The Happiest Waiter in the World

"I love waiting tables!"

“I love waiting tables!”

I seem to have gotten a lot of emails and comments of late that all have the same tone: “if all you do is bitch about your job, why don’t you get another one?” Rather than answer that tired as hell question again, I have decided to ask a guest blogger to write today. Allow me to introduce to you, Scotty, The Happy Waiter. Hopefully, his positive attitude will rub off on me. -BW

Hello, everyone. My name is Scotty and I will be your blogger today. Hardy har har, that’s just a variation of what I say at work, get it? Cause usually I say, “Hello, everyone, my name is Scotty and I will be taking care of you today.” Thank you to The Bitchy Waiter for asking me to write today’s post. It’s my day off and I was going to spend it memorizing the ingredient lists for every entree at work, but I can do that later. No, it’s not required at my job, but I love to have all the answers for my guests. It’s not going to be an easy list to learn, but golly gee, I’m gonna do it, even if it means I have to pull another all-nighter this week. I already had one three days ago because I stayed up all night sewing a new apron for myself. My old one wasn’t doing it for me. It only had two pockets, so I redesigned it to suit my needs. Now it has a special place for my change and my pad and all the pens that my customers use. I also created a secret pocket for my favorite lucky pen. It’s just a Bic that I bought about four months ago ( MY FIRST DAY AS A WAITER, October 24, 2013!!). I keep that pen for only me to use and I dunno what I’m gonna do when it runs out of ink. Cry, probably. Hardy har har! Sew (get it? I used “sew” instead of “so” since I was talking about sewing) my new apron is also a different color than everyone I work with. Their’s are black but mine is a very, very, very, very dark grey. I think it sets me apart from my co-workers.

BW asked me to write about whatever I want so I thought I would just tell you how much I love waiting tables. I LOVE WAITING TABLES! There is something so gratifying about knowing that I can create the perfect atmosphere for my tables and make their night special. For example, a few of nights ago, I could tell that the couple at Table 107 was not in the best of moods when they sat down, so I made it my mission to cheer them up by the time they left! I pulled out all the stops! When I took their order, I crouched down at the table so it seemed like I was their friend and not just their waiter. I could tell they liked it. I also said this to them: “

Hello, my name is taking care of you and I will be your Scotty today. Oops, reverse that!”

That’s a little joke that I use to lighten the mood and show them that we’re all here to have a good time. My trainer taught me that one. He’s worked here for nine years and everyone says he’s bitter, but I don’t see it. Every time I use that joke, he laughs the loudest. He’s great. On my first day, he played a joke on me that involved emptying all the hot water from the coffee machine. I don’t wanna say what happened exactly because I don’t want to spoil the surprise when I use it on the next newbie. (Newbie is someone who is new to waiting tables, unlike me, who has been doing it for four months.) When I took Table 107’s app (that’s short for appetizers) out to them, I brought them an extra ramekin of our spicy signature bloom sauce and I could tell that they were really pleased with my service. (By the way, did you know that our Bloomin’ Onion is only 325 calories per serving? It serves six, but honestly, I can eat a whole order by myself! I memorized the nutritional information three weeks ago.)

For dinner, the man had Victoria’s Filet and Lobster Tail. The filet is supposed to be 6 ounces but I asked the chef if he could give him a 7 ounce portion instead. He threw a bunch of sweet potato fries at my head when I asked him but I could tell he was just being silly. Chef Chico is so funny! The woman ordered a Bloomin’ Burger and I told her that since she already ate half of the Bloomin’ Onion, if she wasn’t careful she was going to turn into one!! Even though she didn’t laugh, I could tell she thought my joke was funny. They didn’t want dessert which is too bad because I was going to put a birthday candle in it and get all the other waiters to sing happy birthday to her, even though I don’t know if it was her birthday or not. I just thought it would make the night more memorable. Oh well!!

They left me a 10% tip but I was so happy. I know that people can only tip what they can afford and that for very 10% tipper, there is a 12% or even a 15% tipper right around the corner!

Okay, I’d better go. I hope BW likes what I wrote. I just wanted to let everyone know that waiting tables makes me proud of who I am. I can make a difference for every customer and SO CAN YOU! If you ever feel down about your job remember this: servers are the gateway to a better dining experience. WE ROCK!!! Now get out there and make those 12% tips!!!


  1. Emily
  2. kron
  3. Cheyenne
    • kron
  4. aj
  5. Megan
    • The Bitchy Waiter
  6. Debbie
  7. anne marie
  8. MrsMac
  9. Tasha
  10. April
  11. Tanner
  12. IrishStubborn
  13. dave
  14. McKinsey
    • Renee

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