Servers Don’t Need Resumes, So Says One Clueless Individual

"I don't need no stinking resume."

“I don’t need no stinking resume.”

I am a server. I have a resume. It seems impossible that anyone who wants to try to get any kind of a job, even a serving job, would not have a resume. Would you ever consider walking into a restaurant without one? Of course you wouldn’t. It’s a necessity or at least in New York City, it is. Some people think otherwise.

A Bitchy Waiter reader down in Phoenix, Arizona was innocently watching the news last week when one of the anchor people reached out of the television and slapped her face with a big palmful of disrespect. Adam Longo of KPHO, CBS 5 was jizzing out a story about Amy’s Baking Company. (You remember them, right? Those are the crazy bitches who brought down Kitchen Nightmares and now they are about to have their own reality show because this is America where horrible people are rewarded.) Anyhoo, Mr. Longo was telling his viewing audience how interested applicants should send in their resume for consideration. This is the precise moment when he thought it would a great time to insult anyone who has ever worked in a restaurant when he dribbled out words to this effect: “I never met a server who had a resume.”

What the hell? Does he think that we just crawl into the restaurant and beg for a job and the manager chooses the one who looks the most needy? Does he think that servers don’t need resumes because the only thing we need to know how to write are words like “medium rare” and “substitute salad for fries?” No, asshole, we go in with resumes that are printed on paper and then hiring decisions are made based on the experience and job history.

I did a search to see if I could find video of these offending words, but was unable to confirm it. Perhaps the people who run Adam Longo’s KPHO Facebook page thought that it wasn’t a good idea to post that video clip. I did, however, find his Adam Longo’s Twitter page and found a tweet where he acknowledges that he had pissed off a couple of people.

Adam Longo

“Sorry you took it so personally. I waited tables for 6 years. Never knew anyone with a resume. My bad.”

“My apologies for offending you. I’ve got nothing but the best respect for restaurant staff.”

So, yes he apologized and all is right with the world, but I really wonder how he waited tables for six years and never once had a resume. How did he get his jobs? Maybe he only had one job that whole time and perhaps it was at a restaurant that his parents owned. If that’s the case, it’s easy to see why he never had a resume, but what if it wasn’t his parent’s place?

The following is an imagined piece of history that may or may not have happened, therefore there will never be a need to remove it, no matter how offensive some people may find it because I made it up:

Adam: Hi, my name is Adam and I’d like to be a waiter until I get my big break being a fancy television newscaster. What do ya say? Can I be a waiter?

Bob: Got a resume?

Adam: A resume? What’s that? I thought that my drive, personality and boyish good looks and charm would be enough to get me a job.

Bob: Got any experience?

Adam: Experience? What’s that? I thought that my drive, personality and boyish good looks and charm would be enough to get me a job.

Bob: So you ain’t got no resume and you ain’t got no experience. Why the fuck should I give you a job?

Adam: I give good hand jobs and I don’t have a gag reflex.

Bob: Okay, you can start right now. Come to my office.

Okay, it all makes sense now, doesn’t it? Sometimes, there is no need for a resume, but for those of us with gag reflexes and sloppy hand job skills, a resume is a necessity.  I suppose there is no need to attack Mr. Longo for his comments since he already apologized. I don’t condone going to his Facebook page or anything like that and I would never suggest that you Tweet to him your disappointment with his choice of words. No, I would never suggest you do that. No, no, no. that would be bitchy. Then again, maybe things are different in New York City. Everyone I know who waits tables has a resume.

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