years, I never saw anyone mess with people’s food like that. It’s disgusting. I suspect a lot of this is just fanatsy. The one and only thing I ever did was to a horrible grandmother and grandaughter, (and completely beat-down grandfather who never uttered a syllable.)
This was a 6 year old who RULED THE WORLD and grandmother had spoiled this child ROTTEN. I mean, central casting for evil child in a movie. Beautifully dressed, perfectly curled hair – and just a horrible, horrible, horrible child and equally horrible rich bitch grandmother. Truly awful people.
She drank Shirley Temples. And we all know the fight we servers have over trying to find some cherry juice from the maraschino jar to make the stupid thing, cause the boss and the bartender ain’t giving up the grenadine. So here they come, every Sunday, and I drew the unlucky straw this particular day – after the 5th beverage I had to make, ignoring all my other tables because I had to scrounge around looking for cherry juice, I’d had enough. I made her another one and put 6 packets of Sweet n Low in it. Last one of the day, thank God.
I know that’s weak and lame compared to the revenge other people have posted, but it’s just not cool to mess with people’s food. I once made a cook re-do a steak that I saw him drop on the floor, scrape up with a spatula – floor spooge and all – and throw on my customer’s plate. I lost my effing mind! I was so glad I saw that – and I pulled the kitchen mgr over, told him about it, (screamed about it, more like) and he did make the cook re-do the steak. There’s a code of trust, and to protect MY OWN food-ordering Karma, I never, ever fucked with people’s food.
And that “5 drops of LSD” story – right. Throwing the bullshit flag down on that story. NO one who enjoys a buzz is going to waste THAT much money, or drugs, LOL! Never happened.
I wish I had thought of the butter on the suede jacket thing, I can get behind that! I just never really spent a lot of time on trying to get revenge. Sometimes I’d just “forget” to bring something, if they were asshats and I knew the tip would be shit anyway, fuck ’em. NO sour cream for you!
Sue Pred
Well said. The butter job is a beauty. I also think the LSD story is bullshit. I would not be wasting drugs of a recreational nature on a asshat.
Maria
Thank u! At least I’m not the only one who thought BS about the drugs. Thats too much money to waste and no one would do it, unless maybe they were the dealer and had some they would “get for free”.
Rachel
Thank you! After reading the post, I felt I had to scroll way too far into the comments to see someone else that was disgusted. Sometimes we serve shit heads, doesn’t mean we have to stoop to their level. I would also march out if this behaviour was commonplace among my coworkers.
Natasha
Another tale that’s more karma than revenge: I worked for four years at one of the best restaurants in a small city with an Ivy League university (from which many of my fellow servers and I hold advanced degrees). We never took reservations, except for the university’s graduation weekend. One year, I hosted both Friday and Saturday nights of that weekend. On Friday, we had a four-top no-show their $50, unrefundable-deposit reservation.
They came the next night. I pointed out that their reservation slip (a written voucher that we had mailed to them months earlier) clearly said Friday on it, and politely explained that our indoor tables were completely booked. I offered them a table on our lovely patio in about an hour and a half. Dad and the girls were disappointed. But Mom started to pitch a tantrum: “are you FUCKING KIDDING me?!? Well, you must have written it down wrong because I KNOW I made the reservation for Saturday night! This is BULLSHIT!” etc… She must have dropped about 20 f-bombs; she was making a huge scene and yelling so loudly that I had to ask all four of them to step outside with me so that we could resolve the situation. In ten years of restaurant work, I have never been spoken to so rudely, or even witnessed that level of inappropriate behavior. And I’ve served both Pat Robertson and Lindsay Lohan’s dad!
When it was all said and done, the sheepish-looking dad, indifferent daughters, and still-fuming mom ate their very special Ivy League graduation meal crammed into the last remaining seats at the bar. Our wonderful badass bartender killed them with kindness, and the best part of my night was when she told me that the very special Ivy League graduate had forgotten her I.D. When our bartender told her she couldn’t be served without it, she said, “this fucking sucks!” I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree…
Tommy
I had a regular customer who was absolute hell to me every time he came in, I’ll call him Grumpy. He and his buddies (who were very kind to me) always sat in my section every Saturday (I have a feeling it was the friends of his who determined that table, as I loved them). Everything he ordered was “too spicy” “too dry” “too over done” “too sweet”, needless to say he was never pleased by a damned thing. Whenever I took his order I would make sure to note to leave all spices, including salt an pepper, off his food as usually it was the spices that he bitched about.
Well one Saturday, they all came in as usual with Grumpy. After the usual go around with him, it came time for desert. Grumpy had peaches, canned, with whipped cream which was his usual. The rest ordered the Spice Cake which was made special that day. They all complimented, commented, and raved about the cake. Grumpy pushed away his peaches, treating me like I was stupid for serving him the only desert he ever ordered, and demanded a piece of spice cake. I reminded him it was SPICE cake, and that he said he could not stomach spices. “DAMN IT, GIVE ME THE FUCKING SPICE CAKE!!”
I took back the peaches, I got a piece of spice cake, dipped the bottom of the cake in HOT cayenne pepper, and served it with a dollop of fresh whipped cream. He took a bite and paused, and pushed it away. The other guys were still talking up how fresh and tasty it was. He finished the whole piece!! He couldn’t loose face after the fit he just threw…. But he never complained about the peaches ever again!
As they say, it is best served cold….
April
I’ve always did the “I’m sorry, you’re card has been declined.. I’ve tried it 3 times”… Always loud enough for most of the dining room to hear. Lol truth is, I stood bullshitting and counting silver wear for 5 minutes… Never once ran the card.
MassMarvel
OMG! Perfect!
Allie
Hahaha.. this is pretty brilliant. Wish I’d thought of it during my serving days!
Sue Pred
Genius
Alye
Good one!
Jesse
Jerry Prevo, a known homophobic pastor here in Alaska, came to my place after a Sunday service with a couple of friends. After refusing service from a gay server friend of mine (he pretended that there was a glare from the window, but we all knew what was happening), I happily volunteered to serve him and his awful friends.
They were freshly out of church, so they were feeling “so very blessed”. Jerry ordered a reuben sandwich. I personally marinated the pastrami in the toilet and topped it off with a couple of gold nuggets I found in my nasal cavity. The strawberry rhubarb pie that his wife ordered was missing something. I knew exactly what it was. My balls. A fresh ball brushing on the top crust was the perfect compliment to a couple of hate mongering assholes that hide behind religion.
Only people I have ever fucked with to this day.
The Bitchy Waiter
I heart Jesse.
Helen
This is revolting. I would never rub my genitals on someone’s food, or drench it in toilet water. Why would “gay pride” drive someone to be a pig? What’s worse is the support someone gets for being disgusting in their filth. I can not understand what would motivate someone to act like such a coward, tricking another person into eating their ball sweat and boogers. Should this encourage me to support gay culture, knowing that if I don’t I’m going to get toilet sandwiches? I guess if you go around digging in each others poop holes it gets pretty hard to figure out when you’re being gross.
Emily
That was not gay pride, that was revenge. He was not trying to convince you, you sound pretty prejudiced already. He was just giving someone what he felt they deserved. Not everything a gay person (or a friend of a gay person) does is about gay pride.
Joe
Yeah, you’re pretty much an ldiot.
Mark
It wasn’t about gay pride. It was about someone being treated badly because of who they are. He didn’t do it because the people were homophobic. He did it because they were hatemongers that treated his gay friend poorly.
And you, sister, are on the wrong page if you have a problem with gays. (Which you obviously do, so get the fuck out.)
Devi
Fully agree Mark
Jennifer
No one is encouraging anyone with this. However, I believe you missed the point. This homophobic plaster and his wifi openly showed their dislike at someone orientation. If they weren’t so openly hateful maybe just keep to themselves. Don’t poke a bees nest if you dislike it.
lainey
Your homophobic comments about digging in butt holes is the very reason you should get a ballsweat poe crust.. you don’t have to like gay people however there’s no good reason on earth to be rude to someone simply because they’re gay
Sandi
My only issue with this and all similar posts is that this homophobic cunt isn’t being taught a lesson as he doesn’t know this has happened. Would be better to do something that made him realise what an ignorant prick he is.
SlumSlut
#2 (LOLOLOLBBQ) is disturbing. Marisa shared her ass cells with all of us. This type of thing is exactly why I always wash or wipe my hands after handling cash, and why I try to use plastic or checks whenever possible.
Not funny or cool at all.
The Bitchy Waiter
Yeah, kinda nasty…
Lucy Diamond
It’s nasty, but c’est la vie. I had these two bitchy cunts one time running me dry. So I figured instead of doing something bitchy to them, why not give them something that’ll make them happy. So, I took out a vial of LSD and dropped about 5 hits in each glass. I noticed them drink the hits when their faces turned a bit sour. I hope they enjoyed their fresh mint tea.
Much better than my co-workers who used splooge as the mayonnaise as the spread on this dickhead’s bread.
-Love Lennon
Jorge
LSD? Are you mentally ill? And five drops none the less…..for someone not prepared for the trip it can turn really nasty. Could be they are in a psychiatric ward today thanks to you.
Totally irresponsible.
Allie
Agreed. Drugging someone without their knowledge is one of the most twisted, fucked up things you can do. It happened to my aunt and she thought she was losing her mind and had no idea what was going on. That shit is fucked up.
Bills Cosbys
Could have been worse, a little dab of cyanide would have solved the problem instantly! xD
Amy Bradshaw
Love the name
Chris
Then don’t be an asshole to your Server. I don’t condone everything on here but really, you do deserve bad karma for being so rude to people who are otherwise powerless just because you can get away with it. We really are paid to serve you, not be your doormat.
Jennifer
I had a co-worker of mine who had a real bitch of a woman at her table…just super condescending, rude, and demanding. This lady ordered another bottle of Bud Light and my coworker brought it to the table. As we watched her drink it, my coworker informed me that she put several drops of Visine in her beer. She was ready to leave shortly thereafter.
Another coworker of mine had a real douche at his table. Our name tags are attached with magnets. He paid with a credit card and it went through the “magnet reader”… several times…vigorously. haha Have fun payin’ for anything else, ya dick!
Liz
You do realize that the active ingredient in Visine, when ingested, can cause death right? It doesn’t cause diarrhea, but it can cause body temperature to drop, vomiting, internal bleeding, lowered heart rate and blood pressure, and even coma. Anyone who does this prank is an idiot and highly likely to be prosecuted and then sued for damages — and maybe locked up for life if they die. gg.
Liz
Oh, and it takes a really strong magnet to demagnetize a credit card (or a computer, for that matter). Jokes on you for not being very bright. 😛
Betty
The magnets used for name tags are strong enough to ruin the credit card strip.
April
I never had anyone too horrible, but I will admit to being EXTREMELY passive aggressive (I was a teenager!) I would sit super nice people right next to the raging assholes and then loudly compliment and simper over the nice people, thanking them for being patient, polite and friendly. I would then offer them a free appetizer or dessert (we had special coupons)All loud enough for the assholes to hear. I would then walk away.
once, someone yelled at me that they were going to Village Inn, so I offered them directions.
Paulina
When I was young I worked as a kitchen help in a fancy restaurant. Occasionally, the waiters would tell us to burn someone´s tongue. Then we would make diabolo sauce spéciale, i.e. with twice as much chili powder (or rather more). When we brought tears to an evil customer’s eyes, we knew we had made at least one server happy.
White Russian
one time a very unhappy demanding and altogether shitty couple with two kids was running up a tab, and then flipped a $75 off restaurant.com coupon at the end of their meal (never mind for “present prior ordering” bs). When presented a bill, the father started shitting his bricks all over the floor trying to untwist his panties that got into a terrible twisted roll as he saw gratuity added. No shit, Sherlock, or otherwise we served you for nothing after your fat discount was applied.
Manager came over and decided to appease a nasty motherfucker by taking gratuity away completely. At the end – less than 10 % of the total amount, severe frustration and my twisted mind sending me on a mission.
Reservation book kept the # of the assholes, which I carefully placed in a craigslist “hookups” section along with an ad offering free nasty sex to all the guys in city and asking to send their r rated pictures with long fat dicks.
so the bitches probably got tons of dirty sexting there. I created a new email to check out the return. It was over 200 hundred email responses in the first day, God knows how many texts they got from all the horny nasty guys in town. Which town? Oh, I placed the same ad in NY city, Boston, Orlando, Vegas, Charlotte, Dallas and Chicago. This craigslist site comes in handy sometimes.
we$lie
This is seriously awesome – never would have thought of doing that but so funny!!
Ashley
Omg i never thought of this….
John
#16. Bad Karma dude or dudette. That was totally BS. You deserve what you get. Just saying
Jessica
You’re a complete Rockstar!!!! The long term effects of this are way better than merely spitting in their food!!!
SkippyMom
#13 and #8 are my absolute favs. I really enjoyed most of these and wish I could’ve done some of them myself. Or had them happen to me – like the $50 starbucks card or scarf. 🙂
Jeremiah osborne Baker
Hi, Im from Kentucky and leave false google reviews of a Nebraska roofing company. 859-256-0309
Andrea Brinegard does it also. She works Altard State. She is a manager
E
Heads up, the first one could be dangerous to do to a customer— switching out diet/regular soda can mess with blood sugar and really hurt a diabetic, even a majorly rude one.