Here’s to the lady who won’t be lunching at a certain restaurant because of a typo in a newspaper ad for the eatery. We don’t know, in fact, if it was a lady or a man who was so offended by the typo, but let’s be real: we all know it’s an old lady and I shall call her Opal.
One day, Opal opened up her local newspaper to do the crossword puzzle and read the “miscellaneous lost” section in the classifieds when she stumbled across an ad for a local restaurant. Her eagle eyes spotted the word “accommodates” and noticed immediately that it was missing an “m.” Opal was a high school English teacher for 83 years and since retiring in 2012, she has desperately missed grading papers and writing passive aggressive comments to her students with a big red Sharpie. Rather than ignore the misspelling or assume it was a typo, Opal knew she had an opportunity to dust off her gradin’ pen and get to work.
“Now, where did I put my red Sharpie?” she asked herself. “It’s been so long since I have used it.”
After rummaging through a few junk drawers and a couple of boxes labeled “school days,” she gave up looking. “Oh, well, it’s probably all dried out anyway,” she said. And Opal knows a thing or two about being all dried out.
She found a simple ball-point pen and steadfastly circled the error, also adding an asterisk next to it to make sure the mistake was seen. She then retrieved a piece of stationary from her desk (it’s her favorite stationary; the one she bought when visiting a small town near the Grand Canyon that has an image of a dream catcher on it) and composed a short note:
To whom it may concern,
I would never subsidize a restaurant that can’t spell correctly in a newspaper ad. It’s “accommodates.” Hope this is helpful!
Opal was especially proud of the exclamation point at the end of the sentence because she knew that it made it seem that she wasn’t really trying to be helpful and instead was just being a nit-picky bitchy who has nothing better to do with her day than to write a letter to a restaurant she has no intention of going to either with or without a typo in their ad. She placed the letter in the envelope and went to the kitchen to find a sponge that she could use to dampen the flap to the envelope since, as mentioned before, Opal is a bit dried out. Thankfully, her stamp was one of the self-adhesive kind and her level of moisture was not further depleted.
After dropping the letter of correction into her mailbox, Opal sighed with self satisfaction. She knew that she had made a real difference that day. Thanks to her, a restaurant owner was going to know about a most awful injustice that had happened by the misspelling of a word. That owner would also know that they missed out on a customer who would have come in and ordered a hot tea with a side salad and then left a10% tip. Opal would eagerly await the next edition of the newspaper to see if the correction had been made so she could add the restaurant to her list of places she still will never go to.
Good job, Opal. Good job.