The Last A**hole Child of the Year

It’s the last day of 2017 and we have discovered our final asshole child of the year: Annabelle. It appears that Annabelle likes two things. She likes hockey and she likes to use crayons to destroy perfectly good linens at restaurants. Annabelle, while I appreciate your artistic endeavors and I can see that you have a bright future ahead of you as either a hockey goalie or an amateur sign painter, who the hell told you it was okay to do this? I know it wasn’t the server, because that server specifically told me that when she asked you to stop doing it, your mother jumped in exclaiming that you’re “just a child.” Oh, wait. I just answered my own question. Your mother allowed this. Annabelle, put your mom on the phone, I wanna talk to her.

Hello, Annabelle’s Mom? Bitchy Waiter here. That is some straight up bad parenting right there. You are teaching your daughter that the belongings of other people don’t matter and that she can do whatever she wants. What a great way to raise a selfish, unaware human being that will thing the world revolves around her. Are you trying to make sure your daughter is just like you when she grows up because that’s what it seems like. I’m sure every parent dreams of having a little Mini Me, but maybe you should try to weed out some bad behaviors and create a better person that yourself. I once heard that all any parent wants is for their child to be happier and more successful than they were, but you really need to factor in some of the character flaws that you might want to do away with. If you teach Annabelle that it’s okay to draw all over a table cloth in a restaurant, what do you think Annabelle is going to teach her daughter? Yeah, the same thing. So in twenty-five years, I’ll have to write this blog post all over again when your granddaughter does this and a disgruntled server sends me a picture of it. (Although by the year 2052, they will probably send me something much more complex than an image. It might be a hologram or a visual memory that is shared directly to my brain using the Apple iSharing dock that we all have installed in our brains by then.) Annabelle’s Mom, the next time you see your daughter destroying property, your response should be something like this:

Annabelle, honey, that’s not nice. That tablecloth doesn’t belong to you. Give me those crayons right now and go find the waitress so you can apologize for your abhorrent behavior. And also apologize to them on my behalf, because I failed as a parent. And I want to apologize to you for letting this happen. I should have been paying attention to all of those art projects you have bringing home all those years and told you right then and there to give up art because you suck at it. Your spacing is all wrong and that random blue mark is throwing off the color palette. We need to find you a new hobby that your more suited for, like reading or sitting all quiet in a dark corner somewhere. And while I’m being so honest with you, sweetie, the only thing you’re worse at than drawing is hockey. Watching you play today was painful.

Good bye, 2017.

8 thoughts on “The Last A**hole Child of the Year

  1. Heather

    God, this makes me furious! What the fuck is wrong with that bitch mother? It’s a real fucking tablecloth, not paper. Maybe the server should find out where they live and let her own child (assuming she has one) draw on the side of their house with crayons. After all, it’s just a child.

    Reply
  2. Karen

    About 10 years ago, I was stationed in Japan and got to know the housing officer pretty well. A bit of background, the military either provides housing on base or pays an allowance for members to live off base. Either way the member is responsible for any damages other than normal wear and it can be taken out of their paycheck.

    A family with young children had rented a traditional Japanese house off base. Paper walls, rice mats, etc. When it came time for them to rotate out, the landlord discovered the children had colored every solid inch of wall as high as they could reach. He called the housing office out to verify because it was so unbelievable what had been done. They did over $20K dollars of damage to that house.

    Long story short, they had their wages garnished for years to pay for the damage.

    Parents, you are responsible for the damages your children do. IMO, the restaurant would be well within its rights to charge her for attempting to clean and then a replacement tablecloth as necessary. Spills happen to anyone and are generally forgiven. This was deliberate and ignored.

    Reply
  3. Rocky

    Who cares, so a little kid used crayons on a napkin. As a waiter for over 20 years, I promise that I have ruined hundreds of napkins for stupid shit. So a little girl kept herself entertained at dinner at the expense of a napkins, that pails in conparison to some of tha amazing dicourttests I see as a server every day.

    Reply
    1. Heather

      Except that it wasn’t a napkin. It was a tablecloth. Did you even bother reading the post before commenting? Not to mention, if the brat is old enough to write in BLOCK LETTERS, she’s old enough to sit still and behave in a restaurant.

      Reply
    2. Cameron Rose

      Rocky you are not a good person. Napkins are there to be used for spills and such. But this is a case of terrible parenting LETTING her child destroy a tablecloth. Are other things in the restaurant biz worse? Sure. Tons of things are. Does that make it okay. NO!!!!NO!!! A thousand times NO! Casually sitting by as your child destroys property is a true failure of parenting.

      Reply
  4. Spiteful

    71% of people are fucking assholes.
    100% of children are just smaller people.
    71% of people are smaller fucking assholes.
    QED
    I hope this little girl grows up to be a fine adult.
    Until then I hope her parents find a crayon in the clothes dryer every day for the rest of their lives.

    Reply

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